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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
SparklingWine Offline
Normality, my friends.
Jeez, get a life!
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Name: Lynds :)
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Why am I posting this..? - February 27th 2011, 05:06 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I never post in the forums about something this big..

I've started cutting again. I think worse then before. They are all so long.. and deep. When something goes bad, or is stressful.. that's what I turn to. Cutting. I used to work for a company that sells the sharpest kitchen cuttlery in the world. Ha. Look where that got me. It makes it that much easier for me to do these things.

I know I need help. I know I do, but I am conflicted between thinking that I can fix it myself, and knowing it's going to get worse. I guess this is the first time I've fully admitted to myself how bad I am getting. I almost want to cut deep enough to hospitalize me that way I HAVE to get help. There would be no option. They would see the 14 scars/cuts and just know. I got so close the other night. Only thing that came out of that was an infection.

I always try to put on a smile for people, and do the best I can to help others. And sometimes that works for distracting me-- but sometimes I get the occasional "Oh, hey that's triggering, let me do that right after I help!" It's a twisted way to think I suppose.

I'm just having a hard time dealing with it. I don't know. I just want someone to tell me it's okay. There is so much more I could put in here.. But I won't.

Thanks for reading if you did.

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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
kitkat_kate Offline
Average Joe
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Re: Why am I posting this..? - February 27th 2011, 05:38 PM

Lynds -

I'm so FREAKING PROUD OF YOU for posting this. For saying, "Hey, I need help. I need support." Gosh, it's scary, right? It's horrible and awful to feel so vulnerable. And I'm so proud of you for looking at yourself and saying you needed it. Do you know how strong you are? How amazing? I'm proud of you.

Next, and more seriously, I'm sorry you found yourself in a situation where you had to harm. I say had to because I know it's not exactly a choice sometimes. People say it is, but it isn't. You did what you had to do to deal with an overwhelming emotion. I hope that you are feeling okay right now, and that you are in a safe place.

It's hard to fix these things ourselves. It's possible. The first time I quit, I did it cold turkey and on my own. It was painful. I occasionally depended on a few friends to talk to about my feelings, but ultimately, I hadn't quit.

To quit SH, you need a new way to cope. You need to instill new mechanisms that allow you to handle the tough situations. This could be journaling, drawing, crying, going for a run, and, finally, learning to deal with those emotions, address them, and handle them in a healthy manner. It's hard, I know it.

I'm going to give you the link to the alternatives thread. While not the end all and be all, remember that this could get you through the most difficult part and enable you to find a way to better handle your emotions. I also want you to keep the First Aid Information thread on hand. Avoid infections, if you can.

Lynds, if you want help, go for it. I know it's harder when you have a choice, but I would rather see you get help without needing to cut yourself so badly that it's forced upon you. And, whether you realize it or not, that's still a choice. You made the decision to harm that much because you wanted help. Skip the painful, scarring part, and just go get the help. You deserve to be happy and healthy.

Please don't just put on a smile for everyone else. Do what you need to, but be real. Being fake doesn't help anyone - most importantly yourself.

Please, please PM me if you need anything.

You rock, and keep your head up, gorgeous. You can do this.


i am not my scars and my history
i am, i am, i am who i am...i am who i am.
there are true things inside of me;
i have been afraid to see.

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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Euphoria Offline
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Re: Why am I posting this..? - February 27th 2011, 05:42 PM

I am so sorry you are having to go through this. But it is a great thing and a huge step to admit yourself you need help. You really do need help. But if you cut yourself to the poit where you have to be hospitalized for it, yes you will be forced to get help, but would the cut be worse than your others? Would it be too deep? To the point it may be too late? I don't want that to happen to you. You're life is too meaningful to too many people to risk that.

The fact you say you put on a smile for others and help others touched me. Because I do the same thing. And it is also sometimes a distraction for me too. But one thing I have been told over and over by others, as I have been getting help for things this week, is it's about me and getting the help I need. So in your case lynds, it is about you, and getting the help you need. You need to get better lynds and you can't do that if you don't take the first step by telling an adult you trust or going to a hospital and telling them what you told us. About the cuts and about how you know you need help.

I am here for you if you want to talk or need any other help I could possibly give you. I hope things work out and get better. Keep us updated with what happens. I love you! <3
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
Ancora Imparo Offline
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Re: Why am I posting this..? - February 27th 2011, 06:21 PM

Hey Lynds,

I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through a tough time at the moment and everything but I'm also super proud of you for posting here to reach and ask for support because that's one of the hardest things to do when you're going through a tough time. I'm sure that everyone here will be more than happy to help you out and support you in any way that they can after all the support and help that you have already given to this community.

