Admiting

[runnaire]

I just made this account around an hour ago. I come to this site a lot and read what people write. I think it is good community.
I NEVER, EVER, NEVER, EVER told anyone that I cut myself. I never told my best friend, my parents, or an adult. I don't cut myself a lot. maybe every few months. I cut my stomach where no one can see. It is really easy to hide the scars on my stomach. I usually wear one piece suits when I go swimming.
I cut when I feel lonely and angry. I'll go into the shower and cut and cut and cut and then afterwards i'm like, "holy crap what did I just do to myself?"
The first time I cut was 14. I was in gym class with 3 friends and they were very excluding. I never felt so worthless. I didn't understand why my friends were suddenly leaving me behind. Instead of talking about it, I blamed myself for being weird and unattractive. I punished myself with the scissor. I use the same nail scissor every time.
I don't know how people find the courage to tell an adult or their friend that they cut. I would never tell anyone, but lately I feel like I'm on edge.
I'm afraid I have minor problems and I am over reacting and people will be mad at me.
I know I have low self confidence. I used to be bullied a lot in elementary school because of my weight. I lost the extra weight in middle school, but I'm 17 now and the 4th grade harassment still hurts when I think about it.
I don't speak a lot because I'm afraid people will think I'm stupid. For example, when I speak to a co worker who I don't know very well I just mumble and I only end up embarrassing myself.
I know I am just rambling now, but I don't know what I should do. I start to panic when I think about telling someone. It took me 4 years to finally type out I CUT MYSELF on the internet. That day is today.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

[The_Princess]

Oh, this is one of the hardest things I've ever tried to face. You and I are very much alike. The beauty of this is that you at least admitted to yourself that you have a problem. And admitting it to someone else is so much harder. I had been a very depressed, low self esteem, and self harm child for at least a couple of years. And the only person I could tell was my god-mom. But never face to face. Only in IMing. At one point i started to keep a journal. One day, my mother came across them and read them. Yet she still doesn't know everything.

So maybe you should try writing a letter to your mom, dad, or trusted adult, and give it to them. It's a bit easier than face to face. Or another idea: Everytime you self harm, write it down with the time and date and just let someone get a hold of it after a while...Try some stuff out and feel free to PM me if you ever need any help. I'm happy to!

[Palmolive]

Hey there.

Admitting to anyone that you self harm can b e really difficult for a lot of people and I am really proud of you for making an account just today and then coming and posting this thread to tell us. That's a really brave thing to do

Have you thought about maybe printing what you have written of and giving it to someone such as a teacher, social worker (if you have one) or a doctor? These people are people who care about you and can help you by finding support for you. I know it's hard but you can't carry on self harming for ever, things need to change and they can as long as you take action.

I hope this helps.
Jessie

[tamz]

Hey,
First off, welcome to the site, I hope you find it as warm and welcoming as I have.
Well done on writing that here. It must have been so hard for you and you've taken an amazing first step in helping yourself
Is it that you want to stop self harming or just want to tell someone? Like Jessie and Tristyn have suggested, I think it would be a good idea to write a letter / print this off and give it to someone you trust. Before you do that though, I think you need to decide what it is you want from them and how it will affect you if they react badly. A lot of people are upset and don't understand when they first find out someone they know is self harming. But it's not because they don't care, they're just worried about you. Don't be disheartened if they do react badly, just give them a bit of time to get used to the idea.
If it's giving up you want to do, have you checked out the alternatives thread;

http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f12-s...ves-self-harm/

I wish you all the best in overcoming this obstacle and we're all here with you. There's always someone around willing to help you
PM or VM me if you ever want to chat

[runnaire]

Thank you for understanding. It's a weird situation. Sometimes I want to stop self harming and then somedays I feel like I need to do it. I know I'm not alone when it comes to feeling depressed and lonely. Other people feel that way too, it's just-if I ever told anyone they would never expect it from me.
I used to have a friend who told me she was depressed. I couldn't believe it because she was incredibly outgoing and she loved to sing and act on stage. I never spoke to her about it and we drifted apart the past few months.
So I feel like if I told someone I cut they wouldn't want to believe me because I seem like the last person who would do that to myself. I don't think I am depressed though.
I looked at the alternatives and i was saw a lot of stuff I actually do. It just really sucks living with my secret. It makes me feel so heavy and dark and I don't want that anymore.
I don't know if I can muster up the guts to write a letter. I do keep a journal, and if anyone ever read it I would be extremely embarrassed, but then they would know everything.
So thank you for your help. This is the first time I felt truly comfortable to admit this.