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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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I don't know how much longer I can go on - March 10th 2009, 12:54 AM

Background story: I was cutting to relieve stress and because it felt like I was special from when I was 16 (in 2004 - golly I'm old). After many aborted attempts at quitting I made my last cut on December 31st 2007 and have been SH free since.

However, I am beginning to feel lonelier than ever now. I don't want to lose myself again but I want to be happy and my mind associates being happy with cutting because of before. I feel lonely and dissociated, apart from the world, looking in from the outside. Cutting gave me something to tend do, something to do even.

I don't think I want to go back because it was hard to quit but I know how easy it'd be to hide from everyone since nobody in real life really cares about me
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I don't know how much longer I can go on - March 10th 2009, 12:59 AM

You can do it try a reward system or rip paper that's what I used to do.
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Re: I don't know how much longer I can go on - March 10th 2009, 01:01 AM

How would a reward system work though? When it comes to rewards I'm very self sufficient so I'd have to buy my own reward which would defy the point of a reward.

btw to anyone else, I wrote the guide on SH resources so there's no need to refer me there
   
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Re: I don't know how much longer I can go on - March 10th 2009, 01:03 AM

get someone else to help I used to have a young man that would play a RPG with me if I didn't self harm.
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Re: I don't know how much longer I can go on - March 10th 2009, 02:03 AM

First of all, I think you're insane for thinking that no one cares about you, because that's absolutely not true. I don't think there's anyone on TH who hasn't had at least one or two awesome conversations with you, and I know they all care a lot. As for the self harm, I know that it sounds like it's the only thing that might make you happy right now... but how happy were you when you went your first whole day without self harm? Didnt't that bring more happiness than hurting yourself? Knowing that you were strong enough, and you've been pulling through without self harm, doesn't that make you feel confident, and like you've accomplished something? Because you really have, and that should make you happy. You've been doing great staying away from self harm, and I'm sure you have fought many urges before - just as you can fight these urges to. I know it's tough as hell, but you're tough as hell too, right?

You can get through all of this without self harm, I really believe that.





A lonely soul in a land of broken hearts


   
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Re: I don't know how much longer I can go on - March 10th 2009, 02:25 AM

Can I ask a question?
...
Okay, Thanks.

Was it worth cutting to begin with? Do you really want to go back to it?
You know you will want to quit again at some point, so why not just stop it now before it starts? Logically speaking, toughing it out now will make the future much better. I know you are feeling lonely, but does cutting fix that? No.

If you feel apart from the world, get involved. Don't just sit around, get yourself involved in your community, volunteer, get a job, take some college courses. There are ways to fix your problem besides self harm.


Sorry if I sounded a little harsh.... I didn't mean to.

Btw, do you want to ruin your streak???


   
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Re: I don't know how much longer I can go on - March 10th 2009, 02:51 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Concrete Girl View Post
yourself? Knowing that you were strong enough
I'm not strong

Quote:
Originally Posted by lost-myself View Post
Can I ask a question?
...
Okay, Thanks.

Was it worth cutting to begin with? Do you really want to go back to it?
You know you will want to quit again at some point, so why not just stop it now before it starts? Logically speaking, toughing it out now will make the future much better. I know you are feeling lonely, but does cutting fix that? No.
It does in the short term and that's all that matters. I don't know if I want to go back to it, that's what this thread is about
   
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Re: I don't know how much longer I can go on - March 10th 2009, 03:06 AM

To quit self harm after three years of it takes a lot of strength, Lee. You are strong enough to do this without self harm. I don't think you would recommend anyone else to hurt themselves, so why is it any different for you? It might be a temporary fix, but so are other options. I know you know about the Alternatives and Distractions Thread, but really, use them!


   
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Re: I don't know how much longer I can go on - March 10th 2009, 03:09 AM

It's different because I'm not as important as anyone else
I've had a quick look through them but it's 3am now so I have to keep the noise down

At the moment I'm just staying up until I can stay up no longer and crashing into bed to sleep straight away
   
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Re: I don't know how much longer I can go on - March 10th 2009, 03:16 AM

What makes you think you aren't as important as other people? You are just as wonderful as everyone else. You don't need or deserve to hurt yourself. Nor does anyone else. It doesn't matter who you are, self harm ISN'T for ANYONE!

There are some quiet alternatives: holding ice cubes can really help.

And crashing in bed always helps, TeenHelp is a great distraction. Sleep can turn moods around as well, so tomorrow you might not feel the same way. Wouldn't it be a shame if you gave into the temptation now?


   
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Re: I don't know how much longer I can go on - March 10th 2009, 03:29 AM

I'm going to punch something in the face. Because I typed out a huge thing and then got backspaced pwnd.

Oh dear. I'm mad at myself now.
Anyway. Lee, I've always thought of you as someone everyone likes. Even since the moment I met you. (Which I believe was in a MSN convo with Peter if I remember correctly) I care about you, and I barely know you. Imagine how much the people who know you better must care. That's a lot of caring!

As for a rewards system, I'll PM you a site that has a cool idea on it. Not sure if you've seen it before or not. I'll explain it on there.

