Triggering (SH): Please help?:\

[Lovespentinthedark]

So,
I've started cutting again :\
I thought I could control it if I just scratched myself or hit myself hard enough to bruise, but I couldn't. I keep a razor blade with me in the car so that I can pull over onto a deserted road and do it. I can't do it at home because my mom always goes through my room and she comes in without knocking when I'm in here. My dad... He is just... Him...
My boyfriend would NOT be happy with me if he found out. I've been doing it on my leg because I have to wear short sleeves for work. I did get (accidentally, actually) cut on the top of my arm by something at work and it was pretty bad. I got my arm caught on something sharp and when I tried to pull away, it just dug in. That was about 2 days ago. So yesterday and today, I've been reopening the wound.
I have stopped having sex with my boyfriend because of my leg. He would find out immediately, obviously. He is the most understanding guy though. He ALWAYS says that if I don't want to have sex, we will not have sex. He has never made me do anything I don't want to, thankfully.
Being afraid of men is another reason I cut, so that is nice to have him around.
Please help...? I don't know if I can stop this time. I haven't actually done it this bad since about March or something like that. Now, I'm back. But I refuse to go back to the hospital or rehab and I am seeing a new therapist now because my other one basically vanished off the face of the earth (she quit one day and hasn't been back). So, I don't even know her and I am going to have to basically start all over again with the therapist.
Just please give me some advice or some helpful words. I think I just really need to hear them right now :\
I also might be pregnant, so if I am, I know that I will be cutting myself horribly. I don't know how much more I can take before I breakdown. :\

[kat12]

Hey there, im new here so i feel a little weird posting but hang in there and stay strong. Try to deal with things one at a time thats always what helps me. There is a sticky of alteratives to SHing. If you need anything you can message me ... hope this helped

[Revolution]

The first thing I would do is be honest with your boyfriend. You said he's supportive, and you need somebody through this time. He can dispose of the razors for you, and everything can be done more safely. Is there a therapist in your area you can change to? You need support, especially if rehab and hospitalizations have been in your past, it is unfair that by her quitting you have to suffer on your own.
As the above post said, there is also an alternatives page: http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f12-s...ves-self-harm/
I hope this helps, and stay strong! I know you can quit again! PM me if you ever need!