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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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Could i be looking for *ATTENTION* - March 22nd 2011, 07:17 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I think ive done something wrong. I think ive told to many people. I think there is Mentaly Something Wrong with me but cant find out wat or why is it? The last time ive did it was a week ago when i did something terribly wrong in my home. I feel so bad for wat ive done to my parents. Then yestorday i ended up doing it again. Am i or not looking for *ATTENTION*? Is there mentaly something wrong with me? Why do i keep on doing it? My friend told me its now a Addiction. I have my Whole left arm full of scars n cuts n i feel bad bout it but then i dont bc i dont care to show them. I dont care if someone ask me wat happened. I didnt care if they put me away. I didnt care if i killed myself n have to live in Hell. I just dont understand myself. I feel lost. Am i looking for something to help me get through this? Should i stop before i get worse? But then i keep thinking all the time to just push the razor down on my arm till my skin split into n i bleed to death. I just keep thinkin of that. Would it bother me? I dont think it would bc i cant feel the pain now with how many i have on my arm. I dont understand. Am I Looking for *ATTENTION*?

Please help me. Ive tried almost everything in the book to stop but i somehow cant. It seems like every day im happy then im sad another min. I dont know anymore.


R.I.P
CJ Collins 1993-2008
He was a Awesome Kid
I Love you n Miss you


You learn at a certain pace. Then that pace goes away. Then

you try and try to do everything you can. Then it gets harder.

Then you give up. Then its all over.

Leslie
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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Could i be looking for *ATTENTION* - March 22nd 2011, 07:34 PM

Talk to your favorite teacher. Relieve all those negative emotions your feeling. They help they really do (:


Some things are beautiful because they are un-obtainable <3

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Re: Could i be looking for *ATTENTION* - March 22nd 2011, 07:56 PM

i dont have a teacher. but i have a therapist n i see her every week but not this week bc we had something going on. But i can talk to my parents. My mom wont listen n she just pushes me away everytime i want to talk. Shes never home anyways. so i stop waisting my breath on her. But then my dad sometimes is agrvated with my brother n it puts him n a bad mood n then sometimes takes it out on me. Then i try to talk to my cousins n my one cousin she has her own problems so i dont want to talk to her n my other cousin she trys to listen but she cant help. Nobody seems to listen to me. tats why im on here n talk to u guys. I have a therapist but she agvrates me. last time i did something wrong with my parents n he started *Throwing Rocks* Just a expression. but he says he wasnt but he really was bc i was pissed when he did tat in front of her. I know i did it wrong n now they cant trust me. but i think they got over tat. Now when something is wrong with me or something happens i end up taking it out on myself. bc i feel so terrible. I try to talk to u guys n u guys give me good advice i n try tat but it seems not to work for me. I feel like im losing it. I sometimes want to go up to a cop n just tell him n show him tat im suicdal. but then i couldnt bc of my friend n my parents would start freakin out where am i if i didnt come back. I want to sometimes get away from this house bc of the stress. But idk anymore. I think ive done with my Life n should give it up. bc im not worth living n worth having to keep up with everyone. Me n my mom were in walmart n i was shocking her bc of static electricity from the buggys n she got pissed bc i thought it was funny n she told me in front of everyone *Dont Make me SLAP you in fron of everyone* I was totally Quiet n stopped doing it after tat. N another day when my friend told me tat she was moving into her own house i want to move with her n i was telling him momn she said * If you move out your NEVER COMIN BACK* I was like WAT! But idk shes been in her own world. my dad even gave up on her n i am now bc shes never there for me n helps me n listens to me. so i dont care anymore bout my life or anyone elses. Ive lost everything to me.


Sry its so long. I just wanted to get it off my Chest.


R.I.P
CJ Collins 1993-2008
He was a Awesome Kid
I Love you n Miss you


You learn at a certain pace. Then that pace goes away. Then

you try and try to do everything you can. Then it gets harder.

Then you give up. Then its all over.

Leslie
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Re: Could i be looking for *ATTENTION* - March 22nd 2011, 09:40 PM

I don't think I have a reason for self harm, I do it but I don't know why, I sometimes wander if I'm doing it for attention but then I hate showing them to people and I deny it with all my heart if they are seen. Even if it is for attention that doesn't make you less worthy. It doesn't make you stupid and you obviously suffer like others. If you do it for attention I think you would know. If you do it because you think people will look at them and start fussing then I would say yes it is for attention, but if not then it is highly unlikely. PM me if you need to talk. Go in Peace! <3


When life gives you one thousand reasons to cry, show life one million reasons to SMILE!

