TeenHelp
Support Forums Today's Posts

Get Advice Connect with TeenHelp Resources
HelpLINK Facebook     Twitter     Tumblr     Instagram    Hotlines    Safety Zone    Alternatives


You are not registered or have not logged in

Hello guest! (Not a guest? Log in above!)

As a guest on TeenHelp you are only able to use some of our site's features. By registering an account you will be able to enjoy unlimited access to our site, and will be able to:

  • Connect with thousands of teenagers worldwide by actively taking part in our Support Forums and Chat Room.
  • Find others with similar interests in our Social Groups.
  • Express yourself through our Blogs, Picture Albums and User Profiles.
  • And much much more!

Signing up is free, anonymous and will only take a few moments, so click here to register now!


Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
  (#1 (permalink)) Old
tamz Offline
Member
Regular TeenHelper
*****
 
tamz's Avatar
 
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Location: UK

Posts: 355
Join Date: February 20th 2011

should i tell my tutor? - March 2nd 2011, 10:53 PM

Hiya,

I had a meeting with my personal tutor in uni today. He's lovely. Most people only see their's like 3 times a semester but we see each other once a week because of my current difficulties. Today he asked how my practicals were going (I'm a chemist) and I told him I missed one last week. Basically, I missed it because I had a panic attack and then once I'd started to calm down a little I self harmed and well yeah couldn't really go to a session with those consequences... (I'm sure you know what I mean but don't want to write it and end up triggering anyone).

Anyway, he asked me why I wasn't there and I got really awkward and just told him it was a long story to which he asked was it medical, I said kinda and when he asked me if I wanted to tell him about it, I said no. Thing is, when this kind of thing happens, I feel like I want to explain. I don't know why, but I feel like I can't just leave it.

I wrote an email but still wondering whether to press send. This is the email;

So I just wanted to let you know why I did miss that prac on Thursday. It's quite an awkward topic, not something I generally just talk about. So yeah, basically for 1) I had a panic attack just beforehand and then 2) self harmed pretty badly and couldn't stop the bleeding... so yeah... hence the *kinda medical reason. I mean, the bleeding's medical but the reason behind it not so much.

Anyway, would rather it if this was not mentioned again, if possible.


I guess what my question is, is does this sound okay, or do you think I should just leave it?
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Nomophobia Offline
Music is my escape
Senior TeenHelper
*******
 
Nomophobia's Avatar
 
Name: Muse
Gender: Female
Location: UK, Wales

Posts: 866
Blog Entries: 300
Join Date: January 6th 2009

Re: should i tell my tutor? - March 2nd 2011, 11:07 PM

Hey there

I'm really impressed that you want to tell him, I think it's great because it takes a huge amount of courage! What you have written sounds fine to me. Maybe add a thank you for your time at the very end?

Basically it's completely up to you if you tell him or not. I think it will be a good idea to write down all the pro's and con's that you can think of surrounding it and then see if that gives you an answer. The only person who can decide this is you, if you think it will help if he knows then go for it.

Best of luck, PM me anytime if you want to chat. Keep us updated yeah?


"Friends are like stars; you don't always see them but you know they are always there"

"It gives me hope. I love you so much. You give me a reason to breathe. Its something for me to not kill myself for" >>> means so much :')

Paramore! <3
Pm me anytime, I like to help!
  Send a message via MSN to Nomophobia  
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
tamz Offline
Member
Regular TeenHelper
*****
 
tamz's Avatar
 
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Location: UK

Posts: 355
Join Date: February 20th 2011

Re: should i tell my tutor? - March 2nd 2011, 11:21 PM

Hey cheers for your reply,
I can't think of any pros or cons as such. I dunno it's just one of those things. If someone asks me and I get really awkward around them, I feel afterwards like I should tell them, but never ever face to face. Obviously only with people I know well and trust, I wouldn't just tell some randomer in the street.

Okay, let's see.
Pros: It stops that irritating awkwardness I feel when I think about our chat earlier
They say the only way to help yourself is to truly admit you have a problem (although I wouldn't actually talk about it so not sure this would actually help...)

Cons: Could all go horribly wrong and we end up having a really awkward chat next time and he tells my year tutor and then he talks to me and things just spiral out of control

Oh gosh, I don't know.

