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brittanyxx Offline
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Worried about a friend... - March 2nd 2009, 02:37 AM

Happy I found this place, looks like a great community

Not entirely sure if this belongs in the Suicide forum or here...sorry if it's in the wrong place.

Okay, here's the lowdown: A friend of mine has been really scaring me lately. She doesn't have the best home life (parents divorced, doesn't get alone with either of them very well, etc) and has self harmed before, especially recently. At LEAST twice now in a matter of a few weeks. She's also has given me the "Nobody loves me" speech and the infamous "I just want to go to sleep and not wake up" line.

Just tonight she called me, crying, asking for someone to cheer her up. She started talking about being all depressing, going goth, about how she is never the "real her", etc. Luckily I was able to take her mind off of it and make her laugh, but I'm still extremely worried. I don't believe she's in IMMEDIATE "happening tonight" danger, but I'm really worried now after tonight. I'm worried because it seems to be only getting worse.

I'm the only one she officially opens up to, although another good friend of ours has caught on and I filled her in on everything just tonight after she had asked me about it (though most of it she did already have figured out). Tommorow we are planning on going to the school counselor about this, as we both realize there is a real problem and we need to do something about it.

Now, to what I need help with: Are we doing the right thing? Going to the school counselor? My gut, heart, and brain are telling me it's the right thing, but there's this little nagging feeling inside of me, telling me that I should take to her about it first, before going to someone like a school counselor. Doctors/counselors/etc are already after her, she's on antidepressants. What if it just pushes her over the edge even more to have yet another person after her? If I tell the counselor to have us remain annonymous (is that even the right way to go?) and tell her how fragile said friend is at the moment, will the counselor listen? I've never really had to talk to one before...so I'm kinda new at this.

Anyway, just looking for a little advice. Either way I'm going to the counselor tommorow about it, just looking for some other advice or anything anyone can suggest. I'm worried whatever I do will be the wrong move
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Re: Worried about a friend... - March 2nd 2009, 02:49 AM

Hey Brittany,

First of all, welcome to Teen Help. We're glad to have you here. As for your questions, this is a very touchy subject. You will know better than anyone here how your friend might react. If you feel she's in immediate danger, and telling her parents is out of the questions, than I certainly do agree with talking to the school counselor. This is about her life, and that is the most important thing right now. Whether or not you confront her first, is another issue. It depends on how you think she'll react. Telling her upfront, you're telling a school counselor might set her off and scare her into something. As you said, she is in a fragile state. I would try asking her-in an off the record kind of way.Bring up the idea of her telling a counselor. See if maybe she'd be willing to talk to the school counselor on her own. See what she says. You might not even have to do it for her, she might be willing to all on her own. If she doesn't like the idea or something like that, you can go from there. I'm speaking from a personal view here, if it were me, I'd want to be given the chance to do it myself first. How you do it, is up to you. I hope things work out for you either way. You're a good friend for caring so much and she's lucky to have you. If you need anything at all, let me know. I'm only a message away. Take care.

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Re: Worried about a friend... - March 2nd 2009, 02:57 AM

Thank you for the fast reply!

I'll take these ideas into consideration as well as try to look at things from her shoes. Thanks again for the advice
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Re: Worried about a friend... - March 2nd 2009, 04:16 AM

well it wouldn't hurt to try the counselor but I'd really talk to her. it's the best medicine at this time. I've went through those times and it really helped to have somebody to listen to me, that wasn't 'professional.'

You can't live a positive life with a negative mind and if you have a positive outcome you have a positive income and just to have more positivity and just to kind of laugh it off. ~ Miley Cyrus

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Re: Worried about a friend... - March 2nd 2009, 01:43 PM

Hey Brittany. Welcome to Teenhelp and your right it is a great community, hope you like it here =]. As for you friend, this is a very delicate situation. You know her better than anyone here, so you should look at how she reacted to the other councellors? did she have a positive or a negitive reaction? Its great that she has you that she can talk to, i would give anything to have someone to talk to but anyway thats off the subject. Personally I would prefer if I was either told about you going to the counceller or doing it myself. Maybe shes not ready to talk to it to someone else?
I dont know, but you seem like a great friend who really cares about her and im sure you'll make the right decision.
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Re: Worried about a friend... - March 2nd 2009, 07:15 PM

Hey Brittany, welcome to the site, glad that you found us! :]
I think it's great that you are so concerned about your friend and wanting to help her. It sounds like she's going through a pretty tough time at the moment and is struggling. I think you've definitely done the right thing by being there for her and supporting her when she needs that someone to talk to. Perhaps you could encourage her to talk to someone else about how she feels? Maybe a parent or someone at school?

Although it's great that you and your friend are doing your best to help her, you can't be expected to help her on your own, and inevitably there will be times when you don't know what to say to cheer her up or bring her out of her depression. You shouldn't feel bad about this, because to be honest it's not fair on you that you're always the one who must feel responsible for helping her.

Let her know that she is not alone, and that there are many options and avenues or support open to her. Perhaps you could find out some information about what guidance or counselling services your school offers when you go to the counsellor tomorrow, then talk to her about it. You could even offer to go with her if she's nervous about it?.

Lastly, please don't be too upset if she doesn't react well to you trying to get help for her. Many people are either in denial about their problems or feel like they don't need help. You are doing the right thing as a friend, and doing what is in her best interests. It sounds like you are a very good friend to her, Brittany and i'm sure after she has worked through her problems she'll be very greatful to you for all that you're doing for her. You could always point her in the direction of this site also.

Take care :]

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Re: Worried about a friend... - March 3rd 2009, 11:17 AM

the best thing you can do 4 her is to tell someone so that they can get her some help, it sounds like there is alot going on for her atm mabey you could show her this forum even.
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