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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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Lullaby857 Offline
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I need answers to my own personal questions - June 10th 2011, 03:01 AM

So I've always been fascinated with the cuts I get, my fault or not. Then, maybe six months ago, I accidentally scratched myself and liked it, so I kept doing it. That's all it was, scratches, and only a couple lasted more than a day. I covered them up and that was it.

Then about one month ago, my cat scratched me really hard and I got a mark I still have. I found myself staring at it for no reason. A few days later, I found a piece of sharp broken plastic in my room. Then I cut myself with it. Not deep at all. In fact, it didn't even bleed. I did it a couple more times till I had about 8 or 9 parallel scratches on my inner arm.

The next day. I got the plastic and cut myself again, only deeper. These ones did bleed. I did it on my inner wrist at least a dozen times, maybe more. There was no permanent damage but I still did it. After I finished I started crying. It scared me like hell that I could actually do this to myself. I covered them both up and now they've faded. I didn't cut again until a couple days ago. I got the same piece of plastic and cut, and they all bled. My friend asked about them and I lied. i still find myself staring at the cuts.

I have this one friend who cuts herself for attention. She told someone and now she sees a counselor. I don't do it for attention. If I did, I wouldn't be trying to hide my cuts. But I have no idea why I do it. I have a family that cares about me, and I definitely have enough friends. One of my friends, however, is always bugging me about being a coward and being an idiot and things like that. She thinks if you cut there's something wrong with you and she instantly makes fun of you.

Anyways, I haven't cut for a couple days, but I keep wanting to. So why do I cut? I've read some things on self-harm, and they say it can be a way to cover up emotions like hurt or anger. I want to tell someone to get help but I can't think of anyone to ask. I don't want to tell my parents or anyone in my family, and I don't trust my friends enough. I want to maybe go see a therapist but I'm 14, and I can't do it without telling my parents. I want to try to sort some things out before I tell them. So who do I tell, and what do I do?
   
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Katley Offline
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Re: I need answers to my own personal questions - June 10th 2011, 03:59 AM

Hey,

Well, first things first, my problems are not quite the same as you, but i wanna try to help. I have cut, and i still suffer with urges to do it.

My advice is to throw away the plastic, first. And then, when you feel the urge to do it. Try to ask yourself why. Why do you want to. Write a mess of the first words that come to your head on a piece of paper. Try to find what you are feeling.

How I stopped was that my parents found out that i did it... i know thats no help, because, unless you are different than me, you wouldnt tell them for your life. I didnt exactly mean for them to find out...


Well, i hope this helps, at least a little bit.

God Bless,
Sora


Just rise above this
Kill them with your kindness
Ignorance is blindness
They're the ones that stand to lose

'Cause they don't even know you
All they see is SCARS
They don't see the ANGEL
Living in your heart
   
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Re: I need answers to my own personal questions - June 10th 2011, 04:30 AM

Hey there,

You've taken a great step by reaching out on here. It is a great starting point. I know that I was (and still am) never comfortable invoking strong energies or emotions face-to-face with anyone, but found a vital support network on the internet for many years instead. Everyone is different, really. Explore different options at a pace that is comfortable for you.

When I got a therapist at 13, my parents needed to give consent, but they were never informed about the self-harm behaviour. I'm sure the conversation went something like 'your kid is experiencing loneliness and social difficulty with peers, and it would help to have someone to talk to'. Stuff that my parents wouldn't be surprised about really, because I was obviously a misfit. Usually, approaching a school counsellor is the first step - and if necessary, they can refer you to someone better capable of supporting you.

Sometimes, cutting occurs for the sake of cutting - there may well be no underlying reason to it. Just like how with other addictions, one may accidentally stumble across it and get hooked after that initial unintentional exposure, without any conscious realization of what just happened. There may be an addictive quality that is intrinsic to the act - an energy which seeks to sustain itself in its host's consciousness at all costs. Something to keep in mind. But definitely keep asking questions.

If you ever want someone to talk to, I am here.

Love and light,
Kaisada


"If limitations exist, it is because we have erased the possibility of potential."

Feel free to PM me if you ever need anything.
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  (#4 (permalink)) Old
Lullaby857 Offline
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Re: I need answers to my own personal questions - June 13th 2011, 03:54 AM

(I'm saying something in this post that upset me, don't know if it'd upset anyone else, just saying)

Well, I'm a huge failure.

Can't even go a week without cutting now apparently.

So, I was looking into some tips on how to stop cutting, of all things, when i came across this post on some random site. There was a girl who was asking for help like I had. I looked at some of the comments and one really, I mean REALLY, bugged me. This guy was going on about how if you cut you're a reject, you deserve to have people hate you for it, you deserve pain, and I kinda snapped.

Recently I've been having these random mood swings where I feel sad, angry, scared, etc, and I start crying and wanting to hurt myself even more than usual. This happened and I sorta broke down crying. I looked onto my bedside table and saw some safety pins that I had used the day before for my clothes. Despite wanting to stop and knowing it's wrong, I cut anyways. I was crying the whole time and it didn't make me feel any better. I haven't been able to think straight and I still feel horrible about everything. I got rid of the safety pin but still...

Tomorrow I'm definitely going to talk to the school counselor, but until then I just don't know. There's my rant.
   
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Re: I need answers to my own personal questions - June 13th 2011, 04:06 AM

what if you want help and want to talk to someone but can't do it yourself and don't want your parents to know... what do you do then?
   
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Re: I need answers to my own personal questions - June 15th 2011, 12:18 AM

I'm a mess now.

I told my friend and she was totally understanding about it, but when I was about to tell the counselor yesterday I freaked out and didn't do it. Do I have some kind of mental problem? Cause if I do then I need to do something about it right now. When I got home yesterday I started hacking away at myself with a scissor blade. Not very smart. It's 20 degrees out and i always have to keep a sweater on to cover the cuts on my arms. I got rid of everything that I could possibly use to hurt myself but I panic when I can't cut. What's going on with me?!

I definitely need help.
   
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Katley Offline
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Re: I need answers to my own personal questions - June 15th 2011, 12:27 AM

Okay, well heres for starters. You arent mental, its stressful to say things to a counselor or anything. Maybe type up a letter and hand it to them? Thats sometimes helpful. And yeah i understand where you're coming from with the cutting thing. Ive been the same way. I suggest taking a deep breath and call a friend, or, (this works for me) i write poetry to vent. It gets out a lot of emotion, and it can be helpful. if you still are having issues with it, maybe when you are not completely going insane, write a list of reasons NOT to, and read over them. That sometimes helps too. Overall, dont panic. You arent any more mental than the rest of us.


Just rise above this
Kill them with your kindness
Ignorance is blindness
They're the ones that stand to lose

'Cause they don't even know you
All they see is SCARS
They don't see the ANGEL
Living in your heart
   
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Katley Offline
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Re: I need answers to my own personal questions - June 15th 2011, 01:31 AM

OH, and btw. I used to have a friend who would say "cutters are disgusting" and such. Finally i burst with anger and was like. Well sorry, i guess we cant really be friends then, because IM one of those people. Sorry.

And he was STUNNED. and then apologized. I think if that sick person you talked about a few posts above KNEW someone PERSONALLY who cut, they wouldnt be talking.


Just rise above this
Kill them with your kindness
Ignorance is blindness
They're the ones that stand to lose

'Cause they don't even know you
All they see is SCARS
They don't see the ANGEL
Living in your heart
   
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