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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
AlliKitty Offline
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Unhappy Boyfriend Cutting - February 24th 2011, 12:06 AM

I really don't know what to tell him. He asks for me to help him stop cutting. He only cuts when he is upset though, but this month hasn't been his best. (grade wise) (Freshman) and his mom treats him like a failure because of it So, Please... I need some advice to give him. \: And I reallyyyy don't want him to be cutting anymore because it hurts me and makes me want to cut tooo \:

~Thank you.

Last edited by Palmolive; February 26th 2011 at 04:56 PM. Reason: Removing prefix
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Boyfriend Cutting - February 24th 2011, 12:12 AM

Hi.

First off, you're not alone. I've been in this situation before and I know what it's like not knowing what to say.

All I can say is there's two different things you do. In my mind they are

(1) Immediate response - keep him distracted, take him out etc.. Keep his mind off cutting

then, when the immediate danger of SH is over,

(2) Talk - when he's calmed down a bit, try and talk about it. Root out why he feels he needs to do it, let him know there's other options, and encourage him to talk to you at all times.

That's usually how I try and deal with it. I hope it works out for the best. As a self-harmer myself I think that if someone were to do that (above) with me, it'd help a bit.

I wish you, and your boyfriend, all the best and I sincerely hope he manages to find the strength to stop cutting
   
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Re: Boyfriend Cutting - February 24th 2011, 12:13 AM

Thank you. I'll let you know if it works. *Hugs*
   
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Re: Boyfriend Cutting - February 24th 2011, 12:15 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by AlliKitty View Post
Thank you. I'll let you know if it works. *Hugs*
Do - for me the distraction works usually. Heck, it did earlier tonight. So just take care, and get him away from anything that could be used like.
   
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Re: Boyfriend Cutting - February 24th 2011, 12:41 AM

Hey there.
I'm really sorry that the two of you are going through this :/ it's an extremely difficult thing, dealing with being a cutter but it's also very difficult dealing with the self-harm of someone you care for. It's important, when someone you love is dealing with challenges, to first just listen and try to understand. As an ex-cutter and as the friend (and ex-girlfriend in some cases) of people who self harm (or used to), I can say that having alternatives to self-harm are a very god idea.

You can find a list of ideas for alternatives here. This might be a good thing for you to share with your boyfriend, keeping in mind that not all alternatives work for everyone... but that in general, they can do a lot to help someone who is working on breaking their habits of self-harm.

It's also good to keep in mind that not-cutting is an accomplishment for people who find that their cutting has become difficult for them to control. So it's important to ask him to be very open with you... telling you whenever he cuts so that you can congratulate him when he's gone significant periods of time without self-harming... as well as comfort him when he's relapsed, which is always a natural part of recovery. (Note: a 'significant' amount of time is really dependent upon the individual and how much they struggle with the habit. It can be days, weeks, or months. As he informs you over time about when he cuts, you'll get a feel as to what's a significant amount of time for him).

As for what to tell him, I suggest that you just convey to him as best you can that you care for him and that you're there for him no matter what. That you'll do all that you can to help him, but that he has to understand that that's all you can do... he has to be ready and willing to take action so that he can begin to recover.

It might also help (and I've done this very successfully) is to make a contract with him... things that you'll both agree to within your relationship for the sake of his health. For example, he might agree to always call or text you when he feels the urge to self-harm, and you might agree to be there to the best of your ability (let's be realistic... if for some reason you don't hear your phone, you can't answer, but at least he'll know with confidence that you always answer when you hear him call), so that you can talk it out, go down the list of alternatives, and distract him as best you can. In any case, open communication is pretty key... you'll both want to agree on that.

I truly hope that this helps. Let me know if there is anything at all that I can do for you... PM me if you want or need, I'm certainly around.

Ada







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Re: Boyfriend Cutting - February 24th 2011, 03:02 AM

In addition to the advice above..
Maybe you could suggest this website to him?
Just a thought..

Take care,
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  (#7 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Boyfriend Cutting - February 24th 2011, 05:33 AM

These are helping so far. I'll let you guys know if he does it again.
   
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Re: Boyfriend Cutting - February 26th 2011, 03:49 PM

suggest this website to him, and maybe check out the alternatives thread on here, maybe suggest to him that when he is upset that he writes everything down on a piece of paper that is bothering him then he tears the piece of paper up into tiny bits and then either burns the bits of paper or bins them.



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