i hate myself...

[jaclax182b]

I was in the hospital for a month and spent 3 recovering when I was only 9, when I came back from school I felt different than everyone else.the next year I was harrassed constantly by one child who thought he had the right because I was very small.almost everyone laughed when he made fun of me, even my friends some times.he left after that year, but ever since then i've felt alienated amongst my friends.i've felt like everyone around me is secretly laughing at me.now I cant take anything good in.if I recieve a compliment I twist words and try and degrade myself, and try and prove I'm nothing.when one girl tried to understand and tried to love me, she backed out after only nine days, she didnt like how quiet I was in person.i felt like that wasnt just it, that there was something wrong with me.the next summer another girl tried to love me as well.we stayed together for a month, but she felt like it was only a friendship and not a relationship.she left me and an hour later was giving a guy a handjob not even caring that I was a wreck.she said she made a mistake and took me back, but she then stood by her decision a month later and said we were better off friends.after this I cut myself three times.i then had to move to a school where there were 300 kids in my class, the biggest grade i'd ever been in was only 34.i felt like I didnt fit in and I felt like everyone was still laughing at me.i was almost silent for 2 months.then I became more outgoing and made some friends, but no one knew that I truly hated myself and didnt want to be around anyone.then an incredable girl came by and we had similar pasts and she understood everything that was happening to me.but after a month her feelings changed and she left.i cut twice after this and she found out.she still cared so she brought me to counseling.it only helped alittle but I still hate myself and I cant find anything good about me.why cant I be normal.why cant I be happy with myself.why does everyone seem to go out of their way to hurt me.help me...

[SoraKat]

Im here for you My names Sora, and i know how you feel.

you feel like people are always judging, always laughing, and you cant get over it because of what you experienced when you were younger.

But i need to tell you that thats not the way it actually is. People dont really see you that way. but its hard to get past it.

im not normal either...

I also see you are new on TeenHelp.


why dont you private message me?

Im here for ya k?

<3 Sora

[dredear]

Hey, I'm Dre. I know what your going through, I've been there(still am)
Pm me if you need to talk : )

[bipolar]

i've been there too. sucks right? but things aren't always how they seem. youre better than they are... okay? PM me if you wanna!

[justfallinginlove]

I know how your feeling...it flat out sucks. But it sounds like youve got a good friend in this girl and shes trying to help you. Let her help you. And hey, im not normal either, normal is boring PM me if u ever want to talk. Im here for ya <3

[runnaire]

Even though you may feel extremely lonely at times, you are never alone. I read your post and I experience similar feelings. I am extremely quiet and I just wish I could be more outgoing and happy and have an air that draws people in. But I don't because it's kinda scary to be bold.
Let your friends help you. That girls seems like a nice girl.
Please don't hesitate to PM me if you would like to talk. I am new to this site.