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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
pixiesticks Offline
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Ranting/Venting... - February 15th 2011, 05:08 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Below are just the ramblings of my thoughts... I just needed to get it out...

Be warned, it's sorta graphic and could be considered extremely triggering.


It's not like I really cut for the actual cutting. The cutting part is fast. It's over in a matter of moments. Yet there are so many. It's the after that I can't part with. It's the blood slowly seeping out of the wound. It's the wiping it off, over and over again, watching the blood not stopping. It's the sting that comes shortly after and lingers for hours, days sometimes. The bleeding always stops to fast, much to fast. And I'll want to do it again, and again. But I know I can't. I know I need help. Even if I haven't done it in awhile and I feel awesome about not for days, weeks, even months, but I know. I know it'll come back. That nagging feeling. There's no sting. Where's the sting? The thought haunts me for hours or days before I finally give in. I know I will, I always do. There's no stopping it once the nagging, itching feeling begins. I just want there to be a time where I don't feel any of this. I want to go forever without thinking about how the knife feels. How the sting feels. But there won't be. I've reached out for help so many times, but always here, or my own thoughts, never to my parents, to get real help. I'm to much of a coward to ask for their help. I don't want to talk about it. Not with them.

I just want to know why... Why was I someone who started this? Why can't I stop even though I've tried countless times? I tried talking to a therapist once, but that did nothing. We never talked about it, not really. I just want to know why. I want to go to a safe place where I can learn to not feel like I have to live with this for the rest of my life. I want to get help, but I never will. I'm to scared to even talk to my parents about cutting, much less my problem with it. I don't want to know of the pain my sister will go through. I don't want to bother her with my problems. I just want her to think everything is peachy. I don't want to cause her worry.

I want help. But I'll never ask for it...


Even the darkest night will end, and the sun will rise.
-Les Miserables
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Ranting/Venting... - February 15th 2011, 10:05 PM

It's that you are able to get your thoughts out and that you reach out for help on TH but it deffinately sounds like you need a professional to talk to. I know that you said you can't talk to your parents about this but what about a school counselor or a teacher you trust? They can help you talk to your parents and it will be less difficult with them there. I know you said that the therapist you had didn't really work out, try another one, I think it could be very beneficial for you. I hope this helped, if you ever need to talk feel free to PM me.


"Shoot for the moon, even if you miss you'll land among the stars."

"For those who don't care, for those who can't see, never give up, always thrive to be free."

Smile, you are beautiful www.operationbeautiful.com

Blessed Be!
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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Ranting/Venting... - February 18th 2011, 04:04 AM

Hey there,

GUESS WHAT. Im with you.

"IM GONNA QUIT!!" try... try...... try..... nagging... try to hold out.... just give up.

Its so hard, and i ask myself all the time WHY OH WHY DID I START. why.

Guess what? Its who u have become.... but that doesnt mean that you cant get out of it. Cause you CAN. try to find something you can do... be around people. Stop cutting, and try scratching instead to get SOME sensation, and slowly go off of that.

What i do is i work records. I say HEY I HAVENT CUT FOR 4 DAYS. and lets say thats the longest ive gone... Well then i have to work to BEAT that, and go as far as i can. You HAVE to beat ur record... slowly the record will get bigger and bigger... and soon you may be able to not do it at ALL.

StayStrong, you can do this.


Just rise above this
Kill them with your kindness
Ignorance is blindness
They're the ones that stand to lose

'Cause they don't even know you
All they see is SCARS
They don't see the ANGEL
Living in your heart
   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
Evanescent Offline
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Re: Ranting/Venting... - February 18th 2011, 04:13 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by SoraKat View Post
Hey there,

Stop cutting, and try scratching instead to get SOME sensation, and slowly go off of that.
I do not agree with this, although scratching is less dangerous it is still self-harm and switching to another form of self-harm is not going to help you quit. To get a sensation try putting ice on the place where you want to cut, or snap a rubberband.


"Shoot for the moon, even if you miss you'll land among the stars."

"For those who don't care, for those who can't see, never give up, always thrive to be free."

Smile, you are beautiful www.operationbeautiful.com

Blessed Be!
Nicole AKA Nikki
Artist, Poet, and Future Social Worker
   
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
Katley Offline
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Re: Ranting/Venting... - February 18th 2011, 04:42 AM

Yeah, I know what you mean, but for me... that didnt work. Idk... IF THAT WORKS DO IT. im just saying that sometimes self harm is much more dangerous than that. I guess i should change that to:

If NOTHING works... try that... Even though it STILL isnt good.


Just rise above this
Kill them with your kindness
Ignorance is blindness
They're the ones that stand to lose

'Cause they don't even know you
All they see is SCARS
They don't see the ANGEL
Living in your heart
   
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
Kitty. Offline
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Re: Ranting/Venting... - February 18th 2011, 05:29 AM

Hey,

I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling so much with self-harm. I definitely wouldn't recommend scratching as a coping method, since that is self-harm too. Instead, I encourage to check out the Alternatives Thread. Click Me.
You can conquer this. Don't give up.

Take care,
Kitty.
  Send a message via MSN to Kitty.  
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