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urges are alot stronger. - February 23rd 2011, 12:17 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

i dont really know what to put since i have'nt posted here for a long time, but basicly the urges have been alot stronger a couple of weeks ago i kind of went slighlty over the top and made about 20-30 cuts up my leg, thier still theyre, but since doing that the urges have been so much stronger, yesterday i bought a ciggerette lighter and did eventually manage to burn myself with it, now i've done that i want to do it agian and agian, im scared i cant stop myself, if im not cutting or burning myself with the lighter im gaugeing holes into myself. i cant seem to stop, i dont really know if i want to stop either, i know i have to stop as im going on holiday in july and would like to be cut free ect, but i dont think i want to stop, i only want to be cut free so that my nana who i will be meeting for the third time does'nt find out . i dont want to stop but i know i have to so that no one espically my nana doesnt find out. but i cant seem to stop, the urges are just to strong. help.



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Re: urges are alot stronger. - February 23rd 2011, 12:37 PM

Hey,
I'm sorry things are rough for you at the moment. You need to find alternatives that work for you such as reading, writing, crushing ice in your hand, so that the urges will fade. Sh is not good for you, although it may feel like it helps for a while, it just leaves scars and as well as hurting ourselves the people around us.
If you ever want to talk feel free to PM me. You are beautiful and don't deserve the pain from yourself.
Stay strong, you can make it through, take care
Charli


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Re: urges are alot stronger. - February 23rd 2011, 01:44 PM

i used to find colouring worked i have this very detailed colouring book - that used to help but now thats not even working, its like my mind is just focused on feeling something. i dont know if the urges are worse at the moment because of i have court tommorow and im stressing about that, or if i have just got worse over time.
thats what im scared of, im scared of my mum and family finding out, them taking my blades away ect my mum does have suspicions as she has asked me on occasion do you cut and i've always told her no, but i know if i keep this up shes going to get more suspcious as new scars appear, i started when i was 16 im now 20 going to be 21 end of july . i dont want to stop cutting and burning, but i know i have to so i can stop my family finding out, but i dont want to stop, im forcing myself to stop for my family's sake and no one elses . im not going to be able to stop, but am forcing myself to. stupid i know , but i have to stop , dont want to stop, but have to.



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