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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Strife Offline
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"SH for SH" - February 24th 2011, 01:38 AM

I apologize if this isn't allowed for some reason.
I don't think I've seen anything like this and it's happened with pretty much everyone I know who has SH'ed.
Have you ever had someone who knew you SH'ed threaten to do it themselves every time you did, in an effort to get you to stop?
Did it work (did you stop because of it)?
Were you angry at them?

Last edited by Fading Light.; February 24th 2011 at 09:26 AM. Reason: Removing prefix.
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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re: "SH for SH" - February 24th 2011, 02:08 AM

Yes, I've definitely had people threaten to do it to themselves if I did it.
One particular friend she would cut herself up 10x worse than I had, and that I should know that she meant it (And I honestly did, and do believe her).
I stopped for a little while because of it; just because I was afraid that she would get hurt.
But no, it didn't really help. It just made me feel like I can't talk to her about it anymore. I felt more alone because of it and eventually just started SHing again without telling her and hiding it more effectively so she wouldn't notice anything was different.
Yes, I was rather angry at her after that.... because it seemed to me like she was minimizing my problems. Like I could stop all willy nilly just because she wanted me to. We even stopped talking to each other for a short period of time. But we are ok now, and we're still best friends.
Also, I thought it was hypocritical of her to threaten me in such a way b/c she SH'ed at the time as well, and I had never threatened her. I felt sorta stabbed in the back if that makes sense.
Anyways... hope this helped you.

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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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re: "SH for SH" - February 24th 2011, 02:18 AM

I had a friend once, and one of her guy friends (who was completely "in love" with her) said that every time she cut once, he would cut ten times.

She just ended up not telling him when she did, and covered it. He did find out sometimes, and did go through with it. It never helped her stop, if anything, she did it more (mostly because she felt terrible because she was the only reason he was cutting at that particular moment) and just didn't tell him.


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re: "SH for SH" - February 24th 2011, 02:52 AM

Yes when I was cutting sophomore year, the guy I dated at the time told me if I didn't stop cutting then he'd cut himself. It just ended up being that I didn't tell him when/if I was still cutting. I just hid the scars from him and made it seem as though I was not doing it anymore. He knew for a fact that I didnt like it when he'd say that which is why he did say it.
   
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re: "SH for SH" - February 24th 2011, 08:39 AM

Yeah, my ex boyfriendused to say that if I cut myself, he'd do it twice as deep. That was when I started cutting on my ankles so my socks would hide it coz everyone knows I hate feet so it was normal for me to wear socks all the time. I ended up cutting more because I felt so stuck and guilty about what I knew would hapen if I was found out. It also made me pretty angry because rather than offering me support and a shoulder to cry on, the bloke just ended up pushing me away and maknig me feel worse about myself.
   
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Re: "SH for SH" - February 24th 2011, 09:33 AM

In answer to your questions, yes, no, no.

I had a very close friend a while back who, in an attempt to help me stop, threatened to hurt himself every time I cut (the same thing went for suicide... if I did it, he would have too... but that's another story).

No, it didn't work. I ended up talking him out of having that arrangement, because it wasn't fair to either of us.

And no, I wasn't angry at him. I knew he meant well, and I could see the logic behind his reasoning; it just didn't work in practice. His actions came from the heart, and although they caused me a certain amount of guilt and stress, they were well intentioned, so I couldn't be angry.


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Re: "SH for SH" - February 24th 2011, 09:54 AM

yes people have said that to me but it just made me angry with them.
there telling me its bad for me to do it but there willing to start Shing for no reason.
i see it as if they did it cos i sh then was there choice i didnt make them and then they will see how hard it is for me to give it up. they think if they say stop somethin will change and can do it right away. its not like that


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Re: "SH for SH" - February 24th 2011, 09:56 AM

Yes. My best-friend/ex-girlfriend and I had an agreement that lasted almost an entire year. We said that if one of us cut, the other had to too. It worked really well, until I decided to call it off.
   
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Re: "SH for SH" - February 24th 2011, 02:28 PM

a few of my friends have done it.
One said if she ever found out i cut again she would cut worse or commit suicide. i stopped for a while because of that but eventually started up again. I'm not sure if angry would exactly describe my feelings. I was very upset about it.
   
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Re: "SH for SH" - February 25th 2011, 09:58 PM

Two of my friends actually did that. One of them had already been SHing, but I didn't know until one day she found out about mine. Every time she found a cut on me, she would do it to herself. Not really to teach me a lesson or to get me to stop for her.. but more or less because she was upset that I was cutting. So therefore, in order for me to get her to stop, I would have to stop.

The other one was always there for me, and one day she told me that she was going to cut herself just so I could see how it felt when I did it. But for some reason, when she did it, I felt no empathy, no sympathy.. It didn't change anything. Could be the biggest reason why she hates me now. Once we stopped talking and she started trash talking me, I did stop a few months later for the most part.


