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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
SparklingWine Offline
Normality, my friends.
Jeez, get a life!
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I'm annoyed. - March 8th 2011, 07:41 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

It's already bad that I cut. But I can only cut if it's deep.
I cut myself tonight. It's obvious it needs stitches, and I sit here, typing this.

Quick off topic question: If you cut deep enough to see the muscle..and there is a little bubble there..what is that? I poked at it, and nothing happened, so I'm wondering what it is.. oh well.

I would go and get stitches...AGAIN accept for the fact that I was just there three days ago for stitches. Good Lord. And quite honestly, I have four stitch worthy cuts on my left arm. I refuse to check my thighs. I just don't care..

I'm dying inside. Crumbling. I'm at a loss on what to do. It sucks. I just want things to be ok. I want to have friends I can trust in RL, I want to be skinny, I want to be beautiful, I want to be happy. I'm freaking selfish. Listen to me.

I'm calling the counseling place tomorrow. But I don't know what's going to help me anymore.

I don't know what to do.. I don't know how to feel better. I've already got the Alternative Thread added to my favorites on google chrome, so no sense in linking it to me.

I'm going to be straight forward and say that I don't know what I'm even asking of you all right now. I'm wondering if this even has a point.

EDIT:
I'm scared... I don't want to go to the ER again. I'm silently freaking out..






Last edited by SparklingWine; March 8th 2011 at 07:56 AM.
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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Riddikulus Offline
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Re: I'm annoyed. - March 8th 2011, 08:32 AM

Hey Lynds,
I know you said that you are scared and i understand what you are going through but if it needs stitches you should definitely seek medical help, especially if you can see the muscle.
I know that things are hard at the moment, but you have to remember that you are beautiful and amazing and never let anyone tell you otherwise!
Keep going, don't give up; 'Every thing will be okay in the end, if it is not okay, it is not the end.'
Stay strong and take care,
Feel free to PM me if you ever want to talk. :-)
Charli <3


'Never do anything that you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics'



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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I'm annoyed. - March 8th 2011, 06:23 PM

Lynds,
Stating the obvious here, but I'm going to say it anyways: Go get stitches if it's that deep.
I know it isn't as simple as just walking through the doors and being like "Hey, me again. Need ya to fix me up." I know it's terrifying and difficult to even consider. But Lynds, you have to take care of yourself. I mean, I suppose you don't have to. But you should, because you're worth it.
As far as the "bubble" goes...that's happened to me a lot...I think it's just tissue. I'm not sure though.
You're not selfish. Things WILL be ok. You're taking steps forward, and I know it's exhausting and scary, but I'm proud of you. Like, even making this thread is a step. I really am proud of you. Don't give up on yourself now Lynds. Or ever, for that matter. Healing takes time. Especially when you have a ton of pain built up inside you. And I know that you know that already. I know it's hard to be patient. I know that you're trying. Keep trying Lynds. You're making progress.
You ARE beautiful. You really are. Inside and out. You're freakin marvelous and anyone who has you in their life is lucky.
Sometimes, when we feel like we've been swimming for ages and we just want to get to the shore...the entire time, the sand has been right there beneath us, just waiting for us to plant our feet and stand up so we can see that the shore is right in front of us. You never know how close happiness is. It could be just around the corner Lynds. Life's a journey, and sometimes the path is rocky, but smoother paths are ahead. You're not alone. Whenever you need a hand, there's going to be one there to hold. Maybe 5 or 6
I hope you've called the counseling place. If you haven't, please do. Help is real and it's attainable. It might take some time to feel even a tad comfortable with opening up to a counselor, but you can do it. I believe in you.
You can message or call me anytime Lynds. Don't isolate yourself.

And...there doesn't really have to be a "point" to posting the thread. Sometimes it's nice to be heard. To be reassured that the doubts and insecurities running through your head aren't true. To be reminded that you're loved and cared about. So Lynds?
You're beautiful. You're amazing. You're wonderful. You're unique. You're intelligent. You're bright. You're dearly loved. You're cherished. You CAN do this. You ARE worth it. Hope IS real. This isn't forever. It's ok to need help, to lean on people. You aren't alone. You MATTER.
Hang in there. You know how to find me if you need anything <3
Don't quit.



Great works are performed not by strength, but by perseverance.
PM me anytime <3
   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
SparklingWine Offline
Normality, my friends.
Jeez, get a life!
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Re: I'm annoyed. - March 8th 2011, 11:40 PM

Thanks for the support, both of you.
It's just really hard. And I have a hard time asking for help.
And being motivated to follow through. I'm scared to know what's going to happen if I don't stop, but at the same time, I'm curious. I don't know what to do. I feel like I need the ultimate help. Like, admittance, for it to ever get better. Because in my mind-- I can't stop. My cuts are too deep. And too frequent. I can't be making daily ER trips. It's ridiculous.

Thanks for the replies.


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*CatchingStars* Offline
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Re: I'm annoyed. - March 8th 2011, 11:59 PM

remeber the promises thing keep that inmind
I agree-- this is a great idea!

-I promise not to hurt myself when something goes wrong.
-I promise to look at thing in a more positive light.
-I promise to start taking my own advice that I give to others.
-I promise to actively seek help.

The hard part is trying to follow these promises.. Lol

-I promise to make an effort to keep all promises listed above.


keep that in mind ok u can do this go get help and go to the ER and jst make somthing up if they ask alright im here for you

love coco




Life is too

Short to spend

It at war with

Yourself.

Iím catching stars in the sky because I am fixing the soul within me. May it be from the heart a girl broke years ago or my soul simply repairing itself as it was shattered on my walk on this earth. May the stardust fill those cracks within my soul making me brand new, but never forgetting who I once was.


   
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