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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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SparklingWine Offline
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Hmm. - March 28th 2011, 09:35 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I'm going to try to keep this short and to the point.

So, i have an issue with Self Harm. Cutting is a problem for me.
I want to get better, but I don't at the same time because this is a comfort for me.
I've seen the alternative thread. But here is where is gets tricky- I'm always triggered.
I mean, I can't be doing an alternative 24/7. Where do I draw the line?

Today someone told me that they think that I am comfortable in my depression and am attention seeking and don't actually want to get better. It got me thinking- They might be right. I might not be ready for the help. But at the same time, I did make a counseling appt. and I go to the ER. I don't want attention though. That isn't my main motive in this.

Another part of me doesn't know how to explain what's wrong. Or why I SH in the first place. Maybe nothing is wrong. Maybe I just think there is. Then I look back at it and think of all the shit I go through and all the things that I haven't dealt with in life. I'm just at a loss of knowing what to do.

The long I go through this, the more suicidal I become. It's ridiculous. I never used to be suicidal. I used to love life and never wanted it to end. Now I OD on nyquil and hope I don't wake up. Great thoughts. What scares me the most is being curious about how far my I can go until I reach my limit. We all have them..

So. Feed back or thoughts would be appreciated.


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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Hmm. - March 28th 2011, 11:25 AM

Lynds,
Cutting, like you know, is an addiction. So even when you realize it's wrecking things for you, it's hard to completely wanna let go. But try to find within yourself a part of you that wants better than this in the future and hang onto that. Also since cutting is addictive, sometimes you just want it when nothing specifically is triggering you that you can think of. It's REALLY good that you made an appointment with a counselor because they should be able to help you with the proccess of figuring out what exactly it is that causes you to cut and how to stop.
The way you treat yourself breaks my heart. You're such a sweet and gentle person to everyone else. I know you'd never consider doing to someone else those things that you do to yourself. You deserve to be treated well Lynds. You deserve all the respect and care that you seem to give everyone but you. I'm nor sure how exactly you look at cutting but in case you don't see this, I'd say it's something to consider: no matter why you cut, it's an act of violence. You don't seem like a violent person sweetheart, and it's no more okay to do to yourself than to anyone else.
Cutting for attention isn't what I think you do. Here's why: if it was just for attention you wouldn't be addicted or feel deeply triggered. Doing it for attention and knowing when you need someone's help or a shoulder to cry on are two totally different things. It's okay that you need help. I know how hard it is to ask for and I'm really proud of you.
Suicide isn't an option Lynds. You are 18. You've got all the time in the world to sort through this and live a long happy cut-free, depression-free life. Also, you've still got time to find new wonders in life. To meet the one you love. To see the world. To change it for the better. Lynds, don't throw away your life. Everything will be worth it. If you haven't heard her story, I'd encourage you to look up Rene Yohe (the girl twloha started for). I think it'd really help you to have a more hopeful outlook.
I hope this helped you a little bit. Take care of yourself honey. You deserve it! PM me if you need anything okay?


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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Hmm. - March 28th 2011, 12:49 PM

Lyndsee I am so sorry that you're struggling. I have to make this quick because I'm about to head off to the next event here but I wanted to let you know that I love you and I'm here for you.
I'm not going to force you to talk to me. I'm here when ever you're ready. I know that you can get through this. I know that hope is possible. That rescue is possible. I believe in you, everybody here believes in you.

Hang in there pretty girl because I'm not letting you go <3


   
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Re: Hmm. - March 28th 2011, 04:48 PM

Hey Lynds,
I'm really sorry to hear you are struggling at the moment.
As Blair said; SH is addictive, it is understandable to just want to do it, that doesn't at all mean you are looking for attention, it means you are struggling . I am so proud of you for getting help and booking an appointment with a counsellor, that in itself shows your determination towards recovering. Hopefully that will help you control your thoughts, and then you won't need to be constantly battle the urges to SH.
I know you can do this, things seem hard and never ending at the moment but they will improve, i promise. :everything will be okay in the end, if it's not okay, it's not the end.'
You are beautiful, amazing and strong; you are stronger than you believe lovely, you can fight this. I believe in you. You know yourself that rescue is possible, it might just take some time and perseverence (sp?).

