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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Heathen Offline
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Why did you stop? - March 31st 2011, 11:59 PM

I've been a serious self-injurer for almost six years now. Self injury has proven to be a huge obstacle between me and reaching my long term goals; it's resulted in numerous hospitalizations and lots of setbacks. I recently had two hospitalizations in quick succession and am currently participating in an intensive outpatient program. If I can't stop with the IOP, I'm facing residential treatment for the third time in my life. I'm simply running out of options to deal with this problem.

I'm trying to put my life back together and am realizing I no longer have the luxury of just falling to pieces; the consequences are becoming too grave. Eventually, if I don't stop, it will cost me my life. However, despite trying to put myself together again, I am having a really hard time staying away from self injuring. It makes my skin crawl not to do it. I'm terrified I'm going to screw up my big chance at making a life for myself by self injuring too much and having to go to residential. Hell, I'm terrified I may never be able to stop.

So I am desperately trying to find a reason to stop. I know we all must find our own reasons, but I was wondering: why did you stop? What made you finally want to kick the habit? What force was powerful enough to change the way you though about yourself and self injury?



The moon asked the crow
For a little show
In the hazy milk of twilight
No one had to know
The moon asked the crow...
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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
*CatchingStars* Offline
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Re: Why did you stop? - April 1st 2011, 12:07 AM

reason show urself u can do this reason two u are worth the time and effot and three it may not be easy but show urself ur strong enough i quit and i did sh for 5yrs and its not easy i still have my slip ups so ever need to talk pm me anytime and i stopped to show myself im better than i thingk i am so pm me dont hesatate alright




Life is too

Short to spend

It at war with

Yourself.

I’m catching stars in the sky because I am fixing the soul within me. May it be from the heart a girl broke years ago or my soul simply repairing itself as it was shattered on my walk on this earth. May the stardust fill those cracks within my soul making me brand new, but never forgetting who I once was.


   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Why did you stop? - April 1st 2011, 12:28 AM

I met my future husband. Simple as that.

NEVER IN MY LIFE, would I have EVER imagined I'd find someone to date, let alone marry, in less than two weeks... But it happened, and I'm not sure how. We just knew we were going to marry each other. And I knew I had some secrets I had to tell him. The biggest secret was that I cut.

Ironically enough, the night before I decided to tell him, he was feeling up my leg and felt a band-aid. He was like, "Oh, did you cut yourself?" and I was like, "yeah..." He had no idea then.

But the next night, I sat down with him and told him. He seemed to take it relatively well, and asked me a few questions about it. He told me he didn't want me to hurt like that anymore. And he told me he understood my reasons for it. And he told me he wanted to be my escape from then on; I could turn to him instead of cutting.

A couple nights later, he asked to see the scars. This was the real turning point. I didn't show him right away because I was scared and ashamed, but when I finally did, I was shocked to discover his cheeks were wet... He was crying. He just kept repeating, "My poor baby, I'm so sorry... I'm so sorry..." We sat there, hugging each other, with him crying. I NEVER would have imagined seeing my scars could produce such an effect on someone. And it was very painful to see him so upset, especially when it was my fault.

So, yeah. That's when I realized, I wasn't just hurting myself anymore, I was hurting him as well. And I was hurting our future relationship. And I was hurting the only good thing in my life. He's the reason I've been trying my very hardest to stop cutting. (Three weeks free, so far!)


How far do I have to go to make you understand?
I wanna make this work so much it hurts...
But I just can't keep on giving, go on living with the way things are.
So I'm gonna walk away, and it's up to you to say how far...
   
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  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Why did you stop? - April 1st 2011, 01:23 AM

My biggest reason for quitting (well, working on it again after a slip-up) is very similar to Sleepwalker's.

I used to self-harm, a lot. I was also in a relationship before with this one fellow I had mentioned before, Jason. He caused me a lot of problems overtime, and my self-harm had become worse and worse. It was fairly extensive, and on a (pretty much) daily basis.

Around the same time, I had also become friends with this one fellow, Griffyn. We ended up hanging out a lot. It ended up being pretty much every day. He ended up finding out that I cut myself, I forget exactly how. I probably rolled up my sleeves for some reason. I tend to roll up my sleeves without thinking about it sometimes, if I'm comfortable around the person. I don't even remember exactly how he reacted, he only saw a few of them though. I do know he was concerned. I do know he didn't want me to do it any more. But he was also quite understanding.

Griffyn and I ended up dating, and still are. We're soul mates, no doubt. Shortly after we started dating, I was honest with him about ALL my self-harm. I showed him all my scars, and he looked at me, eyes watered, and held me close. He said things like... How I wouldn't have to hurt anymore because he'd never hurt me, pretty much. He said he didn't want me to hurt myself anymore, and that it hurt him. Stuff like that, loving things. Meaningful things. That day was when I had quit.

I pretty much quit for Griffyn. I've had a slip-up, but I had gone over 3 1/2 months without self-harming. I'm dusting myself off from my slip-up, and working on quitting self-harm again. Seeing how sad Griffyn was when I slipped up, it hurt. I wouldn't be able to quit for myself, honestly, as bad as it may sound. However, Griffyn means the world to me. He's pretty much become my family, and I don't like hurting him, at all.


Dare to be Different, to be Weird, to be a Freak.
Overall, Dare to be yourself.

Stamp Out Prejudice Hatred and Intolerance Everywhere
The Sophie Lancaster Foundation



   
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Why did you stop? - April 1st 2011, 02:10 PM

Honestly?? I was forced to. Like the last two answers I told the person I was in a relationship, but he wasn't very supportive, although to be fair he might have thought he was trying to help me.
He told me that my cutting made me unattractive and he didn't want to be with someone like that. He told me that if I didn't stop he would tell my parents, my friends, our teachers. He said that I could choose between him or the relationship, and it wasn't til I came to my senses and realised that I was actually considering choosing cutting over being in a relationship that it really was time to stop.


Honey, you're familiar, like my mirror, years ago
.....
I slithered here from Eden just to sit outside your door
...
...
Níl a shíltear mar a bhítear.
Things are not always what they seem.
   
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Re: Why did you stop? - April 1st 2011, 11:08 PM

the reason that i stopped was because of my friend. It was making them really upset and making them worry about me. So i stopped for him.


We do not fear death, we fear that no one will notice our absence. That we will disappear without a trace.
   
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Hiraeth Offline
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Re: Why did you stop? - April 2nd 2011, 07:23 PM

Hey there,

Some form of external intervention or contact seems to characterize the vast majority of successful recoveries. We don't stop for ourselves, but for others, particularly those who are dear to our hearts. This is great, and everyone who has had this opportunity is extremely fortunate - but not everyone does. We shouldn't become dependent on external factors - we can easily fall into the trap of believing that there is no other way out until a hand reaches in to pull us out, which is incredibly unfortunate. There are many many approaches, and all of them can be equally effective, if done so skillfully.

I am a boundary walker of sorts. My initial motivation was attributed to external factors as most others, but I was aware from the beginning that such a state would not be sustainable - confirmed by experience, too - and gradually shifted towards a more and more internally-based approach. Sometimes I like to think of it as, a universally-based approach. If I allow destructive energy to perpetuate in myself, that cannot be contained within myself - my thoughts, actions, and state of being affects everything and everyone around me, and they affect everything and everyone around them - everything is interconnected in unseen ways. It's not something that will hurt just one, but all. I can look to the blue sky, hope for the continuity of its admirable tranquility, and be motivated to treat myself well.

Peace and compassion,
Kaisada


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