Trying to Get Help?

[Tonight]

I'm so confused on what to do,I've been wanting to cut for quite awhile now (I'm quite surprised I haven't so far) even though I've almost gone a year SH free,but it's getting too hard to not cut.
My mom found out almost 2 years ago and didn't talk to me for days and then eventually said she was going to get me help but never did and we never talked about it after that,she would just randomly ask me to undress for her so she could see if I cut anywhere which made me really uncomfortable and gave me panic attacks (I've been dealing with sexual abuse).So now I'm afraid to talk to her about it incase she gets angry or wants me to undress infront of her again and I have social anxiety and can't talk on the phone.

I would ask my ex-boyfriend or my best friend to call but I have no idea where to even start or how to pay for it.I live in Canada so health care is free but because of stuff in my past I get really anxious and "shut down" when I have to talk to psychiatrists or psychologists,which only leaves psychotherapy and that costs money.Doesn anyone have any ideas on what I can do?

[Concrete Angel]

Hi,

First of all, congratulations on going SH free for a year, you should really be proud of yourself!
I would like to go through a thread, which are the Alternatives to SelfHarm: http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f12-s...ves-self-harm/

It will be a good way to start when you get urges to SH again. Urges are hard to fight, but if you are determined, you can stop. Don't feel like it is impossible. Take each day as it comes.

I would suggest talking to your mother about how you feel about her making you undress in front of her. She needs to know that she's making you uncomfortable and scared. She's your mother and will understand what you have been through. You should constantly update her on how you are feeling. She needs to know, because she is only concerned about you and you can't blame her for that.

I would also suggest talking to a close friend or someone you trust about it. They can help you through it. Throw away all the temptation, i.e., the blades or anything you use to cut yourself or hurt yourself. Ask you friend/boyfriend to keep an eye on you. And constantly talk to them about how you're feeling so that they will be able to understand what you are going through.

Finally, I would suggest taking time off for yourself and doing whatever you think is fun, exiting, or relaxing. Run yourself a hot bath, let yourself lay back for a while, and do things that make you happy. A happy person is a person free from SH.

Take care of yourself! <3