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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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Exclamation Can't Control My Thinking.... (triggering) - March 9th 2009, 11:03 PM

Lately, my brain has been totally locked on thinking about cutting that its to the point where reminding me that it's been three months since I was addicted to a blade doesn't help anymore. It did before, but now its absolutely out of control. I know we have razors here, and I'm at the point where I just want to find them and cut to the point of no return. I can't seem to grasp a hold on this urge, even though I'm doing everything I can to distract myself. Every time I get a semblance of control, it seems to slip. I'm not sure what to do and I don't see my therapist for another week.

Thoughts?





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Re: Can't Control My Thinking.... (triggering) - March 9th 2009, 11:15 PM

Hey,
Would you be able to arrange to see your therapist sooner? I don't know if that is an option but if it is that might be helpful. If it isn't then you need to keep distracted and perhaps talking here would help you. Is there anyone else you can talk to? Just remember you are not alone. Stay strong :-)
   
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Re: Can't Control My Thinking.... (triggering) - March 9th 2009, 11:24 PM

I wish there was, but its a private treatment centre and she's pretty booked solid. I've been keeping myself distracted like crazy because I don't want to fail myself. That's the one thing that scares me most.

Thanks so much for even listening. Sometimes I think I must annoy my friends because I'm always complaining about my issues.





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Re: Can't Control My Thinking.... (triggering) - March 10th 2009, 12:05 AM

u should see someone about this
   
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Re: Can't Control My Thinking.... (triggering) - March 10th 2009, 07:39 PM

Your welcome! I think your doing great to have not self harmed and staying distracted. It can be hard when there is a big gap between seeing your therapist, but it isn't too much longer now before you will see her again. Your more than welcome to PM me if you ever want to talk; I will listen :-)
   
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Re: Can't Control My Thinking.... (triggering) - March 10th 2009, 09:38 PM

Hey,

Before you go back to self harm, before you turn back to the blade - stop for a moment. Sit down somewhere you won't be interrupted and can be alone with your thoughts and think - is this what you really want? To go back to an addiction? To be sucked back into that viscous cycle that seems impossible to break free of? Think hard about what it was like before you started fighting the urges, before those three months you've gone without it. Remember what it was like to feel out of control like that? Remember how it felt to be caught up in an addiction and to struggle breaking free? Remember the worry of hiding fresh cuts and scars?

Once you've asked yourself those questions, ask yourself this - is it really worth it?

Urges can be hard and shaking these thoughts away can be tough sometimes. Right now, what I would say to do is take it one urge at a time. Focus on getting yourself through one urge without going back to the blade. Keep yourself distracted as best you can; keeping yourself around other people when you're triggered can help you resist, because would you really want to hurt yourself in front of others? Keep your hands busy - cleaning, playing an instrument, writing, drawing, anything, so long as they're away from objects that could be used as self harm tools. Call up a friend and tell them, you're having an urge to hurt yourself and could they keep you calm and help you un-trigger until the urge has passed - or, you don't even have to necessarily tell that friend you want to hurt yourself. Tell them you just feel like talking, whatever you want - but having someone around can help to take your mind off it.

As soon as the urge has passed, gather up anything in your house you could use to hurt yourself with and get rid of it. Throw them away somewhere you won't be tempted to go back looking for them. Give them to a trusted friend to get rid of for you if it helps. But definitely try to get rid of them because once you do, it's that much easier to fight an urge and temptation will be less, if you know there's nothing you can use to hurt yourself with.

Is there any way you could call your therapist if you're having an urge, before your next appointment? Or to decrease the time between appointments? I know you said she's booked but you and her may be able to find a time you can meet for additional sessions.

Your friends are your friends for a reason, because they care about you. When someone cares about you, it won't matter if you go to them for help often because they'll want to help. They won't be bothered or annoyed in any way because they want to see you ok and happy, they'll want to help where they can.

Remember that fighting is so much easier when you know you WANT to fight because if you aren't ready to stop 100%, if you aren't dedicated completely to stopping, it's going to be harder because your heart won't be in it. Hang in there and feel free to let me know if you ever want to talk about anything. Take care of yourself.



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