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Re: Could i be looking for *ATTENTION* - March 22nd 2011, 09:43 PM

That is not fair that your mother just pushes you away everytime you want to talk. It is actually very immature of her, then again, I shouldn't be mean to someone I don't know. That is just inconsiderate of your mother and it seems that no one is really taking the time to listen to you. I've been through something similar and I know that my parents interrupt me still when I need to talk with them. Nothing has worked for me, but for a while saying "I want to talk with you without interruptions for 5 minutes" worked. It doesn't work anymore because my parents can't keep a good judge of time. -_- Anways, just try that. Tell your parents how you feel.

It doesn't seem like you are pushing them away. It is them pushing you away.




"It is better to be feared than loved, if not both."

   
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Re: Could i be looking for *ATTENTION* - March 22nd 2011, 10:24 PM

well they seemed to be pushing me away everytime i want to talk to them. I never get a chance to talk unless i talk to my cousins or my dad sometimes when hes not in a bad mood n on here. bc i cant let my feelings out to my parents bc they just dont want to hear bout it bc i complain n whin all the time. but then i tell them *then how am i suppose to do it?* act like everything is ok n go on with my life the way it is. I dont know anymore. I can aleast let my feelings out on here with out u guys telling me *STOP WHINNING* or I dont want to hear bout it. So this place is better. I was going to tell my dad tat i cut again but he totally dont want to hear tat i do it anymore. He doesnt care if i do or dont do it. So idk anymore. Ive tried talking to them some simliar way like tat but it didnt work. Im just going to keep it quiet n when they see tat ive done something bad they will end up regreting it bc of something they didnt do for me to make me better.


R.I.P
CJ Collins 1993-2008
He was a Awesome Kid
I Love you n Miss you


You learn at a certain pace. Then that pace goes away. Then

you try and try to do everything you can. Then it gets harder.

Then you give up. Then its all over.

Leslie
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  (#7 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Could i be looking for *ATTENTION* - March 22nd 2011, 10:48 PM

I think my mom is the cause of wat i do n how she is n why she pushes me away all the time. I feel its her fault for wat she does to me. Why? Idk. Shes never here for me. Shes nothing to me anymore. Soo ive lost my mom. I could cut right now but tat thing keeps on coming back *Just push the razor down on yourself n split it wide open* Would it hurt I dont think so. I cant feel pain anymore. So i could do it. I think it would be good to do it. It helps me releave the stress sometimes. or maybe i should get a rubberband n snap it around my wrist. i think ive lost it. idk i HATE MY LIFE!


R.I.P
CJ Collins 1993-2008
He was a Awesome Kid
I Love you n Miss you


You learn at a certain pace. Then that pace goes away. Then

you try and try to do everything you can. Then it gets harder.

Then you give up. Then its all over.

Leslie
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Re: Could i be looking for *ATTENTION* - March 24th 2011, 12:39 AM

That sounds terrible. I know that I go away from my parents because they tell me that they don't find half the things I do acceptable. They call me names and all of that, so I kinda have grown to ignore them. I usually find that roleplaying, not in a sexual way, relieves a lot of stress in my life, but it is also addicting for me. You might just want to find something that draws your attention away from reality and create a world all your own. I know that I do. I have a character that lives in my mind that I roleplay when I get upset with my family. I just create a story and all of my problems with them go away. It seems like talking doesn't work at all. I pray that this helps. If you have anything you want to discuss, I usually come on every day. So, if you just want to PM me to talk and have a discussion. I am willing to listen.




"It is better to be feared than loved, if not both."

   
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Re: Could i be looking for *ATTENTION* - March 24th 2011, 04:39 PM

ya ill have to try tat n see if tat helps. im going to try my hardest make things better for me now. I dont want to be like this forever. If i live forever. But idk anymore


R.I.P
CJ Collins 1993-2008
He was a Awesome Kid
I Love you n Miss you


You learn at a certain pace. Then that pace goes away. Then

you try and try to do everything you can. Then it gets harder.

Then you give up. Then its all over.

Leslie
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  (#10 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Could i be looking for *ATTENTION* - March 24th 2011, 10:11 PM

Another suggestion I have is saving up money that you receive from jobs and stuff. Make sure that you save at least $100 per pay check and then when you have enough, rent a place by yourself or with a friend. Have it so that your parents don't have your phone number or anything. I think that it will help you. I know that is what I am going to do. First, I've got to pay off some debt to my parents, but then I am going to buy my own place. I've told my mom that I don't want contact with her after I leave home due to emotional differences, so I hope that my dad will understand as well.

