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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Heathen Offline
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Well, f*** - March 7th 2011, 06:47 PM

So I self-harmed again...a lot. I'd been planning this for days, starting on Friday when my mom asked me to give her all the implements I had in the house. That's why I kept asking my boyfriend not to leave me this weekend. That's why I looked at him the way I did when he dropped me off last night. Because I knew this was going to happen.

And, inevitably, they're putting me in the fucking hospital again. God I hate it there, but what did I expect, that they'd say "Oh sure, Jordan, you're just fine." Even if I did truly give them all my implements this time. I have nothing left to self harm with. They want me to get stitches but I refuse. I will not give in on that point.

I leave within the hour for the hospital. I guess my point is that I'm scared. I thought this would be the last time, but I was so dizzy afterwards and so calm, I already want to do it again. Cutting is my perfect drug, and I don't know how to stop. I already know any therapy they do at the hospital won't help me. I already know they can't; I've been there six times now. I don't know what to do, if even the hospital doesn't help me.

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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Well, f*** - March 7th 2011, 09:04 PM

Well in order to be better or gett better you have to want to stop yourself. And just you going to the mental hospital isn't really going to help much sense you really dont seem to want to quit. I suggest you try different ways with coping with your emotions so that you dont cut so badly.

Some things are beautiful because they are un-obtainable <3

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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Riddikulus Offline
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Re: Well, f*** - March 10th 2011, 04:08 PM

I know things seem hard at the moment, but you can do this, stay strong. I know you said you didn't want to go back to hosiptal, but it may help? People are obviously concerned and want what is best for you. Maybe you should talk to them and discuss what you think is best for you?
You are amazing and beauitful and you can get through this!
Feel free to PM me if you ever want to talk
Stay strong and take care
Charli :-)

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Re: Well, f*** - March 10th 2011, 06:04 PM

like you said hon, it's your DRUG. Like all drugs, this is only going to hurt you. Now and in the long run. I really hope everything goes okay in the hospital, and if you ever need to talk, my PM box is always open.

“I can only hope that they’ll turn that anger and frustration and madness into something positive, so that two, three, four, five hundred will step forward, so the gay doctors will come out, the gay lawyers, the gay judges, gay bankers, gay architects … I hope that every professional gay will say ‘enough’, come forward and tell everybody, wear a sign, let the world know. Maybe that will help.” Harvey Milk, 1978

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Palmolive Offline
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Re: Well, f*** - March 10th 2011, 09:58 PM

Hey there.

I'm really sorry things are real rough for you right now. You don't deserve to have to go through this and feel this way.

I am glad you're going to hospital because I hope that it helps you and that this is your turning around point. Make sure you really try hard to work with them and to be honest with the staff because they can only help you in a way which you will benefit from if they know what's going on for you right now. I know it's hard and scary but you can do it. Try to stay positive about it and open minded. I know thats so much easier saying than doing, but its really important.

Things can and will get better and you can become free of self harm and live a life with out it so don't give and keep going. Don't isolate yourself, let people in and let them help you. You deserve the help, you deserve to get better. You can do this so keep believing.

Stay strong, chin up!

"Only in the dark, can you see the stars..."
Josie 12/3/2014, always in my heart. Sue 19/2/2016; Peter, Ellie, Hannah, Andy, Kirtsie RIP.

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