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Arcenciel Offline
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Why Endorphines kick ass. - March 23rd 2011, 09:02 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Yesterday, I got a tattoo...my first one. it was so scary, but so exciting. My friend, who is an artist, did it for me.

While she was doing it, my other friend (who was with me) was like "wow dude you're tough" and I was like "I used to cut, I'm pretty accustomed to this kind of stuff" and she was like haha yeah I guess...like, I have a pretty good pain tolerance level. The odd thing was, when i think about it now, is that it felt exactly like cutting...it hurt, but the pain was so good. An hour after we were done, I went to see my therapist and my psychiatrist (we just had a short meeting to discuss my meds) and I showed them and my therapist was like "you're running on endorphines right now." Which I was. I knew that. I had nothing but endorphines running through my veins. She was concerned, because that's exactly how I felt after I used to cut (I don't do it anymore).

I'm kind of concerned too...It felt so good. It still stings the same way cuts do. When I wear my sweater, it feels THE SAME. I don't know...it's really hard not to cut right now, because this feels so good...but I know I shouldn't. I won't, but this feeling is so good.
   
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Re: Why Endorphines kick ass. - March 23rd 2011, 09:21 PM

Jennifer, endorphins are fine but when they're from cutting...they're not worth it. The scars. The guilty feeling. The hiding it. The way it takes over. It's not good. A good way to get endorphins is running. Your body deserved to be treated with gentleness and respect.


Just Keep Breathing
   
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Re: Why Endorphines kick ass. - March 23rd 2011, 09:43 PM

That's exactly the reason why I'm both excited yet frightened to get my first tattoo. Excited because of the feeling of it.. and knowing that if I can get past the urges to SH afterwards, I can get through it at anytime. But then again, I'm frightened, because I don't want it to be so "good" that I relapse.

I guess this is the best time to show yourself that you are stronger than the urge to SH is.


"Although only breath, words which I command are immortal." Sappho

"Sometimes I feel nothing at all. Sometimes I feel everything is my fault.
Sometimes I feel the hate break my mind. Sometimes I feel they deserve it this time.
May the bridges I burn light my way." - I, Alone - Otep

   
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