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Re: "SH for SH" - February 25th 2011, 10:36 PM

yes, no and no

I have quite a few friends who have said that in the past, and like Chess said, the same goes for suicide...
but no it didnt help because it just put more pressure on my shoulders and it made me more stressed out

no i wasnt angry because I know why they said it


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Re: "SH for SH" - February 25th 2011, 10:52 PM

I've had friends say that, and it doesn't work because it doesn't address the issue, it just makes you feel worse after and makes you go to greater lengths to hide it. most of the time, anyway.


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Re: "SH for SH" - February 27th 2011, 08:42 AM

actually, i did that to one of my friends (i finally stopped doing for myself for about 2 or 3 months ) last year. but the only reason i threatoned her with that is because she was lying about it. i saw her dog do it, and she was saying she did it to herself t get attention. so i threatoned her with that to scare her away from actually doing it/saying that she did.
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Re: "SH for SH" - February 27th 2011, 07:04 PM

I actually have never had anyone make that threat to me. However, I don't think it would have helped. I would have either gotten better at hiding it or not believed them.

To be honest, giving ultimatums like that hasn't been proved to help someone who SH's, and, in my opinion, it's just not the best thing to do. To help someone cope with SH, they need new coping mechanism. Riddling them with guilt over being the cause of someone else's SH doesn't do anything.



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Re: "SH for SH" - February 27th 2011, 07:17 PM

^ it never worked for me and I wouldn't imagine it being very helpful to most anyone who self harms, but i would believe it has helped at least a few people. i think we all know that sometimes the strangest things seem to help (or "help") us.
   
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Re: "SH for SH" - February 27th 2011, 07:20 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Strife View Post
^ it never worked for me and I wouldn't imagine it being very helpful to most anyone who self harms, but i would believe it has helped at least a few people. i think we all know that sometimes the strangest things seem to help (or "help") us.
While I agree with that, I just really don't see any use in someone threatening to use such a detrimental action to stop someone from the same thing. Sure, none of us who SH want to see someone else hurt from the same issue, but the pure guilt of it all could cause a situation to go downhill.

To each their own, though.



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Re: "SH for SH" - February 28th 2011, 04:47 AM

i don't support anyone threatening it, i was just wondering about people's experiences, and if i was the only one it didn't really help.
i think the whole cut for cut thing is well intended, but not very well thought out.
   
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Re: "SH for SH" - February 28th 2011, 06:24 AM

yes my brother told me that and also a friend of mines boyfriend told her.

In both of our cases it didnt help. it actually made it worse.

for my friend she cried alot to him and she still did it in the same spots. for me I just got sneakier.

either way it didnt help us though it may help for some people really it just mad eit harder for me to give it up.


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Re: "SH for SH" - February 28th 2011, 06:26 AM

I've done it, to my best friend in a desperate attempt to make her stop... It worked for a while...until my life took a turn and I started cutting...
That's when we made our pact though, and it's been months since either of us have (:


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Re: "SH for SH" - March 1st 2011, 05:43 PM

it's a very dangerous idea and won't help anyone. being supportive of each other is great but that's not support.. it's trying to guilt trip someone into stopping.


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Re: "SH for SH" - March 2nd 2011, 05:31 PM

Yes, I've had someone threaten to do it to themselves if I keep doing it. It didn't stop me. They actually did it once, mildly, while I was nearby. That was a very bad time in our relationship. However, it didn't make me angry because I don't believe in guilt trips. It just made me sad to see how much they were hurting. Luckily, they've stopped and I'm trying to.



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Re: "SH for SH" - March 3rd 2011, 05:15 AM

my boyfriend has threatened to do that a few times. i get really mad at him when he sais that because i am trying so hard to stop and i would hate to see him hurt himself like that because of me. for me, it really doesnt help at all. it makes the problem worse because i feel ashamed of what i do.


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Re: "SH for SH" - March 6th 2011, 01:38 AM

I've had people do this for me. I actually found it a bit scary. I don't want people to hurt themselves over me. :/
   
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Re: "SH for SH" - March 6th 2011, 03:03 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by losing touch. View Post
it's a very dangerous idea and won't help anyone. being supportive of each other is great but that's not support.. it's trying to guilt trip someone into stopping.
I wouldn't quite say it's guilt tripping somebody as it's supposed to be preventative rather than reactive but I definitely agree it's a dangerous idea that should be avoided.


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Re: "SH for SH" - March 6th 2011, 07:21 AM

(First, a bit of background info on myself: I've only slightly SH-ed. Nothing serious. And it was for a very short time.)

I have a friend who tells me that they'll hurt themselves if I hurt myself every time I tell them what's going wrong in my life. I also have had a very close friend of mine tell me that if I SH-ed that they'd end up losing her streak because she wouldn't be able to handle if I SH-ed, they also asked to promise that I wouldn't SH.
Did it stop me? Yes, it did. I absolutely despise disappointing someone. And, I wasn't going to break my close friend's streak, she worked far too hard and long for her to lose it just because I was in an unhappy mood and didn't know how to cope with it. Not to mention, I don't want any of my friends hurt, especially if they're hurting themselves because of me.
   
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