Has anyone ever told someone like this and how did it go?
   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
Nomophobia Offline
Music is my escape
Senior TeenHelper
*******
 
Nomophobia's Avatar
 
Name: Muse
Gender: Female
Location: UK, Wales

Posts: 866
Blog Entries: 300
Join Date: January 6th 2009

Re: should i tell my tutor? - March 2nd 2011, 11:36 PM

I had to tell my form tutor and other teachers in high school, and I'm currently facing the dilemma as to whether or not to tell my new boss's about it!

With high school it went well, they were all really supportive and helpful..and it meant I could be more relaxed around them. Some of them did report it to others and it got spiralled a bit, but in the end all it did was help.

Now you have pros and cons, what do you think is most important. Is the awkwardness too much to bear, or are you willing to put up with it to stop the risk of other people finding out?
xx


"Friends are like stars; you don't always see them but you know they are always there"

"It gives me hope. I love you so much. You give me a reason to breathe. Its something for me to not kill myself for" >>> means so much :')

Paramore! <3
Pm me anytime, I like to help!
  Send a message via MSN to Nomophobia  
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
tamz Offline
Member
Regular TeenHelper
*****
 
tamz's Avatar
 
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Location: UK

Posts: 355
Join Date: February 20th 2011

Re: should i tell my tutor? - March 2nd 2011, 11:47 PM

ok, i just pressed send. eeek! I'm so nervous!

But also I figure my self harming has already got to the point of missing uni and needing stitches, so this really can't make it any worse. I guess I was this nervous just telling him about the depression but he was really supportive of it so hopefully he'll be okay with this. SI is just such a dodgy topic though. You can never tell how someone is going to react about it, cos like loads of people just think you're crazy & attention seeking and whatever. I guess being a personal tutor he may have come across this issue before. Who knows, I guess I'll find out tomorrow.

Thanks for letting me talk about it, has given me the courage to press send

Wow, there is no way I would tell me boss! I once wrote a thread on another site about whether or not I should tell my boss. The next day I re read it and though what the hell was I thinking, no way! But then, he was about the most insensitive person you could ever meet. And he's also been sacked for sexual stuff and got brought up (but got away with) sexual assault of a staff member (a close friend of mine) so considering I self harm mostly because of sa, I don't think it would have gone down too well.

Hope things go well if you do decide to tell your new boss
   
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
tamz Offline
Member
Regular TeenHelper
*****
 
tamz's Avatar
 
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Location: UK

Posts: 355
Join Date: February 20th 2011

Re: should i tell my tutor? - March 3rd 2011, 09:02 PM

Hey, just thought i'd update you on the situation.

I haven't physically seen my personal tutor, I won't now until tuesday, but he did email back. He basically just said thanks for letting him know and that I should talk to the counselling service and that self harm is a medical thing and there's loads of help available.

So yeah, he reacted a lot better than he could have. As it happens, I already am seeing a counsellor. Hopefully he won't bring it up next time I see him alone (which will be wednesday). Also, he told me to just speak to the person in charge of the prac and say I wasn't there, thankfully he too didn't ask why I wasn't, just said to fill in a medical form and write that I was ill - he even said he didn't want to know the specifics which is really good because I was terrified of him asking, but I barely know the guy so wouldn't feel comfortable admitting it.

Anyway, this has turned into a rather long waffle. Thanks for letting me talk about it yesterday.

Last edited by tamz; March 3rd 2011 at 09:02 PM. Reason: grrr, stupid typo
   
  (#7 (permalink)) Old
Nomophobia Offline
Music is my escape
Senior TeenHelper
*******
 
Nomophobia's Avatar
 
Name: Muse
Gender: Female
Location: UK, Wales

Posts: 866
Blog Entries: 300
Join Date: January 6th 2009

Re: should i tell my tutor? - March 3rd 2011, 09:48 PM

aww that's great to hear! u didn't waffle don't worry!

Really glad it worked out for you xxx


"Friends are like stars; you don't always see them but you know they are always there"

"It gives me hope. I love you so much. You give me a reason to breathe. Its something for me to not kill myself for" >>> means so much :')

Paramore! <3
Pm me anytime, I like to help!
  Send a message via MSN to Nomophobia  
Closed Thread

Bookmarks

Tags
tutor

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




All material copyright 1998-2019, TeenHelp.
Terms | Legal | Privacy | Conduct | Complaints

Powered by vBulletin®.
Copyright ©2000-2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search engine optimization by vBSEO.
Theme developed in association with vBStyles.