I'm always here if you ever want to talk,
Stay strong and take care
Charli <3


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Re: Hmm. - March 28th 2011, 05:09 PM

Lynds,
I'm so sorry to hear you're in such a position.
I guess, sometimes, all of us feel the need to hold on to something because it's what we've known. It's like a bad habit. And it takes time to break. But it can be broken. It's not impossible. The only thing that's important there is that you're willing to do what it takes to break it. If it's taking you time, that's okay. Everything takes time. Time is a healer. In many ways.
I may not know how hard it is for you and what you're facing, but I do know that you are strong. You've been such an inspiration to me, and I think you should know that!

When things happen and we get into habits and addictions, the reason that first led us to it may get lost, and why we continue to do it may not seem so clear in our minds. If you don't mind me suggesting: writing down how you feel everyday, and everytime you feel like SHing, bring out things that you may not have thought would come out. Every other day, if you review it, it could help you find the crux of the problem so you can understand the cause and free yourself from that. When the cause of it is known, then you can work on healing that. When that is healed, then you won't feel the need to SH anymore. I tried that with my depression after someone suggested it to me, and I was pleasantly surprised at how well it worked.


Sometimes, like you said, people become suicidal. If you feel that you are becoming suicidal, and it's causing you to OD on the nyquil, then remove the source. Take it away from your sight and mind. If you require it at any point, get someone to give it to you.


Darling, you're beautiful and strong and such a lovely person, and I hope you feel better soon because you absolutely deserve to! If you ever need to talk, you know I'm right here, and I'll always be here for you!
<3


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  (#6 (permalink)) Old
SparklingWine Offline
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Re: Hmm. - March 28th 2011, 06:28 PM

Thank you so much for all your responses.
They mean a lot to me.

I think right now, I am just going to see how counseling is.
It's just so frustrating for me, being triggered all the time.
Everything is a trigger.


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Re: Hmm. - March 29th 2011, 01:24 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Glitter View Post
I'm going to try to keep this short and to the point.

So, i have an issue with Self Harm. Cutting is a problem for me.
I want to get better, but I don't at the same time because this is a comfort for me.
I've seen the alternative thread. But here is where is gets tricky- I'm always triggered.
I mean, I can't be doing an alternative 24/7. Where do I draw the line?

Today someone told me that they think that I am comfortable in my depression and am attention seeking and don't actually want to get better. It got me thinking- They might be right. I might not be ready for the help. But at the same time, I did make a counseling appt. and I go to the ER. I don't want attention though. That isn't my main motive in this.

Another part of me doesn't know how to explain what's wrong. Or why I SH in the first place. Maybe nothing is wrong. Maybe I just think there is. Then I look back at it and think of all the shit I go through and all the things that I haven't dealt with in life. I'm just at a loss of knowing what to do.

The long I go through this, the more suicidal I become. It's ridiculous. I never used to be suicidal. I used to love life and never wanted it to end. Now I OD on nyquil and hope I don't wake up. Great thoughts. What scares me the most is being curious about how far my I can go until I reach my limit. We all have them..

So. Feed back or thoughts would be appreciated.

I can understand how you feel glitter...i can understand about wanting to get better ..but not wanting to because its like a safety net..

Well...whoever told you that isnt a freind at all..i also dont think cutting or any form of self harm is for attention....

