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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
chhd Offline
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Name: Savanna
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Angry at least 40 - March 10th 2009, 05:51 AM

fresh cuts just from tonight and the night before. Im actually crying which recently has been rare for me.I'm crying because i pulled up my leg of my shorts and didnt even recognize it. I got this feeling in my stomach im listening to Between the Trees- A Time For Yohe. I don't know wh'at to do. I've never cut so much in such short time and the last thing i want is my little secret progressing anymore. I'm so scared i used a whole roll of paper towels and then some to clean up the mess.Am i crazy i feel like it sometimes i get so angry with myself because i dont get the one thing that makes everything feel so much better than it really is.I know that me not eating a lot isn't helping with my blood loss. I got really dizzy in gym today and i have to get up really slow or else i feel faint. I just don't know what to do. I'm so tired of my own self.


Then she closed her eyes
And found relief in a knife
The blood flows as she cries
Between The Trees-The Way She Feels

As she sits in the corner
face to the floor
she dispels smoke from from her lips
and slowly floats away with it
lettinggo of so much pain
her tears are thick enough to stain
the pavement that slowly becomes
her best friend when she needs to run away
Between The Trees- A Time For Yohe
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Magical Forest. Offline
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Re: at least 40 - March 10th 2009, 09:47 AM

Savanna, I'm so sorry that you're feeling so terrible right now. It is scary when you realise how much you cut, sometimes when you're doing it, you aren't really aware of what you're doing.
In a way, the fact that your crying is a good thing, crying releases adrenaline which then calms you down.

I know you were referring to it as 'your little secret', but suffering alone is really tough, having someone to talk to about it can really help you cope, and maybe to find different ways to distract yourself instead of cutting yourself so much. This link - http://teenhelp.org/forums/showthread.php?t=130 can show you many different techniques, I've used some before and they can help.

PM me if you need someone to talk to.

x
   
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Re: at least 40 - March 10th 2009, 05:01 PM

Hey, Savanna. Between the Trees has helped me through a lot of rough times in my life, and I like their connection to To Write Love On Her Arms. If you're not already familiar with their website, I think they have a few stories on there that may be helpful or just comforting for you to read; you're not alone, which is an important thing to concentrate on.

I'm sorry that things have been escalating for you, and I'm worried about the fact that you're not eating regularly yet you're losing a lot of blood and still doing physical activity. Are you at least staying hydrated? If you don't want to be sent to a hospital for collapsing, I'd suggest making the effort to eat at least a few small meals and drinking a lot of water to make sure that you get through gym ok. You may not want to have your behavior noticed, but if you pass out you have no chance of hiding anything.

That being said, I would also suggest looking into the alternatives sticky (either reading it to calm you down, or actually trying the methods is fun) when you're feeling low. Take care of the cuts you have, and next time you want to sit down and punish yourself make yourself think about exactly why you're wanting to do something that will only cause you more pain later. If possible, put away the things you use most. That will slow you down before you SH, and hopefully give you time to talk to someone/talk yourself out of it.

Have you been to a doctor or therapist at all? Just finding a general doctor and asking them to recommend you to someone is an easy way to start getting help, even if you don't want your family to know everyone on TH wants you to get better. Take care, and PM me if you need to talk.

<3


When you say "never", I'll say "lie"
When you say "always", I'll say "true"
When you say "love", I'll say "you"
I'll say "you"

It gets better.
   
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Re: at least 40 - March 10th 2009, 05:16 PM

Hey-

I think there are various points to someone who self harms gets to. There are some where you're starting, some where you're fine with it, and ones towards the end of your 'career' so to speak, that makes you decide to stop. Are you going to let this be the time that makes you want to stop?

Since, I can't have an answer to that right now, I'm going to just go on with some advice to stop self harming. Then, you can see if it's something you're ready for. If not, that is entirely okay. While I'd prefer you stop (And I'm sure others would too) I understand that sometimes people aren't ready, because I know I wasn't ready for a long time.

I really want to stress, that it's not going to be easy. But it will be worth it. It's like climbing a huge mountain, it's hard, but when you get to the top the view is just gorgeous. And suddenly, while you understand how hard it was to get up there, you realize you'd do it over and over again if you had to. At least, that's my experience with it.

Check out the distractions and so forth on this thread HERE. Personally, my favorite distraction is coloring. I totally have an entire coloring book I'm just awesome like that. But it really helps. Especially like, if I'm in a really bad mood, I can just scribble over someones face. Haha.
Also, for in your instance, I want to point out the First Aid thread. And look at that and make you sure you properly care for you cuts. Especially when you have so many, getting an infection is not the best thing.

If you want to stop, you can do this. I know you can, I don't think, I know. If you need any help at all, we're all here for you. Stay safe.
Maria.



The best wayout is always through~
-Robert Frost

Proud member of the LGBT community.

   
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