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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
cbaby93 Offline
Welcome me, I'm new!
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Name: corah
Age: 26
Gender: Female
Location: kentucky

Posts: 39
Join Date: January 27th 2009

from cutting to scars, and back again - March 12th 2009, 01:08 AM

i cut, and cut, then finally got ovr it. the cuts turned to scars. i thought i was ovr this depression but it just came back. im starting to cut again. im adding to the scars. my friendish person isnt helping. (i say friendish person for reasons that need explaining) she is always complaining about her life, and im tryin to help. she really has nothing wrong, she just complains about hte little stuff. y does this matter? cuz i finally told her she is hurting me so bad and she needs to stop. she has stupid reasons for cutting. we got in a fight after i told her my reasons for cutting, and i only told her half!!

point is, im cutting again. my friend isnt helping cuz shes always cutting and hurting me (not physicaly, but mentally u know, like my feelings) i hate complaining cuz i kno there r ppl out there with worse probs than me. my friend doesnt understand that tho....

heres a poem i wrote:

i walk the path of life
thru the obsticles it throws at me
its sometimes like a tunnel
no lite, no sign of a way out
i feel like im goin in circles
in and out of this feeling
its a cycle
cry, cut, scars, cry, cut, scars
ill walk out of this tunnel
just to walk back in
where is the turn?
does this darkness ever end?
i wish some1 was here
to show me the way
ive lost hope as
i walk the path of life

~Love makes life worth living~
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
asyoulikeit Offline
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Name: Marissa
Age: 28
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Join Date: January 28th 2009

Re: from cutting to scars, and back again - March 12th 2009, 01:31 AM

Hey, Corah. First off, if you wanna post more poems (or get input on them) there's a self-expression section that those would go great in, just make sure you mark them as triggering if they need to be.

I'm sorry your friend seems to be holding you back from staying clean, or at least isn't helping you while you're struggling with this. Some people cheapen the seriousness of SH by adopting it to attract attention (I know plenty of those, and they annoy the hell out of me) and yeah they're frustrating. If possible, try to remove yourself from her or not spend as much time around her when she's like that. She should understand that while you want to be supportive, you have issues in your life as well.

For constructive support, try to find a more patient/mature listener in your life, and remember that on TH we're here to listen and offer whatever advice or comfort we can. That's why we're on here, so you DO have support Also, this may be hard if you haven't done it before but I'd suggest getting an appointment with a therapist/psychologist or at least talking to a counselor to see if therapy would be helpful in you getting past this. You've already gotten through so much- I know you can do it again, this time for good. Hope this helps, take care; and PM me if you ever want to talk.

When you say "never", I'll say "lie"
When you say "always", I'll say "true"
When you say "love", I'll say "you"
I'll say "you"

It gets better.
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
soul Offline
Any fool can criticize
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Name: Mimi
Gender: Female

Posts: 922
Join Date: January 6th 2009

Re: from cutting to scars, and back again - March 12th 2009, 01:39 AM

I am sorry you relapsed. I to recently relapsed after a 3 year recovery but I am on the right path again and I am working on quitting. I congratulate you on your period of recovery. I am sorry to hear that your friend is no help to you in this time of need. If they are holding you back may I suggest you go to someone else when you feel like SHing. There are so many people on TH who would be willing to help you and listen the chat room is also a really good place to get support. May times they have convinced me to not SH and I am very grateful for that. I have made many great supportive friends here and i am sure you will too. It takes a lot of strength to quit and you have already proved you have it in you. Now prove it again. We are here to support you through this. PM me anytime day or night and I will do my best to help

<3- Mimi

As long as we can dream, there will be unicorns.
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
cbaby93 Offline
Welcome me, I'm new!
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Name: corah
Age: 26
Gender: Female
Location: kentucky

Posts: 39
Join Date: January 27th 2009

Re: from cutting to scars, and back again - March 12th 2009, 01:44 AM

i wont b posting nemore poems... im not much of a writer, but thanks.

yea i want to get away from her wen she acts like that ,but it so hard cuz i care about her. i just wish she culd understand.

the therapist....i havnt tried, i thought i didnt need to since i was outta the last phase a little after told my parents. i just... i guess i am a little afraid to go to one...im not sure.

gah i hate complaining. im sorry.....i havnt been like this in a while...i really dont like the attention, but if i dont get itout, i might go further than a cut....

another prob i have with cutting is i hide it. so i cut on my leg.... but wen i cut i dont think, i just cut where i think its hidden and no1 will notice. but the next day i put on my jeans, and it rubbs against the cut or it hurts to walk or something. cutting is dumb in the first place, and i have no idea y i have turned to it......

~Love makes life worth living~
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
*Jen* Offline
keep smiling :-)
Outside, huh?
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Name: Jen
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Location: England

Posts: 3,668
Blog Entries: 211
Join Date: January 6th 2009

Re: from cutting to scars, and back again - March 12th 2009, 03:36 PM

Hey Corah,
I am really sorry to hear about all of this. Your not complaining at all, and I am glad you posted this. It must be difficult to have gone back to self harm after being able to give up, but it just shows you can stop. You don't say what made you start cutting again. Do you know what it was? You might think your friend self harms for stupid reasons, but how do you know she has told you all the reasons why she does it. Self harm shows that there is obviously something wrong; it is a way of coping with difficult feelings, which you don't know any other way to cope with. I really think you should get some help, because then you can begin to deal with things and hopefully stop self harming again. You do deserve help and there is help out there for you if you reach out for it. You are more than welcome to PM me if you ever need someone to talk to. Stay strong:-)
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