Triggering (SH): Does it matter?

[krstnrcksbtt]

I don't understand the "severity" rule. First off, let me explain what I
mean, by "severity rule"
I feel like amongst people there is always this unwitten rule, that people
shouldn't talk about their feelings or problems, unless their problem is
"more significant" than someone elses. Especially when it comes to talking
about self-harm.
Honestly, does the frequency of the act or how much you harm you cause
yourself really matter? For example, Suzie cuts her self, but not very
often, while on the other hand, Jimmy does it almost daily. Does that
mean that because Jimmy does it more often that his problems are more
severe?
Also, just another example that doesn't have to do with self-harm. Jimmy's
girlfriend just broke up with him, while Suzie's grandpa just died. What's
worse?
Many people will without question say that Suzie's situation is worse.
Ok, but now, to change the scenario a little, let's say that Suzie's grandpa
just of cancer, while Jimmy's mother was just killed in a car accident. Now
which is worse?
This one really makes people think. Both are horrible, but which is worse?
I'm my opinion, a problem is a problem. There is no such thing as a less
significant problem.
I don't know if anyone will agree with me, but I feel like it needed to be
said. There are so many people who refuse to talk about what is on their
mind because they feel like it isn't significant. A common excuse is, "there
are people out there worse off than me, but they don't complain" I don't
buy that.
I would really like to hear what people have to say about this. This is just
my opinion, so please, feel free to tell me yours.

[SoraKat]

I really agree with you. Actually, thats what made me start cutting more than i did. I felt like my problem was less legit than other peoples, and i didnt deserve their time, which of course meant that i had no one to help me, which brought me lower. I now know that for 1, my problem WAS severe, even then, but also, i have a few friends who have cut themselves only 3 times. But in my opinion, the fact that they felt the need to do it even once hurts me, just the same as if they did it all the time.

thank you for sharing, and i very much agree.

no matter how much you SH, you still have a problem. No matter if there are people that are worse off, you still matter.

A good saying to have on this site i think. everyone counts the same. if you need help, you need help.

[Ella.x]

I completely agree. I never talk about my problems because I don't feel as though they are as bad as other peoples. However, 4 weeks ago I very nearly killed myself - which makes my reasoning not to talk about stuff seem completely stupid. Regardless of what the problem is, it's how you feel about it that counts. The fact that anyone would feel the need to hurt themselves is, I believe a serious problem in itself, regardless of how often, how deep etc.
I know this stuff, but for some reason, I can't seem to put it into practice in my own life. I still feel as though I don't deserve help as much as other people do, I still feel as though my self harm "isn't that bad" because I've only had stitches for it once. I think part of it is not wanting people to think that you are attention-seeking and judge you based on that.

[bnwhite]

I agree completely with what you're saying. I know I've been skeptical to tell people about my self-harm because I feel like the reasons I do it aren't that bad, so I have no right to do it. And I've often felt like the way I self-harm isn't as severe as what others do. So a lot of times I just try to keep my mouth shut about it. But I feel like it shouldn't matter what you do/how often/how severe. We should all feel able to share our stories without feeling like it's not as severe as others situations.

[bayhorse321]

I agree completely. I also never talked about my problems. I felt like what you said, people have it worse off than I do. One of the people that I did tell and tried to talk about my problems she only confirmed my already low self esteem and thoughts. She said I don't know why you would do that, your life is perfect. Anyways I guess that I just feel like my problems don't matter and are not big. I agree with you all.

[Lone Wolf]

Completely agree with you, I often think about this myself. A problem is a problem - I wish people would get over the immature notion that only those who are the worst off should talk about their problems. It only makes people feel worse. People should be able to talk about their problems - no matter how small - without being judged or having their problems compared to someone else's.

[TheCrowing]

I agree. I've always had people telling me.. "Oh, well it could be worse." or "Well at least it wasn't this...". A problem is still a problem, and it's sickening how someone can be dismissed so easily because another person thinks that his or her situation is more or less significant.

And honestly, for me at least, those small "insignificant" things build up and become an even bigger problem.

[Aintzane411]

I completely agree with you. For as long as I can remember, I've felt like I was never important enough because my problems were hardly anything compared to everyone else. I always just sucked it up because someone always had it worse. I still am like that a lot. But I'm starting to learn that a problem is a problem, and it doesn't matter if you compare my 20 scars to Jane Doe's 200 scars. A scar is a scar.

[Translucent]

If more people thought like you, the world would be such a better place. It doesn't matter what's "worse", if it matters to that person, then it should be important to their friends, family, or whoever else they may be confiding in. I hope that one day people realize that by brushing off somebody's feelings, they're just making that person slowly cut themselves off from anything that would ever help them.

[BlackandPurplePokidots]

i 100% completly agree........

[Dez]

I completely agree with this. I know that with my self harm, I don't admit it to people. My parents think I quit, but when they knew I did, they said I had a good life and have no reason to self harm, and I believe that, so I don't talk about it, or any of my problems because I'm afraid people will call them unimportant. But you're right, a problem's a problem and significance shouldn't matter.

[Palmolive]

At the same time I agree that self harm is self harm. its not healthy and its sad for someoen to hurt them selves on purpose. Someone doing it lightly is as bad as someone who's not.

However, if it gets severe, that person is more at risk to themselves. If they're going deep enough etc which could potentially put their life at risk, that needs to be looked at too.

[jaclax182b]

i awlays say my problems arent as bad as the people who i go to get help from but they either say that a problem is a problem or that my problems are actually pretty bad... but i never believe them, hardly any of them come to me for help... maybe its because they see that im dealing with alot of shit or that they need someone who has had worse problems to help... anyways i 100%agree

[Madeleine.Claire]

I totally agree with everything you said. I think it's sad that a lot of people feel like their problems aren't something they should feel bad about just because someone else has it "worse off". Everyone's problems are a big deal, to them.

Sadly though, I do the same thing where I say "oh well, but look at him, he has such a worse problem that I should shut up and stop complaining".

I used to self harm, (clean now, for awhile), and I felt like because it was so infrequent, and the cuts were so small, it wasn't a problem. It took me a long time to realize that no matter what, you shouldn't want to hurt yourself.

<3

[Kate*]

I mostly agree with you. Part of the reason I want to be a counselor is so I can help people with a wide range of problems and to help people understand that if something is a problem for someone, then it's a problem, end of story and just because I might've counseled someone with more serious issues doesn't make yours any less important (speaking in terms of the future)

At the same time, I think that knowing about someone else's problems can provide a different perspective on things. For example, someone might think that being punished or a break up is one of the worst things that could happen until they meet someone who has lost their parent or been in a car accident. Sometimes I think a little perspective can be a good thing.