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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Tirevo92 Offline
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Unhappy Friends.... - March 6th 2009, 01:28 AM

So yeah. [im kinda new when it comes to starting threads ^^;]
but anyway.

You got those friends who have NO CLUE you SI. Like, none at all. They'd be totally shocked if they ever found out. Then you have those you know, obviously your close friends, who are nice enough to keep their mouths shut.

THE POINT:
This happens to me so much that its really starting to bug me. Im in the "goody-two-shoes" crowd so no one ever does anything stupid, but we joke about it all the time. I swear almost every week some dumb friend of mine will get an accidently scratch or cut on their arm or hand or something, then someone will joke about how their turning 'emo' or a 'cutter'. Everyone else laughs cause they believe none of us would do that and the ones that know i SI still laugh. So what choice do i have but to laugh too? Its not funny to me, i know what thats like and just...UGH!

has this ever happened to anyone else? you have to sit back and pretend that cutters are stupid and just want attention? D<

i just wanna stick up for myself and others and be like "thats really not funny! some people actually have that problem"! but at the same time.. .i dont want to arouse suspicion on me, cause most of the people i know probably wouldn't talk to me anymore if they find out what i do to myself.


any suggestions? related stories?
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Friends.... - March 6th 2009, 01:49 AM

I think we all have friends that we'd rather not tell.
You could caually mention somthing, have you heard of To Write Love On Her Arms? Maybe if you got your friends involved they would be better informed, and you'd feel more comfortable?
That's how I went about it.
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Friends.... - March 6th 2009, 02:50 AM

I know I have friends that have no idea that I SI and I have some that doe. But the ones who do are few and they are kind enough to keep it to them selves. I hear "emo" or "cutter" jokes all the time in my leadership class and it bugs me but i choose to ignore it.






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  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Friends.... - March 6th 2009, 02:56 AM

None of my friends know I self harm. They'd be shocked if they found out and I just don't want to tell them. At school there are several people who like making jokes about 'emos' and 'cutters' and even about suicide. It's really frustrating because I'm never in a position where I can tell the person that it's not funny.
If you really want to, you should definitely say something. Yes, it will probably bring some attention if you've laughed about it before in the past but you could then maybe bring up TWLOHA or something else, like Lilly mentioned above and share what happens there. You don't need to bring up your SI if you aren't comfortable enough. Just having the close people there in your life can mean the most.


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  (#5 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Friends.... - March 6th 2009, 03:11 AM

I never had that problem I was on the other end of the spectrum the 'goth' 'punk' 'emo' chick that didn't cut myself. But I think there's a point where friends don't want to tell other friends things because they're afraid that if they do that they won't be accepted, and truthfully if your not accepted by the people who you call 'friends' then they're not really the type of people you should be hanging out with, you need people who will stand behind you.


You can't live a positive life with a negative mind and if you have a positive outcome you have a positive income and just to have more positivity and just to kind of laugh it off. ~ Miley Cyrus




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  (#6 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Friends.... - March 6th 2009, 08:42 AM

yeah, this has happened to me. In fact, one day when we were discussing such things, a girl who i've been friends with since i was 10 spoke up and said:

" I'm not friends with anybody like that, and I don't want to be. It's not normal, those kind of kids are dangerously screwed up. "

well, it cut me to the core. And the one friend who does know (and mind you she only knows because I lived with her for 7 months) just laughed along with everyone else and then turned to me for a fraction of a second with a minimal amount of sympathy in her eyes, and then turned back and continued laughing along...

I guess there wasn't much point to me telling you that... but to say that you aren't alone. I know exactly how it feels. if you ever want to talk about it, I'm here.


I will never be good enough for them
and it kills me every day
   
  (#7 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Friends.... - March 6th 2009, 10:59 AM

Hey, i'm sorry you're having to deal with that with your friends. It can be really difficult when people don't know.. and therefore they make stupid comments. Very often people don't think about how their comments could make people feel.

I have had similar experiences, except at the time i'm pretty sure the people who were making the comments were aware that i self harmed. They would make comments such as "thats so emo" or "people who do that must be messed up." I just tried to ignore it for ages, and even laughed along with some of it, as not to make people think i was one of those people who did self harm, even though i'm pretty sure they knew. But after a while i got so angry about it i just said something along the lines of, "you have no idea about self harm, so what makes you think you can comment on it?" From then on those people who i said it to were a little less obnoxious about it and some of them even apologised because they thought it was just a "joke" and they didn't think i'd care.


