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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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My friends cut (If you cut, please give me advice) - April 9th 2011, 03:51 AM

So, lately I've been finding out, one by one, that some of my friends have been cutting (habitually, or once in a while, or otherwise). None of them have straight up told me. I always find out because another of friends told me they have, or because I see the scars when their sleeves slip up. I've been thinking of making them friendship bracelets. My question is this: Would this be appropriate, since they haven't told me in words? My friend Shelby, in particular, is why I want to do this. We were sitting together in the hallway before class started and her sleeve had slipped up. I saw her scars, and she saw me looking at them, and we met eyes, and she rolled up her sleeves, but we didn't say anything. I didn't know what to say, I wanted to tell her how I love her very much, but I couldn't say anything. I thought this would be a good way to say it.

If that's too long, here's a short version: My friends cut, and they aren't comfortable actually telling me in person, but they don't take great pains to keep me from knowing. Would it be okay for me to make them friendship bracelets? Do you think it would help?

If you cut, these questions are for you: Would you like it if your friend made you a bracelet to wear on your cutting wrist? Would you wear it? Would you think it was nosy? Would you like it better or worse if it was red?
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: My friends cut (If you cut, please give me advice) - April 9th 2011, 05:31 AM

I personally think its a very sweet gesture and just has the right amount of respect to it. You don't even have to explain why you are giving them the bracelets. I think they might gather on their own. Personally I would really appreciate it if someone gave me a friendship bracelet to show their support. It would make me very happy. I say do it!



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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: My friends cut (If you cut, please give me advice) - April 9th 2011, 05:47 AM

I don't cut anymore, but I used to; and if, at the time my mate gave me a friendship bracelet I would feel happier then I was and know that at least she cares enough to make me one. I think you should do it, it might actually make them feel happier! (:



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Re: My friends cut (If you cut, please give me advice) - April 9th 2011, 06:36 AM

Hey there.

I know from experience how hard it is to find out that your friends are hurting themselves, and how frustrating it is to feel like you can't help them. What they probably need right now is quiet support, maybe advice now and then, and just to know that you're there for them.

I personally think the friendship bracelets are a great idea. Even giving it to friends who don't self harm is bound to be a confidence booster, and affirmation of your friendship. I'm sure they'll appreciate it.

If any of my friends had made me a bracelet when I was self harming, I would have worn it. I would have thought it was sweet. Colour wouldn't have made a difference.

What I may have liked better than that, though, is honesty. Perhaps the best way you can help is let them know that you're aware something's wrong. While the bracelets is a great idea - and I say go for it - your friends may also appreciate upfront support, and someone they can talk to about what's really going on. Just a thought.

I won't tell you what you should do, because obviously you know your friends better than I do, but I just wanted to add that I think it's lovely you care about your friends so much. They're lucky to have you.

Good luck.


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Re: My friends cut (If you cut, please give me advice) - April 9th 2011, 07:20 AM

Hey-

I would say go for it. If you have/are self harming, chances are you need to know someone cares about you and loves you. Even if they don't actually wear it, I'm sure it would mean a lot to them. =)

I was in the same situation with some of my friends, but I was the one who cut, and they never fully acknowledged it, and looking back, it would have helped if they had.

I'm sure any color you use they'll appreciate. You should look up about the significance of the color orange and self harm, because orange tends to represent it for some reason.

Good luck! It's nice to see some people still do care about their friends. =)
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Re: My friends cut (If you cut, please give me advice) - April 9th 2011, 08:02 AM

I am an ex self harmer, i feel you should use their fave colour or orange tbh. Are your friends the sort to ask for advice such as do they ask or tell u anything that isbothering them. I preferred it when my friend took me to one side and asked me if everythin was ok, and if i needed to talk they would listen. Hope this helps


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Re: My friends cut (If you cut, please give me advice) - April 9th 2011, 03:09 PM

Thanks for your advice, everyone. I just didnt want it to backfire in some unforseen way. <3
   
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Re: My friends cut (If you cut, please give me advice) - April 9th 2011, 11:46 PM

I think it's a great idea.
And to answer your question, I would've loved for someone to give me a friendship bracelet. I might say in some part of every self-harmer they'd like to know that someone was at least thinking about them, so I say go for it(:
   
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Re: My friends cut (If you cut, please give me advice) - April 10th 2011, 04:57 PM

I think that is a wonderful idea, you're a great friend.
Personally, I'd love it if my friend made me a bracelet to wear on my cutting wrist, it would remind me that I'm loved and I'd wear it every single day. Any colour will work well, but orange is the colour associated with self harm recovery, just letting you know

You're a truly wonderful person and your friends are so, so lucky to have you in their lives!