One day at a time. Is the best saying ever. Because it's totally true. Don't self harm today. Tomorrow, you can worry about tomorrow.
The butterfly method is amazing in my opinion. Since you just work from getting to one faded drawing to another. You can even draw a smiley face, a spider, or whatever you wish. It really helps just remind you that you don't have to last forever without self harm. Just till it's faded. Then, you work from there to try not to self harm. Until, as you have now, you have years gone by without self harming. And Lee, that is a truly amazing accomplishment. And I am SO excited for when I reach there. I hope I do.

Think about what made you stop last time, and see if that still applies. Are you ready to deal with all of that again?

If you need anyone to talk to, I'm here.
Maria.



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Re: I don't know how much longer I can go on - March 10th 2009, 03:37 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Gidig View Post
I'm going to punch something in the face. Because I typed out a huge thing and then got backspaced pwnd.
Press Forward in the browser and ctrl+z (undo) in the text box, works miracles
Quote:
Oh dear. I'm mad at myself now.
Anyway. Lee, I've always thought of you as someone everyone likes. Even since the moment I met you. (Which I believe was in a MSN convo with Peter if I remember correctly) I care about you, and I barely know you. Imagine how much the people who know you better must care. That's a lot of caring!
Sounds about right, there are various levels of caring, from lying caring through professional caring to real caring

Quote:
One day at a time. Is the best saying ever. Because it's totally true. Don't self harm today. Tomorrow, you can worry about tomorrow.
The butterfly method is amazing in my opinion. Since you just work from getting to one faded drawing to another. You can even draw a smiley face, a spider, or whatever you wish. It really helps just remind you that you don't have to last forever without self harm. Just till it's faded. Then, you work from there to try not to self harm.
It's a good idea I suppose, I'd just look like a jackass although I suppose scars will make my arms look sillier and hoods are not wise in this weather

Quote:
Until, as you have now, you have years gone by without self harming. And Lee, that is a truly amazing accomplishment. And I am SO excited for when I reach there. I hope I do.

Think about what made you stop last time, and see if that still applies. Are you ready to deal with all of that again?

If you need anyone to talk to, I'm here.
Maria.
To be honest I don't know why I quit last time, probably for a wager knowing me lol. It's nice going a year but it's nicer not feeling lonely or out of it
   
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Re: I don't know how much longer I can go on - March 10th 2009, 03:46 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hyper Sonic View Post
Press Forward in the browser and ctrl+z (undo) in the text box, works miracles
... I don't even know what to say to that. I so knew that.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Hyper Sonic View Post
Sounds about right, there are various levels of caring, from lying caring through professional caring to real caring

Oh geez. Technicalities. If people are going to tell you they care, then it's their responsibility to show it. Especially when you need it. The question boils down to, are they going to be there if you reach out for them? Why don't you try some people? It's a good chance to see how much they care. I think you may turn out surprised.



Quote:
Originally Posted by Hyper Sonic View Post
It's a good idea I suppose, I'd just look like a jackass although I suppose scars will make my arms look sillier and hoods are not wise in this weather
Yeah! See, find silly reasons like this. Like, wearing hoods seems like such a small price to pay at the moment, but when you find tons of things like this, they add up. What about hiding it? Like, when you're unaware of people around you. Not being able to get comfortable besides for in your room when your door is locked as to not let anyone see.
And you wouldn't look like a jackass so shhush.




Quote:
Originally Posted by Hyper Sonic View Post
To be honest I don't know why I quit last time, probably for a wager knowing me lol. It's nice going a year but it's nicer not feeling lonely or out of it
Hm. Find other ways to wake yourself up so to speak, or to help yourself feel less lonely. Why don't you find another hobby? Play with photoshop, take various pictures of your polar bears I believe you have? Make a collage or something . If you want, get out and find a place where you have things in common with people, while being safe and healthy (Aka, a pub isn't the best place to do this on a regular basis =P ).



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Re: I don't know how much longer I can go on - March 10th 2009, 03:53 AM

Oh Lee. ( fantastic name, btw)
if only we could be "people in real life"
I would do it in an instant.
I've not been here for very long, but of course, you're like one of THE teenhelpers.
(mostly) everyone here adores you, and your odd humor.
I know cyber-friendships dont really cut it, but at least know that you have support.
and if you self harm today, that's years wasted.
another thing is that, when I help others who self harm, I feel like a complete [insert demeaning title here] because I self harm too...
doesn't it feel much better when you've stopped and dont feel like a total hypocrite?
just a few thoughts. take care, Lee, because we really do care about you.

oh yes, and how do you pronounce necrophilia...?
and also, what is it?


I will never be good enough for them
and it kills me every day
   
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Re: I don't know how much longer I can go on - March 10th 2009, 03:58 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Gidig View Post
... I don't even know what to say to that. I so knew that.


Oh geez. Technicalities. If people are going to tell you they care, then it's their responsibility to show it. Especially when you need it. The question boils down to, are they going to be there if you reach out for them? Why don't you try some people? It's a good chance to see how much they care. I think you may turn out surprised.


