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Failure :( - March 2nd 2011, 03:23 AM

Hey there,m

Well in a previous post I talked about getting help, talking to my friends about it and then telling my mother....Well I havent quite done that yet, although I want to and need to get help, I also really dont want to get help.

I mean i do and don't at the same time, i really dont want to tell anyone, but I know i should, i just wouldnt know what to do if my friends couldnt accept it, or stick by me and they were just leave or think I was some kinda nut job, i dont think i would be able to deal with it.

But im also not sure anyone would believe me, i'm always the happy, bubbly, loud girl, who's always there for everyone, who listens to everyones problems, who gives and advice and makes people feel better, i'm never sad or upset at school, i always stand up for mysefl and act like this big tough girl, when really i just feel like a scared little girl all the time.

My friend told me yesterday that i am one of the strongest woman she knows, and that she is honoured to have my friendship and that without me helping her and my other friends, being there for them ect, she said she'd have no idea what she would have done. this makes me feel terrible, i mean i dont want to drop all my problems on her, or make her feel like she was a bad friend to me or that im not a strong person, i dont want her to think anything less of me.

I just honestly have no idea what to anymore, everything seems to be going wrong, i cant make any of the right decisions. I just dont know what i should do.

Sorry for my pathetic little rant....I just need advice

Thanks,
Tessa


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Re: Failure :( - March 2nd 2011, 04:30 AM

Hey Tess,
your friend is right. You are a strong person. You've bared the brunt of your pain all by yourself.
But, letting somebody in doesn't mean that you're weak. It just fully demonstrates your strength, and your friend will let you know that.
Trust me here.
I..was always there for my best friend. I would be there when she cut and get her to stop, help her through the problems. But I was cutting too for a while, I didn't tell her, I couldn't tell her because I felt like I would be dropping my issues on her, afraid for her to see how weak I felt.
But I finally came out with it and she let me know that she really did think I was strong and we got through it together.
Talking to somebody is the best thing you can do, especially if that person has a similar problem. You feel better, they feel important, and you both overcome together.

She won't think less of you Tessa. Really.
-Dan


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Re: Failure :( - March 2nd 2011, 04:59 AM

Hey Tessa, hon, I totally get what you're saying about being conflicted about getting help. Wanting to get better doesn't always mean that you wanna initiate and go through the process it'll take to recover from it. Being a good friend means alot of what you said: be there for people, give advice, stand up for your friends...but they wanna be a good friend to you to and can't if you won't let them. It's a little (or alot) scarry at first, but think of it this way: they've come to you with problems and you don't seem to think that they're weak or less worth your friendship. So, trust that they'll do the same for you. None of this makes you weak. You are who you are. Right now you're in a bit of a tempest. But you're still yourself, no weaker or lesser, when you're walking in the rain, even if you're drenched. I hope that made some sense... Anyhow, you're NOT a faliure. And (I know it's just a username, but just in case you buy into this label you put on yourself) you're not one big mess. You're yourself in a messy situation. There's a huge difference =) Pm me if you need anything <3


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Re: Failure :( - March 2nd 2011, 09:45 AM

Hey Tessa.

You know what? You're not a failure. You're struggling. There's a difference.

I understand how hard it is to talk about things like this, even to people you're very close to - or maybe especially people you're close to. You're probably imaging how they're going to react, wondering if they'll be okay, fearing that they'll think badly of you. My advice? Don't let those negative thoughts get to you. If your friends do leave you, they're not worth your time; it sounds like you've been there for them many times, and if they can't help when the roles are reversed, are they really the kind of people you want to be around? Most likely they'll be okay anyway; maybe a little shocked, or upset, but they'll want to help.

It's natural to be in two minds about this: wanting to seek help, but also wanting to keep things to yourself. I urge you to listen to the side of you wanting help. Things can get better, but only if you make them - in other words, only if you reach out for help.

Just because you're usually outgoing and cheerful doesn't mean you can't have your own things to deal with. Even if you're usually the one supporting others, who's to say you can't ask for support too? Asking for help doesn't make you weak. Quite the opposite. Being brave enough to admit that you're vulnerable, and that you need help, makes you incredibly strong. You won't be dumping all your problems on your friend; and if she feels somehow responsible, just assure her that she's not a bad friend, and suggest ways in which she can help you.

I really believe you're going to make the right choice here. I wish you all the best. Your post wasn't a pathetic rant; it was the first step towards getting better.

Good luck!


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