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  (#8 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Friends.... - March 6th 2009, 05:15 PM

Heu honey!!! I also have this problem...and like you this is really starting to bug me. ALthough some of my closest friends know I have 'issues', I don't think they would ever guess that I SH... I too am in the goody too shoes geek group and we simply don't do things like that. I actually know some of my friends have before, but they have real issues that people can see (ill parents etc.) so people are more worried about them (namely teachers) whereas me...well thats another story. OK, so now some teachers know I've being having a few problems, but they would NEVER know I have/do SH...they just wouldn't expect. And although I obviously don't want them to know, coz of the havoc and chaos that would cause. I some times just wish everuyone would see...
I remeber one week I almost (i wouldn't but i wanted to) rolled up my sleeve shouting, see this is what you've done to me and then run away...But I won't do that. ... But, well, maybe you get it. I am NOT attention seeking, I get loads of attention coz I'm loud and bubbly by nature, but I just want people to see me deeper and understand that I can have BAD emotions too.
People always think that 'cutters' are 'attention seeking emos'.
I remember once, when I was like 14 and would NEVER have SHed, we were doing it in english (don't know why) and our teacher was like why do people do it and EVERYONE thought it was attention, and only I said it was (I know this is a generalistation...but at least its more fair) to gain control over some part ofn your life and make it so that emotional pain is replaced by physical pain. Does anyone else get this???
PM me if you want!! xxx
   
  (#9 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Friends.... - March 6th 2009, 08:42 PM

I've had/got this problem.

A lot of people I know at college take the mickey out of it all the time in front of me and it really annoyed me. I hate how people can be so thoughtless, it just makes me wonder what they'd think of me if they knew about it.

When they said that I was like "How do you think that person feels, just like you smoke a spliff when you're stressed, someone cuts themselves. It's their way of coping with life" and they usually stop talking about it after that.

x
   
  (#10 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Friends.... - March 6th 2009, 09:12 PM

I've had this happen numerous times to me. I often hear jokes about it... and usually I just ignore them.

The other day during play practice someone made a joke about it. One girl was wearing a shirt with the holes already in the sleeves (she bought it that way) and goes "I always wondered what these were for" and a guy goes "to cover the cuts" and starts laughing.... and then later one of the directors went up to him and told him not to laugh at those kinds of things.

You can always casually mention that you knew/know someone like that and it's really not all that funny.


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  (#11 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Friends.... - March 6th 2009, 09:40 PM

Hey, so I'm different because I was one of those friends, the ones that have no idea. My friends are the "goody-two shoes" too and it just never really occurred to me. But then one of my best friends told me she cut herself and I was absolutely shocked. I definitely didn't handle the situation well when I found out, shock looks different for everyone. But, two years later, I'm glad she told me. It took me about a week to get over the shock (probably longer). But I'm glad she told me. I mean sure, I worry about her still but I think, in the long run, she was glad she told me too. We're still best friends. Hope this helps. PM me anytime!

-Molly
   
  (#12 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Friends.... - March 6th 2009, 09:42 PM

woah thats a lot of replies. thanks people! <3

and we'll see if i can get a reply to all of them i did read them all though!

@LillyImp- you know, that was a really good idea, but i've already tried that... On facebook they have all these assigned days where you express TWLOHA by literally writing love on their arms. I think my friends were more amussed with writing on their arms and didn't really get the point.

@Tecatholic- well im glad that worked for you :] but really. im a really impatient person with a quick temper. so... i think i've ignored it for long enough

@elstarr05- i dont know. i dont really have the courage to do something like that. One day though, it might just tick me off so much that i do!

@irish_eyes- in a way i get what you're saying. But i couldn't do that. even though they don't like it and probably wouldn't talk to me again, they are still my friends, and i dont know what i would do without them. There no one i know that really gets what i do. If i dump them because they dont understand me then i'm left with no friends, and i dont want that. :[

@Charlie_Charlie- awwwww <3 im sorry. that has to be so frusterating! why would they do that when you're right there? there was a point in telling me that. idk but it made me feel...better? i guess? that sounds bad i mean, i dont feel so by myself with this frusteration. i've had a friend who knows do something sort of similar.

@xxEllexx- well you certainly have more guts than me :] we'll see what happens the next time they bring it up!

