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lola jonson Offline
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i feel like a freak - February 15th 2011, 10:21 PM

A few weeks ago I was really sure that I wanted to stop cutting and I was doing well. But latley I've stopped seeing the point in quitting. I kind of don't want to stop at all I guess. I feel like a freak because I like cutting and how it makes me feel. I can't find a reason that I should stop. I guess I just see nothing wrong with continuing self harm. Has anyone else felt like this? What do I do?

We do not fear death, we fear that no one will notice our absence. That we will disappear without a trace.
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Re: i feel like a freak - February 15th 2011, 10:51 PM

I felt like this many of times ur not a freak it makes u feel like ur letting ur emotions out and u feel good doing that i feel that way its addicting and i got addicted its not easy to quit u want to quit so u can show urself u better than that i been trying to quit and i will tell u its no joy ride i been having bad depression find someone u trusst and talk to them when u feel like cutting tell them y u want to and they might help u it wont be easy it will take time and effort u can do this if u want to talk jus pm and i will help u im going throu the same thing

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It at war with


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Re: i feel like a freak - February 15th 2011, 11:04 PM

Yeah, I know exactly what you mean.. But you're not a freak. You're just letting it all out in the way you know how to, if that makes any sense. But you can stop if you want to, you just may not be ready to let something go like that. Because it's become a habit- i guess you could say.

I know what you're going through, because I went through the same thing.

A beautiful thing is never perfect.

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Re: i feel like a freak - February 15th 2011, 11:41 PM

You're not a freak honey. I know what it's like wanting to stop, then changing your mind back and forth. Also, I've said that exact thing about feeling like a freak for loving it. Here's what I've come to realize: everyone (without exception) has a vice. Yours (and you're not alone in this) is cutting. You're not a freak you're just having a difficulty dealing with things. Don't be so hard on yourself <3

Just Keep Breathing
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Re: i feel like a freak - February 16th 2011, 02:26 AM

You're not a freak, there was a point where I didn't want to quit and I was just like "You can't make me either". I think it's pretty typical to go back and forth for awhile.

"Shoot for the moon, even if you miss you'll land among the stars."

"For those who don't care, for those who can't see, never give up, always thrive to be free."

Smile, you are beautiful www.operationbeautiful.com

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Re: i feel like a freak - February 16th 2011, 03:30 AM

I think we've all hit a spot where we were so sure we wanted to stop, then couldn't think of any reason to do so. We couldn't find it within ourselves to want to stop. Sure, it's not healthy, but the feeling is unmistakable and in the short term, it may seem good. But you should think long term, you know?

At some point you may hit this brick wall of realization, and wonder how you missed it the last time you thought about quitting. I know it took me five years to face myself, after going through this phase where I thought that I was also a freak for liking it, while everyone else around me (not knowing of my sh) would be disgusted by the thought of it. I realized that I am not a freak, I am not weird or even messed up. I am me, I am human, and I am just trying to live from day to day.. and so are you.

"Although only breath, words which I command are immortal." Sappho

"Sometimes I feel nothing at all. Sometimes I feel everything is my fault.
Sometimes I feel the hate break my mind. Sometimes I feel they deserve it this time.
May the bridges I burn light my way." - I, Alone - Otep

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Re: i feel like a freak - February 16th 2011, 03:30 AM

Hey there. You're not at all a freak. I'm over two years into my recovery and I still feel that way sometimes. What helps me is remembering the good reasons about not SHing - wearing what I want, not worrying about infection, the progress I've made emotionally. Recovery isn't supposed to be perfect, but as long as you keep making progress, then you're good! Stay strong & stay safe.

when you love and laugh abundantly you live a beautiful life.
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Katley Offline
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Re: i feel like a freak - February 18th 2011, 03:54 AM

I feel that way alot. Staystrong, and know that overall... CUTTING ISNT GOOD FOR YOU. Ive had the EXACT same thoughts. Like the only reason i wanted to stop is cause of how my friends look at me if they see fresh scars. :P (We started our own little "support group," there are only three of us though xD. We all cut and can compare stuff, and we tell each other whenever we cut, and compare records and stuff. Its helped me... you should try it.)

Well i thought WHY do we even WANT to stop? why does it matter? Well the answer is outright that... Cutting isnt good for you. It changes you a bit, every time you do it. Like... Before i cut i was different, obviously. When i dont cut a while, i go back to who i used to be, more and more each day. The longer i go without, the easier it is to find other ways to deal.

If you can STOP a while, you can forget how good it feels. You arent a freak... to tell the truth... Somedays i LIKE that i cut. (that sounds really bad to say, but its true) I just have to snap myself out of it. You can do the same thing. Cause no matter what, you KNOW inside that people shouldnt cut, and it isnt healthy.

STAY STRONG. you can do it. Have strength, find as much love as you can, and pray to whatever you believe in. if ur athiest, y not shout to the world. Write down what you want to happen, write how you feel. Keep urself above the pain, and know that YOU dont deserve this. (cause NO ONE does. NO ONE. YOU DONT.) if you really want to punish urself, DONT CUT. trust me its a great punishment.... you go and LIVE.

Wishing you Strength and Happiness
<3 Sora. (btw IF YOU WANT you can message me, i like talking to people, and hey we seem to have some of the same problems. i can be part of ur little support group TRUST IT WORKS!!!

Just rise above this
Kill them with your kindness
Ignorance is blindness
They're the ones that stand to lose

'Cause they don't even know you
All they see is SCARS
They don't see the ANGEL
Living in your heart
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