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How do you stop? - June 30th 2011, 10:43 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

It's been 9 days since I last cut, and the urge is so, so strong.
I keep telling everyone I'm doing better, my parents, my fiancee, my CPN, and I don't have the heart to tell anyone that it all feels too much.
The only thing that's stopping me is knowing how much more I'll be letting everyone down, and ruining everything, but at the same time I want it more, because I know I deserve it.

How do you stop? How do you get over this addiction to cutting and punishing yourself?

I just feel like I deserve all of this, and it doesn't matter if it makes them angry because damn, I've got everything so wrong so far, it can't get much worse.

I just don't want to stop.
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Re: How do you stop? - June 30th 2011, 11:58 AM

Firstly well done on reaching 9 days this is an achivement. Secondly even though you have probably be told this you do not deserve this.
Please check out the alternatives thread there are some really distraction techniques that really work.

I would also say that do talk to people and keep talking, openeing up is alot better than bottling up these negative emotions and is a way better thing to do than hurt yourself.

Keep fighting. Stay strong and safe.
Take care

"Casting all your anxiety upon Him, because He cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7

"For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control." 2 Timothy 1:7

"Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect." Romans 12:2

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Re: How do you stop? - June 30th 2011, 12:51 PM

My nine days has gone down the drain and god, I hate myself so much right now. The alternatives don't work for me, it has to hurt.
It isn't even working anymore and I just can't stand it. I'm sorry for being such a mess.
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Re: How do you stop? - June 30th 2011, 01:34 PM


Don't be too hard on yourself about this, 9 days was great and yeah you slipped up, but keep trying: you CAN do this, you ARE stronger than selfharm. You are so amazing and you need to keep reminding yourself this you deserve to be happy.
It sounds like you have a great support network there, i really think you need to talk to some of these people about how you are feeling right now, that way they can support you through this and help you when you are feeling low.
If your only motivation to stop at the moment is to not let people down, then let that be the reason you stop for now. In time other reasons will become more clear, but for now focus on that and let it be your incentive to stop harming yourself.
You do NOT deserve this, no one deserves it, you don't need to hurt yourself to get through. You are strong girl and SH shouldn't even have to be an opition, you CAN beat it.
You said the alternatives don't work for you but keep trying, you WILL find one that does work. Hang in there.
It will all be okay, i promise. Stay strong and believe in yourself.

Feel free to PM me if you ever want to talk, I am always willing to listen,
Take care,

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Re: How do you stop? - July 1st 2011, 01:56 AM

I understand where you are coming from. You have to find an alternative that will work for you. Nothing on that list works for me, most of them actually make it worse. I gradually stop, increasing my goal each time, rewarding myself each time I reach a goal. You could try doing that. There is something out there that will help you out of this, or someone. That someone could be a friend, a relative or even yourself. Find that one thing that you absolutely love, and use it as your inspiration.

You can do it. You just have to believe in yourself, no matter how cheesy it sounds. Because the only way things will get better is if you let them.

9 days is great. Now try going 10 days. Or 14 days.

Why do you feel like you deserve it? Nobody deserves to hurt themselves. No matter how much we feel like we do, we really don't.

"Although only breath, words which I command are immortal." Sappho

"Sometimes I feel nothing at all. Sometimes I feel everything is my fault.
Sometimes I feel the hate break my mind. Sometimes I feel they deserve it this time.
May the bridges I burn light my way." - I, Alone - Otep

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Re: How do you stop? - July 3rd 2011, 12:41 AM

Hey, it's okay; you got nine days in there and that is a big accomplishment.

In all honesty, you have to find the reason inside of yourself that is strong enough to make you stop. You have to find the voice in your head that will override all the thoughts that you deserve this, that you deserve to hurt, because as long as you listen to the part of you that says you deserve to hurt you are in danger of harming yourself. It's hard, but it is doable. It takes a lot of work and support from the people who care about you, but it's doable.

The moon asked the crow
For a little show
In the hazy milk of twilight
No one had to know
The moon asked the crow...
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