I hope that this is helping you.




"It is better to be feared than loved, if not both."

   
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Re: Could i be looking for *ATTENTION* - March 25th 2011, 08:37 AM

There was something that helped me for a while... You take a sharpie, or a fake tattoo <<one of those rub on ones you used to get when you were small>> and put it on the area... prefurably something pretty like a butterfly... so when you want to harm the area you see the butterfly and your like I cant do it. You promise yourself that as long as you have that butterfly you wont Self Harm. and when it fades. draw or buy a new one... it helped me for a long time.
   
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Re: Could i be looking for *ATTENTION* - March 25th 2011, 01:35 PM

sounds like a good suggestion to do. thanks n ill try to do tat


R.I.P
CJ Collins 1993-2008
He was a Awesome Kid
I Love you n Miss you


You learn at a certain pace. Then that pace goes away. Then

you try and try to do everything you can. Then it gets harder.

Then you give up. Then its all over.

Leslie
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Re: Could i be looking for *ATTENTION* - March 25th 2011, 11:59 PM

I think that you probably are seeking attention subconciously. And that's okay, but you need to make yourself realise that there are better ways to get attention, that self-harming yourself.
Your friend is right when they said it is an addiction, and if you feel you can trust them, talk to them! You just need to spill out your feelings to someone!:-)
I'd also suggest counseling? People often don't want to go because it seems scary or it makes them feel like there's something wrong with them. But you really should go, they can help you sooo much. Really, the whole way forward is just to talk to people! Anyone, your friends, counsellor, parents, or even someone like me? I'm always here if you ever need advice/ a chat :-)
Good luck, you'll be fine!:-) xxxxxxxxx
   
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Re: Could i be looking for *ATTENTION* - March 26th 2011, 01:06 AM

Just from skimming your post and my personal experience with it I believe that maybe cutting started out as looking for attention for you but then as it slowly started getting more addicting it stopped and became a way to relieve pain and feeling because you can't or no one will listen to you when you want to talk. Even though you don't hide your cuts and don't care if people ask about them I don't think your doing it for attention I think you might be suicidal and need to tell your counclor this. I read that she fustrates you and they are there to help not annoy or fustrate so my advise it to maybe try and find a new one but keep this one till you do. I hope this makes sense and helped a little.


Don't lose who you are, in the blur of the stars
Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing,
It's okay not to be okay
Sometimes it's hard, to follow your heart
Tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising,
Just be true to who you are
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Re: Could i be looking for *ATTENTION* - March 26th 2011, 01:22 AM

well for 1 thing

1. Im not looking for ATTENTION
2. Ive lost the thing of I DONT CARE wat others think
3. Ive tried to not show them but i grew out of it bc i wasnt scared of wat other thinked bout wat ive done.
4. People dont amaze me anymore
5. I dont care bout myself
6. I do have a therapist n im suppose to go see them in the next 2 weeks
7. I dont care bout my life bc its just going to get worse
n 8. Life isnt happy anymore for me

sooo im sry


R.I.P
CJ Collins 1993-2008
He was a Awesome Kid
I Love you n Miss you


You learn at a certain pace. Then that pace goes away. Then

you try and try to do everything you can. Then it gets harder.

Then you give up. Then its all over.

Leslie
  Send a message via Skype™ to Lovehatelife23 
  (#16 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Could i be looking for *ATTENTION* - March 26th 2011, 03:45 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lovehatelife23 View Post
well for 1 thing

1. Im not looking for ATTENTION
2. Ive lost the thing of I DONT CARE wat others think
3. Ive tried to not show them but i grew out of it bc i wasnt scared of wat other thinked bout wat ive done.
4. People dont amaze me anymore
5. I dont care bout myself
6. I do have a therapist n im suppose to go see them in the next 2 weeks
7. I dont care bout my life bc its just going to get worse
n 8. Life isnt happy anymore for me

sooo im sry
Read my post again I said your not doing it for attention and that if your theripist is anoying you that isn't helpful it just adds to things so maybe you should look for a new one. Yes i'll admit life can get worse heck mine has but it will also always get better,


