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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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Ella.x Offline
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I feel so lost - May 19th 2011, 07:26 PM

I'm supposed to be stopping cutting, I've gone nearly 3 weeks. I can't do it anymore though. It's too much. I want to hurt myself. I want to rip my face off and tear myself limb from limb. The longer I go without self harm, the more I want it and the worse it is when I eventually do cave in and do it. I don't know who I am anymore. I hate who I've become. I'm lost and confused and alone and I don't know what to do. Someone save me, please?
   
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Re: I feel so lost - May 19th 2011, 08:53 PM

heya..Im so sorry you are struggling at the moment.

My advice is well look on alternatives page in this self harm forum...

Also something that is keeping me going at the moment is on a claender on my computer I am writing at the end of every single day I write hw many days it has been. Just the number of days nothing else...this has really helped me as I fill with self pride when I realise how well I am doing. Also worte in a notebook every time you get an urge just stating how you are feeling, why you want to hurt yourself, where and what triggered you... this will help you in the long term learn about yourself and realise the things in your life that have made self harm your escape root.. this understanding will really help in the long term.

Hope that is helpful....message me anytime
X


"Casting all your anxiety upon Him, because He cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7

"For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control." 2 Timothy 1:7

"Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect." Romans 12:2

PM/VM me anytime
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Re: I feel so lost - May 19th 2011, 09:19 PM

Thankyou for the reply. I caved in and cut, a lot. Not particularly deep, but a lot of times. I'm keeping a mood diary for my social worker. I think I need to be referred to a psychiatrist again though, but I don't know how to ask. I just wish I didn't hate myself so much, things would be easier then, I might be able to actually accept help.
Edit: I want to cut again, it wasn't enough. I want to cut so deep that I see the vein like I did last time, but I want to keep going now and cut so deep that I just keep bleeding and I die.
   
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Re: I feel so lost - May 19th 2011, 11:26 PM

Aww hunni I'm sorry you're going through such a rough time atm
I really wish I could help you and make you feel better! Please don't cut even deeper hun, I'm actually really worried about. I agree it may be a good idea to be referred to a psychiatrist again. Who did you ask about it last time? Maybe you could just hand them a note saying you want to be referred again because the sh is getting worse.
PM me any time you want to chat ok hun? xxx
   
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Re: I feel so lost - May 19th 2011, 11:32 PM

Keeping a mood diary is a good thing; it can help you look back and see the patterns in your moods so you can prevent acting on them in the future. Keep up the good work.
If you haven't already asked your social worker to refer you to a psychiatrist, I would ask. It sounds like you could use more help than you are getting. Make use of those resources.

I don't know why you hate who you've become, but until you deal with those issues you are going to have trouble coping. I would talk to your social worker about them so you can really see what's going on. In addition, you may have to do some work to find alternatives to cutting for you. There's a list here in this very forum, with everything from simple, alternative activities you can do to using intense pressure or sensation to stop the urge. They won't seem as good as cutting, but they'll keep your life and relationships intact while you get help. You might slip up once in a while, but it doesn't make you a bad person. You are still wonderful, no matter what you do. Just keep on trying; you can do it.



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Re: I feel so lost - May 20th 2011, 07:05 AM

Last time, it was when I was living at uni. My doctor referred me to a cpn for an initial assessment and she referred me to a psychiatrist and a counsellor. When I moved back here my new doctor didn't think I needed to see anyone anymore. It's only since I overdosed in january that I got referred to the social worker. I'm sick of having to fight for help. I'm on the highest dose of anti depressants that my doctor can give me and they're clearly not enough. Everyone seems to have given up on trying to diagnose me so I'm stuck with "atypical depressive episode", but surely if I had a proper diagnosis it would help them to know what help to give me?
   
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