@innocentlyangelic- omg! i can sooooo relate to that whole wanting to just roll up my sleeves and shout "well look at me!!!" but theres a problem with that :[ cause my friends that know dont know i've started up again and the friends that dont know... would be like WTF 0.0

@UselessSecret- huh. thats all it took? well... we'll see


there that took forever! but i got everyone!!!!
   
  (#13 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Friends.... - March 6th 2009, 10:00 PM

ahhhh! more comments!

thanks guys! i really sounds like im not alone in this :]
you guys are all supportive and have some good ideas! and i plan on testing them out the next time someone doesnt that

THANKS AGAIN!!!! <3333
   
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Re: Friends.... - March 6th 2009, 10:08 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by hockeygirl0808 View Post
@UselessSecret- huh. thats all it took? well... we'll see

Well it stopped them from talking about it for the rest of the day, they were quite shocked that I didnt follow the crowd and make a joke about it.
Though they haven't talked about it much since I had to do a presentation about self harm and the message seemed to get in somewhere.
   
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Re: Friends.... - March 6th 2009, 10:18 PM

I'm totally in the same boat. It absolutely drive me nuts when people joke about SH and cutting etc. In my case of my friends who live here almost nobody knows and the ones that know only know I've done it not that I still do and not how often.

I try to ignore it most of the time and just let it pass. But just like you guys at times I just want to snap because they have no idea what its like. Nobody would ever suspect I do it either and some days I just want to show them and make them understand..I react differently when I'm around different people depending on my mood and such. But ya i kinda snapped on my cousin when she was texting me one day because shes like oh stay away from the razors. i just kinda told her not to joke about stuff like that because i know people who do it and ya...


ps: sorry for the long rambling! There wasn't much help in this one sorry
   
  (#16 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Friends.... - March 6th 2009, 10:35 PM

no no no! i like stories that! :] really, im not lying or nothing. it just makes me feel better [which sounds horrible i know] but, idk. I just feel like i can relate to someone and perhaps maybe we can talk about our stupid friend problems in the future?
   
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Re: Friends.... - March 6th 2009, 10:44 PM

no I know what ya mean. Its nice when people can relate..just knowing its not just you helps sometimes

for sure.
   
  (#18 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Friends.... - March 6th 2009, 11:45 PM

I can actually really relate to what you are saying. The people I used to hang out with
(when I wasn't a friendless loser )
joked about that kind of stuff all the time. Even my friend who had self harmed before and even tried to kill herself would laugh about self harm. I'm not sure why people do this, and it really is annoying. And, I know it's tough but it's one of those things that you kind of just have to decide not to let bug you so much. Everyone has their own sense of humor, and although we might not think it's funny at all, I guess some people do. I'm sure your friends don't mean anything personal against people who self harm. It's just something they don't understand the seriousness of, so they chose to joke around about it. But I wouldn't let it hurt you to much, because like I said, it's more than likely nothing aimed to hurt people who Self injure.





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Re: Friends.... - March 8th 2009, 03:56 AM

My friends are .... different ...
Someone said the other day ... Awk ya shouldn't SH, (talking in a completly abstract way) - She was only joking. A girl in our group had a cut on her leg .. from shaving. lol.

Anyways,.. Some of my friends dont understand, *(well they wouldn't if I told them)
But the 2 that know, they have been WUITE supportive of me..

Mehhh.. basically they don't help alot.
I think that people who dont SH, they dont understand.I alm ost want to go to them..
OMG I SH... LEAVE ME ALONE! =/

one of my friends #SH's and she actually did it for the attention because she found out that I SH'd and she did it so people would take some notice of her instead of me. =/


Life is too short to be anything other than happy all the time ..

Life is great!

   
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Re: Friends.... - March 8th 2009, 03:57 AM

My friends are .... different ...
Someone said the other day ... Awk ya shouldn't SH, (talking in a completly abstract way) - She was only joking. A girl in our group had a cut on her leg .. from shaving. lol.

Anyways,.. Some of my friends dont understand, *(well they wouldn't if I told them)
But the 2 that know, they have been QUITE supportive of me..

Mehhh.. basically they don't help alot.
I think that people who dont SH, they dont understand.I alm ost want to go to them..
OMG I SH... LEAVE ME ALONE! =/

one of my friends #SH's and she actually did it for the attention because she found out that I SH'd and she did it so people would take some notice of her instead of me. =/


Life is too short to be anything other than happy all the time ..

Life is great!

   
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