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Re: My friends cut (If you cut, please give me advice) - April 10th 2011, 05:07 PM

a nice idea but more personal if you did it in their fave colours... maybe give it with a letter/card telling them you love them very muchly and want to support them... make each one different so they feel more special and include pictures of things they love...


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Re: My friends cut (If you cut, please give me advice) - April 10th 2011, 08:11 PM

Hi there i think thats a really nice idea and shows how much you care. I self harm and would feel happy if my friendmade such a kind jesture and would be happy to wear it. The only thing however is red may trigger me to want to cut sometimes so maybe try another colour that they like


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Re: My friends cut (If you cut, please give me advice) - April 10th 2011, 09:35 PM

My friend did do this... for my birthday. Its a piece of orange (SI awareness color) fabric wrapped around my wrist. It says, "I love you," on it. I love it and wear it constantly.


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Re: My friends cut (If you cut, please give me advice) - April 10th 2011, 09:40 PM

I use to cut. i did it for a bout five years. what it does is it releases enorphines and that just makes you "feel better" but i have finally gotten out of the cutting. the only thing that got me out of it was my friends that were there for me. dont judge them or show anger at them. i had one friend in particular that got me to stop. she was always there for me and she made it clear to me that when ever i wanted to cut, no matter what time it was, that i could call her. and thats pretty much what helped me the most is knowing i had that suport. i was sent to the hospital but that didnt help me. but just feeling the love and compassion from that friend helped me. when i started to realize that when i cut not only hurt me but hurt her and my friends and my family it made me start thinking a lot more. i still struggle from time to time when things get really bad. but its not an everyday thing like it use to be. so the best advice i can give yu is just show love to your friends and show them that you care. make it clear that they can call you when ever they need to. but a suportive friend. but dont push them. my parents pushed me and it made thigns worse for me. and dont think any different of them for it either. because if you do its kinda like your saying the cutting is who they are kinda. i hope this helps!
   
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Re: My friends cut (If you cut, please give me advice) - April 10th 2011, 10:58 PM

Having that unspoken support is what a lot of SHers wish they had at some point. I think it's an amazing idea, and I wish my friends did that for me. That might be the one thing that lets them know that you are there. It might be the one gesture that will separate just saying that you care and actually meaning it.


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Re: My friends cut (If you cut, please give me advice) - April 12th 2011, 07:21 AM

That is a wonderful idea your a great friend. I have struggled so much with cutting, and a friendship bracelet would have been a perfect gesture, with just the right balance of respect and careing. Personaly, i wouldnt want them to be red. I feel like blue or green or pink would show the same love without reminding so much of the pain of cutting.
   
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Re: My friends cut (If you cut, please give me advice) - April 12th 2011, 01:40 PM

i cut and my friend made me this like cardboard backed scarp book type thing ewith pictures and song lyrics an dthings. it was amazing and i love it <3 it really helped . i think making them friendship bracelts is a really nice geture andi would like it. the red makes it symbolic too. but mabye u should like ask them about it. not like confront but say how did that happen or soemthing xx


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Re: My friends cut (If you cut, please give me advice) - April 16th 2011, 09:23 PM

Hey there, I know I'm super late at responding, but if you still are looking for advice.....

Making them friendship bracelets would be a nice way to show them how much you care and love them. With the red, I think there should be some in it, but it shouldn't be entirely red, or it might be like you're focusing directly on their cutting, as opposed to your friendships and such. That's just my opinion And I agree that you should try and confront them about it. It might help.


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Re: My friends cut (If you cut, please give me advice) - April 16th 2011, 10:08 PM

Personally I think it's a wonderful idea, its a great way to show how much you care


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