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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Name: amanda
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Unhappy hidden in "she" - May 12th 2011, 07:31 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Idk if this really belongs here, but itís the story that causes her to SH, so idk
Sorry it is long.
So I know this girl who is in a very bad situation. She never wanted to be alive and she is pissed at her parents for having her. When she was just two years old she got raped by her father over and over and over many times. And the sad part is her mother knew about it and she didnít even care. Her parents got divorced when she was five years old. She never really knew her father. She never saw a true side to him. He was always on drugs or drunk off of his ass. She didnít really get along with her mother either. When she was eleven she got into a fight with her mom and she had to move in with her dad and his new girlfriend and her kids it was a living night mare for her. She got abused both physically and verbally every day. She got kicked out of their house many times she had to literally live out on the streets and she snuck into empty houses just for a place to sleep. There were nights where she had nowhere to g and she slept in the tennis courts behind her Jr high. She would go hungry and only eat three meals a week, if even that. Even when she tried to go home, her dad was always drunk and tried to mess with her sexually, causing her just run away time after time. When she was only eleven after a year of this her mom didnít want to seem like a bad mother, so she took her back in just for that reason. Her mom is nothing like a mom is supposed to be, she abuses her and she doesnít allow her to be herself or dress the way she wants to, she has to live by her rules. A couple of years ago she met the most amazing girl. She might have been a few years older, but she saved her life. They are still in love today. That girl is the only thing she has left. She believes she is nothing without her. Thereís no wonder why she is so fucked up in her head. She has been diagnosed with, borderline personality disorder, bulimia and depression and she has been cutting and smoking since she was eleven. Now fast forward to today. She doesnít give a shit about herself or her life and she lets everyone think she is this big whore who she is honestly not but no one cares enough to figure that out. So she puts on this front so everyone will think she is happy when she is breaking inside.
She just broke up with her boyfriend of a year and a half who abused her. She thought she was in love with him but he is actually a dick who didnít give a shit about her at all. I guess the reason why she put herself in that relationship was because she believed she deserved nothing better. Itís kinda funny, even though she is not involved in that relationship anymore; she still lets him abuse her.
Now there is a new guy she thinks the world of. She thinks everything about him is perfect. Every time they are together he melts her heart. But she knows he doesnít like her back. She wants to yell it in his face what he is doing to her but she canít find her voice to do it. She is the only one who can hear the echo from her heart breaking every time he ignores her. She just hopes that one day he feels what he puts her through. But hey, itís not like she can force him to like her. Itís not her fault that she is ugly, unattractive, and fat. Itís not her fault she doesnít have what guys want. Itís just what she has been cursed with. But she is tired of rejection; she is tired of putting on a fake smile
(only the guy she likes can make her smile) she is tired of pretending to be happy and most of all she is tired of cutting every single day. But that little sliver of metal, of perfection in her eyes, is her best friend. He is always there for her he calms her every sob. He wipes her every tear he never lies to her and he will never leave and he will never stab her in the back, just her wrist. He is always just a reach away. He never judges her; he never asks why he is the perfect listener when she spills her heart and blood for him. She has nowhere to go she has nothing left worth fighting for. Itís stupid actually. She thinks sheís not worth anything if she doesnít have someone there to love her. Whatís the point? She sees no reason to live if she is on her own. Sitting next to her now the guy she likes he isnít saying a word to her. He has no idea what he is doing so whatís the point in trying anymore? Oh and just between you and meÖ ďsheĒ.. is meÖ


Forget the risk. Take the fall. If it's meant to be, it's worth it all.
We will never sleep, 'cause sleep is for the weak
And we will never rest, 'til we're all fucking dead


   
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Re: hidden in "she" - May 12th 2011, 08:39 PM

Hi Amanda,
I'm sorry you have been through so much, I can honestly relate. If you ever need to talk feel free to PM anytime.

P.S. This was beautifully written.


"Shoot for the moon, even if you miss you'll land among the stars."

"For those who don't care, for those who can't see, never give up, always thrive to be free."

Smile, you are beautiful www.operationbeautiful.com

Blessed Be!
Nicole AKA Nikki
Artist, Poet, and Future Social Worker
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: hidden in "she" - May 14th 2011, 09:19 PM

oh my god i am so sorry :"( i cant believe what happened to you. and im also sorry that i dont know how to help. all i can say is i hope things get better and you find someone who loves you and makes you happy because it sounds like you deserve happyness. Again im really sorry and if you want to talk im here.
Love, Peace, and Hope
Lucy <3


Not all scars show, not all wounds heal Sometimes you can't always see the pain someone feels



Last Time I Cut
5/4/2011
   
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