Yeah! See, find silly reasons like this. Like, wearing hoods seems like such a small price to pay at the moment, but when you find tons of things like this, they add up. What about hiding it? Like, when you're unaware of people around you. Not being able to get comfortable besides for in your room when your door is locked as to not let anyone see.
And you wouldn't look like a jackass so shhush.


Hm. Find other ways to wake yourself up so to speak, or to help yourself feel less lonely. Why don't you find another hobby? Play with photoshop, take various pictures of your polar bears I believe you have? Make a collage or something . If you want, get out and find a place where you have things in common with people, while being safe and healthy (Aka, a pub isn't the best place to do this on a regular basis =P ).
Lol, not to worry about the pub I don't have the cash and I become suicidal when I get drunk so I don't go down that route often. I do have bears, has Sissa being talking? xD. I might mess about with some images in the afternoon once I get up


Quote:
Originally Posted by Charlie_Charlie View Post
Oh Lee. ( fantastic name, btw)
if only we could be "people in real life"
I would do it in an instant.
I've not been here for very long, but of course, you're like one of THE teenhelpers.
(mostly) everyone here adores you, and your odd humor.
I know cyber-friendships dont really cut it, but at least know that you have support.
and if you self harm today, that's years wasted.
another thing is that, when I help others who self harm, I feel like a complete [insert demeaning title here] because I self harm too...
doesn't it feel much better when you've stopped and dont feel like a total hypocrite?
just a few thoughts. take care, Lee, because we really do care about you.

oh yes, and how do you pronounce necrophilia...?
and also, what is it?
nec-row-fillia and it is the act of having sex with the dead.

and thanks for your post, it seems like I know you from before but I don't remember you. The problem is that I'm not one of the teenhelpers but just another nobody, cutting made me somebody you see. Without it, or a staff position, I feel like a nobody
   
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Re: I don't know how much longer I can go on - March 10th 2009, 04:04 AM

All you need to do is take a look at any picture in the picture forum of you

Hope you're feeling at least a bit better, yeah?



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March 10th 2009, 04:12 AM

duh. you are someone with out cutting, and with out a coloured name.
psh.
okay, well, see, before i read this post, i didn't know that you self harmed. you were still someone to me then, and still are. without cutting.
and even though i used to know you by your coloured title, now i know you by your user title and I dont think any differently of you. you're still the same friendly helpful funny person as before.

it sucks that you can't see you the way i do.
I'm pretty sure if you could you'd know you dont need to cut.

I'm gonna stop rambling now.
thanks for the new word

haha, and I canot believe there's actually a word for having sex with dead people.
eww.


I will never be good enough for them
and it kills me every day

Last edited by Perplexity; March 10th 2009 at 04:13 PM. Reason: Merged posts
   
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Re: I don't know how much longer I can go on - March 16th 2009, 02:35 AM

Apologies for bumping but I felt it was better to update here lol.

I managed not to cut since the 10th and it's now 6 days later so I suppose that's ok. I'm feeling more easily triggered now though . One of my sonic wristbands brought back memories from summer 2007.
Logically, I know my problem stems from associating cutting with happier times even if the former did not cause the latter. However, I'm still none the wiser how to overcome it, I don't want to forget the few good memories I that have left
   
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Re: I don't know how much longer I can go on - March 16th 2009, 10:23 AM

I'm sorry for not replying to this before... I have to say I stay away from this forum quite a lot, but saw your post, and had to jump in.
I know you're stronger than this. And how will cutting make you feel less lonely?
I may venture into tough territory here, but a cut on one's arm does not create a friend, yes it takes your mind of your life, but once the pain has faded, and the cut healed... you're still in the same place. The only way to feel less lonely, is to do something about it, be proactive and find new friends, in your area, so you can go drink with them xD
I know you can do it, you know you can do it, now show everyone else that you can.
Lou.


"Life is pain, anybody that says different is selling something" ~ Fezzik's Mother, The Princess Bride. ♥

"To die, would be an awfully big adventure."~ Peter Pan

"Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it.
Do not believe in anything simply because it is spoken and rumoured by many.
Do not believe in anything simply because it is found written in your religious books.
Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders.
Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations.
But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it."

~ The Buddha

14-04-2010. R.R <3
   
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Re: I don't know how much longer I can go on - March 16th 2009, 11:50 AM

Firstly, can I just say that you aren't a nobody because you are someone round here with or without the staff position and you are someone outside of TH even if it doesn't feel like it because you are important and people do care about you, me included.

I know it's hard when you start to get the urges and memories back from when you use to do it, I'm kind of having the same problem at the moment. You just need to give yourself a distraction that can take your mind of it all, something fun to do whether it's by yourself or with some friends so that you don't feel the need to anymore and so that maybe you'll be happy. Even though I'm terrible at keeping plans, I'm only 15 minutes away if you ever want to use me as a distraction! ^_^ Going with what someone else said as well, how happy did you feel when you managed to go 3 months without a single cut because that is a really amazing achievement and even though times are hard at the moment you should remind yourself of that and maybe it'll help you get through because you know you are strong enough because you've proved that by going so long without doing it <3
   
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