I am also like you in a way..im really not good at expressing my emotions..lets just say im pretty bad at it...

if you ever need anything..dont be afriad to PM me okay...

hope this helps
Drew
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Re: Hmm. - March 29th 2011, 02:45 PM

Hey Linds,

Going back and forth between wanting help and not wanting it is normal when dealing with something like this. Giving up a maladaptive behavior is difficult because to an extent it is adaptive, but just as you said you can't use alternatives 24/7, you can't self-harm that often either.
The person who said that was not helpful, but maybe they just don't understand. For the record, I don't think you're doing it for attention, and if any self harmers do it for that, they're in the minority. That person was wrong, or at least mostly wrong. I think it's possible that part of you is comfortable at least with the self harm because that's kind of how it works being somewhat adaptive.
If you're feeling this way something is wrong, end of story and you'll need help to deal with it. I'm proud of you for making the counseling appt. and for going to the ER when necessary. The key to stopping self harm is to figure out the underlying reason behind it. If you don't know, that's ok, part of counseling will be helping you figure that out.
Once you find the reasons and start dealing with them in a healthy way, you'll stop wanting to hurt yourself. There will be times that counseling doesn't feel like it's helping, but that's just part of it sometimes, be patient with yourself, you can get through this.

PM me anytime.


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Re: Hmm. - March 30th 2011, 02:23 AM

Hey dear<3 I'm not gonna write everything I feel and want to say. Because everyone above has said all of that. Grr them for beating me to it:P lol. I love you hun so very much. And you have helped me a lot lately. We have had so many conversations guiding the other through rough situations. You are so amazing and I want you to get better soon. Go through with the counseling appointment. That's an amazing first step toward the process of recovery.

Lovely, I care very much about you. Your life is worth living. Your life is worth not giving up on. I'm always here for you Lynds<333 xxxxx
   
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Re: Hmm. - March 30th 2011, 03:42 PM

Yes, go with counseling and see how it goes. Just don't resist change. It'll help in the long run.

Honey, hang in there, okay? We're hear for you. (: I know it's hard when things are so unclear in your head and heart. Just stay strong, darling. Pm me anytime you want to talk kay? <


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In a world that she can't rise above.
But her dreams give her wings and she flies to a place where she's loved.

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Racing with the eagle, soaring with the wind.
Flying? There were times I believed I could."




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  (#11 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Hmm. - March 30th 2011, 09:22 PM

Lyndsee, honestly, I don't really know what to say to you, but I wanted to reply.
I'm really proud of you for doing what you can do get the help. I know it's not easy to admit to a stranger that you self harm and ask for help, especially in hospitals because sometimes doctors and nurses can take it badly and can feel like there's no point in treating you if you want to be hurt, you know? But just the fact that you went to the hospital and you let them help you shows how strong you really are. And you are strong enough to get through this.
Think about what YOU think would help you to get better and then try to apply that to your life and talk to your counsellor about it. At the end of the day, if people are trying to help and it's not actually helping, how is it ever going to get any better? But at the same time, if you're not ready to get better and get the help, then it won't change anything either because you need to be able to co-operate and let them help you.
Maybe it's not so much that you don't want help as much as, like you said, you're comfortable this way. Maybe not happy, but it's something you're kind of used to and change is scary. And getting help means opening up, letting people in and see you at your weakest and losing the things you need to cope. Tearing down those walls can be really hard and that's probably one of the biggest steps. But you can do it, Lyndsee. There are so many people here on TH who are more than willing to support you and let you lean on them. We're not going to let you fall.
It's not going to be easy but it is worth it. And you will get through it.
I'm always here if you need to talk, I'm only a PM away.
Take care of yourself, chica. We're all here for you. <3


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Re: Hmm. - March 31st 2011, 05:40 AM

So, I went to the counselor today.
I got hooked with my old counselor.
Problem is, she is taking vacation next week, so I have to wait 15 days to see her.
Idk if I can hold off that long.

Thanks so much for the replies. <3


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Re: Hmm. - March 31st 2011, 07:14 AM

Hmmmm. You can to the right place. I really dont know what to say. Why are you triggered 24/7?

If you want help/a friend/someone to talk to just email me at alexshort154@yahoo.com


~Alex

Last day I cut: 7-13-2010

I believe in everyone that I help that they will get over whatever they are struggling with.

I regret nothing in my past. My past made me who I am today.

There is freedom from self harm feel free to email me anytime if you wanna chat at:
alexshort154@yahoo.com


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