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jhor Offline
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I'm confused as to wether I want to stop - March 22nd 2011, 11:39 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Well, I change my mind about cutting alot. One day I think that I'm ready to stop and I have all these reasons and then I decide that I'm not going to any more. I think "okay, good. I'm not crazy anymore"

Then a day or two later, I'm thinking "Ah, it's really not a big deal. I don't see why i should stop" or something a long those lines. Then I cut just because I'm bored and numb. I get deeper and deeper now, which I never thought I would like they say on anti-cut sites and shit. I used to do little sissy-slits that would barly bleed, now I have three or four that really should get stiches. But I love it deeper, I love the little startle I get when I feel the warm blood run down my leg, I love it, and I don't want to stop.

Days later, my mind is changed again and I'm panicking because I have a dance recital coming up and my dress is really short and shows everything. I feel stupid about it and blah blah blah. The cycle starts again.

I have very little will power when it comes to everyday life, and I change my mind alot.
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Re: I'm confused as to wether I want to stop - March 23rd 2011, 02:39 AM

Hey there, & welcome to TH

First off, I'm really sorry that you're struggling with all of this; cutting has the potential to be extremely addicting, and stopping is neither simple nor easy. But one of the first steps to really changing things, (after realizing and admitting to yourself that you're having problems with this,) is to want to stop. None if this is easy, but you're not alone and you're definitely getting there... it's a process, and believe it or not, you're doing well. Reaching out for help and paying attention to how you feel and when can really be key.

It might help to make a list of these reasons that you've mentioned, and add to it. You can go back to this list to remind yourself of why you want to stop cutting whenever your resolve isn't as strong. One thing that I've found helpful in the past is delaying self-harm; making deals with yourself not to touch anything you may cut with until you finish your homework, then until you finish this/ these show(s), then until after you take this jog, or try this craft, etc... these sorts of activities can help keep your mind off of cutting long enough for these compulsions or triggering feelings to subside.
For a list of alternatives to self-harm here.

I know that it can be difficult to see, but you have more power when it comes to your everyday life than you think; each of your days are comprised of choice after choice. Be conscious of what you do, and it will get easier realize the control you have over your decisions and, in many cases, your thoughts as well.

I wish you the absolute best of luck,

I believe thatyou're inherently beautiful : )

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Re: I'm confused as to wether I want to stop - March 23rd 2011, 03:33 AM

i agree, part of me WANTS to stop, but the other half of me doesn't want to. thats why im not telling anyone. then i will have to stop and i wont have the choice whether i want to stop or not.
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Re: I'm confused as to wether I want to stop - March 24th 2011, 05:08 PM

Hey... I'm exactly the same... I can sometimes go a week or to not needing to cut that much but then I think well it's not killing me and need to again. I don't think I can tell you if you do or don't want to stop because it is your own mind... but it is probably that at times you don't need to cut and therfore want to stop it but when you get the urge that is more important to you.. deep down you probably do want to stop because you are contemplating it... but it's just too hard... Go in Peace my Friend <3!!

When life gives you one thousand reasons to cry, show life one million reasons to SMILE!

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