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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Lawrah Offline
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I dont wanna be like that again! - March 14th 2009, 02:31 PM

i posted a blog about how much i was ashamed of my scars, i promised myself i wouldnt go down that road again. i was even go and buy some cream to get rid of the scars, yes, recovering was very hard for me, but i did it; for my sake not anyone elses!
that was about christmas time when i stoppped, i was dpoing very well,
but some chav at my school did it, and she had a bandage onit :/ she was going around showing everyone saying shes turning emo, or basicly taking the piss :/

it just triggered me. io got home, i couldnt take it anymore, i waited till i was alone, smashed my sharperning and took the blade out, and just cut, the feel of the blood tickling down my arm made me feel crazy, and wanted to do it more ... almost as if a .. turn on :/

i did quite alot too, i told one person, i barely know him, but i trust him :/ iv met him once, and he's really nice. he said i didnt want to stop because it was the adrenaline,

i just constanty erged to do it again!

i have to wear a dress on monday, and i have no long sleeved tops, just hoodies and wrist bands, but school tell you to take them off, and i cant constanty wear my hoodies.

eurgh, im really annoyed with myself tbh, i thought i could control myself better than that.

i dont really come on here, my msn would be better; trashyvengeance@hotmail.co.uk thanks.



I met a girl who hated the world - she used her body to sell her soul;
Everytime they'd break her and pay - tear out her heart, and leave her in pain;
I never found out how she survived all of the sadness she kept inside;
I never found out how she could lie with a smile on her face;
and the scratches she'd hide (8)
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I dont wanna be like that again! *triggering* - March 14th 2009, 04:43 PM

Hey, Lawrah. I'm sorry that kid triggered you...attention-whores are the worst. Don't let people like that bother you-- you're so much better then them! Also, you've got a track record to keep up; you've stopped once already so you can do it again. Take care of the cuts (neosporin, washing daily, moisturizing, scar treatment when they heal enough) and remind yourself how much better it is when you don't have to constantly be afraid of someone seeing your cuts. You'll have so much more control when you get ahold of yourself again, you don't have to go back to what you were. You CAN quit again.

As for the dress, if you're absolutely not allowed to wear anything that would hide the cuts, you might have to suffer through wearing your hoodie all day unless you can ask for permission to wear a pretty light sweater or something to cover your arms? I don't know whether it's possible but it might be worth a shot. You can get through this, don't worry.

I know you don't get on here often, but I don't get online for email/im often so PM me if you ever want to talk. My email, though, is mellomorissa@yahoo.com I check it about weekly, but if you let me know then i'll check it more often. Take care of yourself, and good luck!


When you say "never", I'll say "lie"
When you say "always", I'll say "true"
When you say "love", I'll say "you"
I'll say "you"

It gets better.
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I dont wanna be like that again! *triggering* - March 14th 2009, 05:05 PM

I know you may not get on to read this but I was thinking about how to get around this... have your friends not got any long-sleeved tops or jackets that you could ask to borrow? X
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  (#4 (permalink)) Old
Gidig Offline
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Re: I dont wanna be like that again! *triggering* - March 14th 2009, 07:55 PM

Hey,

First off, I'm going to take the *triggering* part out of your title, and add a prefix, which is an option you can choose when making a thread, instead of having to put it in the title.

You really just need to find out what makes you stop. Why do you go on not cutting? And stick with that reason, and don't let go of it.
Try alternatives and distractions, just to get yourself calmed down, and your mind set differently than when you're in the mood to self harm. It's easier said than done, but it's most definitely possible.

Good luck!
Maria.



The best wayout is always through~
-Robert Frost

Proud member of the LGBT community.

   
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
Lawrah Offline
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Re: I dont wanna be like that again! - March 15th 2009, 11:00 AM

Well thanks, and now i wont be on msn.
Im sneaking on my computer now,

my mam told me to take my hoodie off, so i did, and i put my arm to my chest so she didnt see, i tryed to walk away as quickly as i could ... but then she asked if i was hiding out :/ she i obv, had to show her,
she didnt go mad, probly because this is the 4th time shes caught me,
i had to make up some shit exuse to make it look like a one off, so now my mam owns a permannt grudge against one of my ex's :/

so if il be on this, it will be at school and that



I met a girl who hated the world - she used her body to sell her soul;
Everytime they'd break her and pay - tear out her heart, and leave her in pain;
I never found out how she survived all of the sadness she kept inside;
I never found out how she could lie with a smile on her face;
and the scratches she'd hide (8)
   
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
*Jen* Offline
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Re: I dont wanna be like that again! - March 15th 2009, 01:51 PM

Hey Lawrah,
I am sorry to hear about this. I think you did great to give up self harm before, which shows you can do it again. It is one of the most difficult things to do to give up self harm, but you can do it! It won't be easy but you have already shown that you can do it. You might have slip ups along the way, but I guess what really matters is how you pick yourself up afterwards. With your dress would you be able to wear lots of bracelets and perhaps use some make up on them. Or I am not sure what type of dress it is but you can get those scarfs to go round your arms. The other option is to wear a cardigan or borrow one off someone if you haven't got one. Stay strong :-)
   
  (#7 (permalink)) Old
Gidig Offline
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Re: I dont wanna be like that again! - March 15th 2009, 05:42 PM

Hey-

I'm really sorry about what happened. Maybe you could talk to your mom about what's really bothering you? Or take this opportunity to ask for help from a therapist or something if you haven't already. They can really help. And since obviously this isn't a new problem, your mom would hopefully be willing to help you out so it doesn't happen again.

Maria.



The best wayout is always through~
-Robert Frost

Proud member of the LGBT community.

   
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