Don't lose who you are, in the blur of the stars
Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing,
It's okay not to be okay
Sometimes it's hard, to follow your heart
Tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising,
Just be true to who you are
|Member 2007||Senior Community Mentor||Social Media Guru||Resource & Newsletter Editor||Writer||Chat Mod|
|Forum Mod: LGBT, Sexuality and gender identity, Eating Disorders, Self-Harm, Peer Pressure and Bullying, Disability, Good Days, Friends & Family|
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Re: Could i be looking for *ATTENTION* - March 26th 2011, 01:46 PM

i wasnt talking bout u i was talking bout the one before u.

ya life is hard n for me it seems like it wont get better. but idk.
life is life n it has its ups n downs n mines been close to 4months now. so i lose my sence to care bout anything anymore. my life is ok sometimes n then it gets bad n then it gets good n then it gets worse everday its like this. so idk anymore....


R.I.P
CJ Collins 1993-2008
He was a Awesome Kid
I Love you n Miss you


You learn at a certain pace. Then that pace goes away. Then

you try and try to do everything you can. Then it gets harder.

Then you give up. Then its all over.

Leslie
  Send a message via Skype™ to Lovehatelife23 
  (#18 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Could i be looking for *ATTENTION* - March 26th 2011, 11:17 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lovehatelife23 View Post
i wasnt talking bout u i was talking bout the one before u.

ya life is hard n for me it seems like it wont get better. but idk.
life is life n it has its ups n downs n mines been close to 4months now. so i lose my sence to care bout anything anymore. my life is ok sometimes n then it gets bad n then it gets good n then it gets worse everday its like this. so idk anymore....
I know what you mean mine is like that too right now it is at it's downword spiral but it might get better IDK But hey if you ever need to talk i'm always here for you.


Don't lose who you are, in the blur of the stars
Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing,
It's okay not to be okay
Sometimes it's hard, to follow your heart
Tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising,
Just be true to who you are
|Member 2007||Senior Community Mentor||Social Media Guru||Resource & Newsletter Editor||Writer||Chat Mod|
|Forum Mod: LGBT, Sexuality and gender identity, Eating Disorders, Self-Harm, Peer Pressure and Bullying, Disability, Good Days, Friends & Family|
|PM/VM|


   
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Re: Could i be looking for *ATTENTION* - March 27th 2011, 02:04 AM

ok thank you very much...


R.I.P
CJ Collins 1993-2008
He was a Awesome Kid
I Love you n Miss you


You learn at a certain pace. Then that pace goes away. Then

you try and try to do everything you can. Then it gets harder.

Then you give up. Then its all over.

Leslie
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Re: Could i be looking for *ATTENTION* - March 27th 2011, 03:03 AM

People cut for a variety of reasons and I can't say whether you're doing it for attention or not. Just from what you said here I don't think you are. The best way to stop is to figure out why you do it, so try talking to your therapist and if they aren't helpful then try to find someone else. Finding the right professional can take a while and that's ok. Try to focus on how you feel right before you do it that might help you understand why.


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Re: Could i be looking for *ATTENTION* - March 27th 2011, 03:28 AM

Im not looking for Attention. If i was then i would not show my arms. I would have them hid. But they are showen bc i dont care wat others think n if they asked i would say something else then * I hurt myself*. Im not stupid. I have a reason why im doing it : Im doing it bc i feel bad bout myself wich doesnt make it any easier then putting scars on myself but anyways i do it bc i hate my life n the way i am my whole life. Im not beautiful, im useless. I dont do anything right, Im not happy, Im always depressed bout something. Im not scared of dying n death. I do it for various of reason bc of my life the way it is. N no im not looking for ATTENTION bc if i was i would not show my arms out in public if i was scared of them saying its *HOT why dont u take tat long sleeve off* i would be scared to show them bc i thought they would call the cops n have me put in a mental hospital. So i am scared of going back but i dont have no intent of caring if they did or not bc Im an adult i can do watever to my body. they have no reason of telling wat to do with it. So if they put me away ill be out bc i can sign myself out anyways. Im not mental i just have problems. Everyone has problems n they take it out in different ways. So i can understand me being 16 again n being put into a mental hospital for doing this but im 19 n i have the say so over going there or not...So no one can make me unless i want to go. But thanks for yall advice n i do appreciate it very much.


R.I.P
CJ Collins 1993-2008
He was a Awesome Kid
I Love you n Miss you


You learn at a certain pace. Then that pace goes away. Then

you try and try to do everything you can. Then it gets harder.

Then you give up. Then its all over.

Leslie
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