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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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I don't want to be better anymore - July 1st 2011, 02:11 AM

i havent cut in about 4 months, but i miss it. i stopped because my parents found out and it was super awkward because im not close enough to anyone in my family when it comes to emotions and talking about them. sort of because of that reason i would confide in a lot of people that i was sorta close to and eventually my best friend got worried enough to tell my parents. but im smarter now, cant i just cut again and not tell anyone? i miss that one thing that was mine, that i liked doing. one of the reasons i started cutting is because my sister is like the ideal daughter and i always felt pressured to be just as good. if i start cutting again ive failed and i started cutting to avoid failure.....
   
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Re: I don't want to be better anymore - July 2nd 2011, 02:28 AM

Hey Erika.

I'm sorry to hear things aren't going so well right now. I'm going to share a theory with you now. I don't think you're really ready to give up. If you were, you wouldn't have posted this. If you really didn't want to get better, then you wouldn't. But the thing is, you posted this, you reached out for help - and that shows that some part of you hasn't given up yet. Hold onto it, okay?

First off, well done on not cutting for so long. I know going without self harm can be hard, but you've gone without it a long time, and that shows you can live without it. Self harm is a want, not a need, and it's possible to live without it. It's natural to miss it, and maybe a part of you always will, but that doesn't mean you can't stop.

Talking about emotions can be hard, but that doesn't mean it's bad. Have you tried seeing a counsellor or therapist about it? They should be able to help you express yourself, and open up - and deal with the feelings behind your self harm.

You could cut and not tell anyone, yes, but what good would that do? You wouldn't be dealing with your problems, you'd be lying to people you care about - is that really what you want? Self harm helps in the short term, I'll admit, but it causes a lot of problems too.

I know how you feel, about self harm being something that's yours, and that nobody can change, but the thing is, it's not worth it. Find something else and make it yours. Do you have any hobbies? Throw yourself into them, instead of hurting yourself.

I know how hard it can be, to feel you have to compare yourself to an older sibling, but the thing is, they're not you, and you're not them. Instead of trying to be like her, try and be yourself. Play to your strengths, and develop separately to her. Yes, you're related, but you're not the same person, so you shouldn't feel like you have to be like her.

If you do slip, it's not failing, as long as you pick yourself back up afterwards. Mistakes happen, and you do things you regret, but as long as you don't let them ruin your life, it's okay.

Stay safe, and take care.


let no science fix our path
if only numbers make its math.
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Re: I don't want to be better anymore - July 2nd 2011, 05:09 AM

yea i went to therapy for like 2 months but the woman was older than my mom and i just cant connect with adults. im very nervous around adults and dont open up much to them, so therapy pretty much wont go anywhere. addictions suck. plain and simple. if you get addiced to something bad then it gets taken away completely, you cant even have it in small doses. i know cuttings bad but ugh. just like you said, i dont NEED cutting but i WANT it. it was something i couldnt fail at. but now m afraid too because im afraid that people will find out again and be mad at me :/
   
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Re: I don't want to be better anymore - July 3rd 2011, 09:48 AM

Perhaps the therapist just wasn't someone you could connect with. I know that when I first went to therapy, the woman I saw was just not right for me. Even though it takes a while to warm up to someone, I could tell it wasn't going to work with her. The point of me telling you this is to urge you to give therapy another go. Find someone else, and see if it's any better - because most of the time, it's not the therapy itself, but the therapist, that's not right for you. If you go into therapy with a negative attitude, you're bound to not get positive results. Very few people go into therapy completely ready to open up; most have their reservations, and take a while to begin actually talking, but if you give it time, you might feel better about it. At the start, you could try writing a letter to your therapist, and explaining that you're not comfortable with talking about things yet. They'll understand, and help you.

You said it yourself - addictions suck. But if you keep getting stuck in this cycle, you'll never overcome this addiction. Recovery is hard, but it's worth it. Do you really want to rely on self harm forever? Think about how proud you'll be to say you were strong enough to stop, and how good it will feel to be able to go without it. Yes, you may still get urges, but as long as you resist them, it's okay.

If those close to you found out about your self harm, yes, they might be angry - but only because they care. Can you imagine how bad it would feel, hearing that someone you love is deliberately hurting himself/herself? Speaking from experience, it's not a good feeling, especially feeling like there's nothing you can do, or that they don't want to stop. You need support right now, and it's okay to ask for it. If you tell your friends, they might be angry at first, but they'll also want to help - and it's okay to let them.


let no science fix our path
if only numbers make its math.
🎕
   
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