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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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Troubled_Heart Offline
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How/Should tell my mum I self harm - March 15th 2011, 06:10 PM

Ok so I don't know why I self harm, I'm not properly depressed but I get depressed over the cuts which makes me cut more. I have an elastic band but the pain isn't right and I need the blood to feel better. Mum (single parent) has seen the cuts on holiday, I told her they are from our cat however she doesn't believe it (on holiday she kinda made out she did). Yesterday she checked my arms and said she doesn't believe the cat did it, she thinks I've been using a compass. I shook her off. I've actually been using a razor blade. But I know she wouldn't get me help, for a start we couldn't afford it. My school (to my knowledge) doesn't have a councillor and I don't feel comfortable talking about it. All mum will do is tell me to stop and then get annoyed with me, we are really close but I feel so awkward and guilty around her. I have a friend who knows but she's different and sensitive. Should I/how should I tell my mum?
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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: How/Should tell my mum I self harm - March 15th 2011, 06:18 PM

By the sounds of it, your mom already has some idea about this. Maybe you could write her a leter on just sit her down and tell her. She is probably very worried and may shout at first, that is because she may not know what to say or how to react,, but she would come around in time. It is a good idea to tell your mom, as she could help and support you through this.
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Re: How/Should tell my mum I self harm - March 16th 2011, 01:03 AM

Hey there.

I think it might help to talk to your mother about it. Extra support never hurts.

As to how to tell her... You could wait and see if she brings it up again, in which case just be as open and honest with her as you can. If she doesn't, you could try writing her a letter, like Charli suggested, or just ask her if you can talk to her.

It sounds like your mother's reacting the way she is because she doesn't understand what you're going through. It might help for you to talk to her, explain what exactly self harm is, how she can help you get throught it, etc; maybe even make/print out a pamphlet for her to read? The more she knows, the better she'll be able to talk.

You shouldn't feel guilty. You're struggling, and you found a not-so-healthy coping mechanism. That doesn't make you a bad person, or a disappointment. And the fact you're willing to reach out shows that you do want to get past this, and I believe you can.

If you don't feel comfortable talking to your mother, or a counsellor (if your school has one - most schools do; have you tried finding a definite answer to whether yours does?), you could try calling a hotline. There you can talk to people who are trained to help.

I wish you all the best.


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Re: How/Should tell my mum I self harm - March 16th 2011, 01:24 AM

Hey there,
I definately think you should just confront your mom with it. A long in depth conversation about your emotions will helpe her understand you better so she can help you, even if it is hard. Most schools do have counselors so definately check into that in your school. Also, most counselors accept insurance you just have to check first. Also, your teachers and religious leaders (if you have any) are other adult figures to talk to. Don't be afraid to reach out to people. It feels a lot better once it's out in the open.


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If I can make it out, you can too.
   
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Re: How/Should tell my mum I self harm - March 16th 2011, 03:35 AM

Find a quiet time. Be honest with her. I am pretty sure your mother will support you. I know that she will also try to get you help. You should never be afraid to talk to your own mother. Just be honest with her. She loves you. She doesn't want anything bad to happen to you. She doesn't want you to harm yourself. Sit down, and say, "Mother I need help. I really need you right now.". Sit down, and have a long talk with her. I know it is hard to come out to parents that you cut. But your mother can be a good support system for you. If you ever need to talk, we are here.


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Re: How/Should tell my mum I self harm - March 16th 2011, 04:18 AM

Hey, I've had those akward conversations with my mother to. It does suck at first but believe me it's needed and worth it. You have a head start because she already suspects something. Maybe just begin like "So, you know how you thought the cuts on my arms got there, well you're right. I did it and I think we should talk about this. Please listen though and I'll explain the best I can." As for the money thing, think of it this way; although you're not trying to kill yourself (based on what you said) it could still happen. What if you go to deep on your wrist. That'd be it. Also, your life can become consumed in this addiction until you have no life left in you and you give up. Getting you help before this gets worse is nescesarry. Your mom will find the money if it means saving your life. I'm not going to say I understand because I don't know your life completley, but the basics of this stuff, I've been through/still going through a little. So if you need me, PM me and I'm here for you.


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Re: How/Should tell my mum I self harm - March 17th 2011, 09:11 AM

Hey there! First and foremost, good on you for even CONTEMPLATING telling a trusted adult. That's an enormous first step! If you really feel in your heart that confiding in your mother will be of some help, then by all means, go for it Even if she can't get you help (due to financial constraints or whatever else), there are resources available that can help. Inquire at school--there should be a school counselor available to students (I don't know anything about your schooling situation, but usually, counselors serve as major components to school faculty). If you're iffy/unsure about telling your mom, then perhaps wait it out. The mere fact that you're contemplating telling her is indicative of the fact that a part of you wants to recover--and believe me, recovery is possible (challenging--and I know this because I struggle with SI, as well--but it IS possible).

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Re: How/Should tell my mum I self harm - March 17th 2011, 06:44 PM

Thank you guys for all your help. Apparently our school nurse is a qualified councillor so I'm going to book an appointment with her in a couple of weeks when she is next in before I tell mum and I've got alot going on at the moment. Thank you again!
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Re: How/Should tell my mum I self harm - March 17th 2011, 07:05 PM

I also need help in telling my mum about self harm

I don't know who to tell: my mum or my auntie... and I need to tell them soon because I have a feeling its gonna get worse, much worse

PM me your replies!
   
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Re: How/Should tell my mum I self harm - March 17th 2011, 09:39 PM

okay, I told my mum!
anyone who needs help just write your mum a letter
   
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Re: How/Should tell my mum I self harm - March 18th 2011, 04:11 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by BethEmoGirl View Post
okay, I told my mum!
anyone who needs help just write your mum a letter
Hey, I'm thinking of telling my mum but I'm scared.

I keep thinking how if I was a mother, I'd want my daughter / son to be able to talk to me about this sort of thing. I wouldn't want them to be alone in dealing with this. And I guess in a sense that's why I want to tell my mum and dad. But at the same time I'm so scared of their reaction. What if they hate me for it? Can they even help at all? I suppose my thinking is for 1) I can't stand wearing long sleeves again this summer and 2) self harm is like my dirty little secret. It's all about control for me, but the more people who know, the less control it's giving me, thus theoretically I should stop doing it as much. As hard as it will be, I *need* to stop doing this, I can't go on like this.

Could do with a few words of encouragement from someone who's been there to be honest.

To OP: well done on even thinking about it lovely, I know it's such a HUGE step telling someone. Good luck with your school counsellor and telling your mum.
   
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Re: How/Should tell my mum I self harm - March 19th 2011, 06:02 PM

[Edited] Maybe you could see a councillor to help you and think how you would react as a mum and how your mum will be the same. I know I've not told yet but I'm getting there... I just need the scars on my arm to go and I think I would find it a lot easier without having the scars holding me back.


When life gives you one thousand reasons to cry, show life one million reasons to SMILE!


Last edited by Fading Light.; March 20th 2011 at 06:18 AM. Reason: Please do not encourage others to self harm.
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