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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Aureate Offline
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First time I've self harmed in 2yrs. - April 9th 2011, 02:47 PM

I thought I'd kicked the habit, I guess not. I don't even feel disappointed in myself, hell I'm starting to lose whatever it was that made me want to stop in the first place.

I didn't do that much, but it took so much self control to stop once I'd just started, and I don't even know why I did put it down, because seriously why stop. I have so many scars all over me, some of them 2/3yrs old and they are never, ever going to go away, unless I get plastic surgery or something. I've put bio-oil and other things on them, but the simple fact is I went too deep for them to fade over time. You can feel the bumps of them through clothing.

So why stop now? Why should I not do it. I don't even know anymore. All the inconveniences which come with it all seem worth it for the benefits. I need a reason not to do this but I'm having trouble finding one.

Can anyone give me something to grasp onto for this?

td:lr I self harmed for the first time in a while, and can't think of a reason to stop. Anyone got any input?

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Last edited by Palmolive; April 9th 2011 at 03:50 PM. Reason: Removing prefix
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Re: First time I've self harmed in 2yrs. - April 9th 2011, 06:44 PM

hey.. i've kindof had a similar experience, i was self harm free for about 2 years as well and i considered it a part of my past. but then something happened and i went to cutting. and now its hard as hell to stop and sometimes, i dont even want to stop.

the reason i'm trying to stop, is that it doesnt just hurt me, it hurts other people. and summer is coming, and im trying to clear up some of these cuts..

continue to be strong. (: you are not alone!
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Re: First time I've self harmed in 2yrs. - April 9th 2011, 11:51 PM

I'm in the same boat, except that it was 4 years for me. It's been a whole year since I started again, and I've only wanted to stop within the month.

The thing that I hold on to that keeps me from doing it is a mantra. I repeat it to myself whenever I have an urge and most of the time it works. It's my reason for quitting and what keeps me going. I don't want to rely on cutting anymore. It's a shameful addiction. I don't want to be afraid of someone seeing my body.

This is what I say to myself: I am stronger than this blade. This blade is made of metal. It does not live. I live. This blade doesn't need me, so I do not need it.

I just repeat it over an over again until the urge fades. The soul behind my determination to not cut is the fact that if I give up, I'll be disappointed in myself. "It's knowing you can give up, that keeps you holding on."

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Re: First time I've self harmed in 2yrs. - April 10th 2011, 09:13 AM

Hey there.

I know I can't completely understand, since obviously I'm not in your exact position, but I do have some idea of what it's like to think you've stopped, only to have the habit creep back up on you. At first it feels good, even, like you've stopped fighting and the way ahead is clear, like nothing matters now that you have that one thing back. That's how it feels now, right? It won't last.

Think about the guilt, the shame, the confusion that will follow. Deep down, you know hurting yourself is wrong. You know it won't fix things, that you shouldn't do it, and that you'll be better off without it. You know that, but you're doubting it, and that's actually quite normal. Having relied on self harm as a coping mechanism, letting it go is bound to be hard. But sometimes the best things in life are the ones you have to fight for, the ones that test you and challenge you and that you have to rise above, and I think this is one of those.

Finding reasons to stop can be tricky, I'll admit. And I know the fact that some scars don't fade cant be disheartening, but isn't it better to just live with those than add to them? There are plenty of reasons to stop. And the fact you posted this thread shows you're at least willing to consider those. For example, there's: the fact you probably don't want to be in this cycle your whoe life, the knowledge that you're worth more than this, the people other than yourself that this would be hurting, the fact doing damage to your body isn't the best way to handle emotions, and the certainty that working through this will make you a stronger person. Just to name a few.

I really hope you start feeling better soon.

Good luck!

throw yourself into the unknown
with pace & a fury defiant.

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