I understand that sometimes trying to keep yourself busy and on the go all the time seems like the best way to try and forget your problems but at the end of the day, it doesn't make them go away and sometimes the bravest thing you can do is to hold your hands and say "alright, alright, yeah I do need some help here because I'm struggling." Nobody else can make that decision for you though, it's all down to you because you're the one who knows yourself best.

I know that we haven't spoken all that much before but if you ever want someone to talk to, someone to sit and listen, a face to scream your heart out at or a shoulder to cry on then I'm always here for you, I promise.

You're so strong and brave for posting this and I know that you can be strong and brave again when it comes to asking for help. You can do this, I know you can because I believe in you. I hope that things start to get better for you soon because you really don't deserve this, you're an amazing individual. I hope that I've been able to help you in some way or another but I feel like I've just rambled to be honest.

Take care. <3

When we're lost in the madness, kindness is wisdom.
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  (#5 (permalink)) Old
Blair Offline
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Re: Why am I posting this..? - February 27th 2011, 06:31 PM

It's good that you posted something this big. Firstly cause it's brave. But also, being the one who usually helps others doesn't mean you don't/can't/shouldn't need help too. Honey, I know what it's like to be triggered when you're stressed or upset but you know this is dangerous. That's why you posted this. You want help and that's awesome. But PLEASE don't cut deep enough to be forced into it. I know this is really hard but you'll be able to feel so much better about yourself if you pull together your courage (which you've obviously got a lot of…probly more than you know) and deliberately decide to get help. This is gonna sound crazy but hear me out. You have nothing to be ashamed of OR afraid of with getting help. Just think about how much power cutting can have over you if you let it. Then try to think how much of that would be stripped away if it wasn't a secret anymore. If you wanna get better you have to get this out of your own head and let someone help you. Wouldn't it be worth it not to be carrying this around and worrying about it and hiding it and losing the life you want for it? I understand if you're not ready to give it up yet. That's kinda where I'm at. But if you are ready to find something else to be your go to when you're overwhelmed…that's amazingly great. If you need anything you can PM me. Goodluck with all this. I've got total confidence in you. You can beat this!

Just Keep Breathing
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
Palmolive Offline
Purr Purr Purr.
Jeez, get a life!
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Re: Why am I posting this..? - February 28th 2011, 04:11 PM

Hey Lynds <3

I am so glad you managed to reach out to us and ask for some help and support by posting here. I know it must have been hard for you but you did it!

Safety comes first before anything. If you cut to deep then you need to get medical help. You know the drill. Don't leave it. And even if you go down to the ER (sounds weird using that American term xD) and you don't need stitches or anything, they'll still clean it and it will help you talk to people and for them to know you are struggling. Theres nothing to lose, but always something to gain.

You use self harm to cope so its understandable that when something goes wrong, what ever it is, that you turn to cutting. And its great that you know what triggers you. So when you know you might end up in a situation where you might get triggered try to ensure you have something in place instead of cutting. And when you get triggers with out you having any idea they were going to occur, use the distraction techniques from the big juicy list we have here. You already know that not all of them will help you but some will, so don't let the ones that don't help set you back. Keep on trying.

I think it's amazing that you can recognize you need help. I know how hard it can be to reach out to someone for help. It can be blummin terrifying. It's even worse when you are not to sure whether you want to do it on your own or whether you do want someone to help you. But there is no reason not to have someone there. I think going in to therapy could really help you. For you to be in control of your treatment and to carry on taking responsibility for yourself, but someone to lean on, to let in to your darkest secrets and deepest fears. Its okay to have that person there. They can help guide you along the way and help pick you up when you are at your lowest.

You don't always have to be the one being there for others. Others can be there for you to. It can work both ways sweet. You never have to go through anything on your own. I know how many people love and care for you. All these people who love you want to be there, but it is up to you to let them in. If you don't let anyone in, then they can't help you. And you're the only one who can do that.

It's okay. It's okay to feel a bit down. It's okay to be scared. It's okay to feel confused. It's okay to struggle. It's okay to lean on others. It is all okay. Just keep your head above the water. And in time, with help and support things can and will get better. You never ever have to be alone in this chicka. You are worth so much and you don't deserve to go through this. You're still so young, you have your whole life ahead of you, so look forward to it because it is what you make it and it can be really bluddy amazing.

'To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world'.

Keep fighting and keep your chin up. You know where I am if you ever need anyone.

Love Jessie. <3

"Only in the dark, can you see the stars..."
Josie 12/3/2014, always in my heart. Sue 19/2/2016; Peter, Ellie, Hannah, Andy, Kirtsie RIP.

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