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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
gymnastxxLeah Offline
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Question please explain this to me! - August 7th 2011, 12:58 AM

i do not SH. but i have a friend who does. we are REALLY close... he's one of my best friends. he's only just started cutting, and although it's serious we're convinced its just a phase because he's a hot/cold kinda guy, and so am i which is why we work. anyway... our friend Miceala has some really suspicious scars on her hands and around her knees. they're definitely man-made. i asked her, and she confessed to cutting herself. i feel so surrounded in all of this, but Miceala is not the kind of girl who would do it once and then move on. she's one of those take-it-to-life girls. anyways. i asked her why she did it. she said "Oh well... i guess its just relaxing." and she didn't sound really sure. so i did a little spying (UGH im a horrible person!!) and then found out this: Everyone loves her. seriously! this is a girl who loves all and is loved by all. no one hates this chick! i go to her house to hang and study all the time and her parents are really supportive of whatever she does and stuff and her older brother (hes four years older than us) is really nice. they're pretty close. like... if she told him she wanted to have sex he'd provide the birth control. if she told him she wanted to sneak out and go to a wild party he'd cover for her. etc. he's THAT cool brother that usually exist only in movies. so that means theres absolutely no reason for her to cut herself, because she has great friends, a great family, a great boyfriend, and she's not chubby, and even she knows she's one of the prettiest girls like ever. this girl is literally perfect... which is irritatingly un-annoying... anyways. theres no reason for her to cut herself other than the ONE conclusion that i've come to after hours of research and spying (UGH!). and that is: ATTENTION! she's doing it for attention. which makes no sense. as i said. perfect. people pay just the right amount of attention to perfect people. i mean... she never slips up. like EVER. i know. its insane! so then i did some MORE research and (UGH) spying. and i came to one last conclusion. she's doing it because our friend (We'll call him george?) is doing it. yes thats right. its the only thing that i can think of. she's cutting herself because george is?

so please explain: DOES THIS MAKE ANY SENSE AT ALL!? because im going out of my mind coming up with a reason why. the sooner i do that the sooner i can help her. i know why george is doing that, and i am working on fixing it.XD anyways... is there any possible way that shes cutting because he is. theyre close too... any input would REALLY help! thankS! sorry its so longg...


I wanna fly. So I do gymnastics instead.

I'll just keep holding on to what i believe and oh I believe in you. Give me the strength for the fight and the heart to believe cause I've got to believe in you. I feel so alive.

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Re: please explain this to me! - August 7th 2011, 01:14 AM

Hey Leah, while it's entirely possible that she's doing it for attention, that usually isn't the reason that people do it. There are no perfect people in the world, even if it looks that way from the outside. She might be dealing with something that you don't know about and cutting can have the relaxing effect that she said it had. It would also help to know when she started, did she start around the same time he did? If so attention would be more likely. Also, as much as you want to help both her and George you can't fix what's going on, you can provide support when they need it, but it will be up to them to deal with the reason(s) they're doing it, whatever those may be.


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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
gymnastxxLeah Offline
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Re: please explain this to me! - August 7th 2011, 02:41 AM

so you're sure that i can't just make their problems vanish to the point where they wont feel the need to cut. cause im kinda like that... when theres a problem a friend has going on and it causes them pain like that... i get rid of the problem. and we've been friends for a while so i know her pretty well... we kinda tell each other everything. and if her brother notices something in the family or something he tells me cause he's a really good brother... there's gotta be something i can do isn't there? sorry these are all probably stupid questions... but thankss aanyways.


I wanna fly. So I do gymnastics instead.

I'll just keep holding on to what i believe and oh I believe in you. Give me the strength for the fight and the heart to believe cause I've got to believe in you. I feel so alive.

PeacewithImperfection
   
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Re: please explain this to me! - August 7th 2011, 03:42 AM

These aren't stupid questions don't worry. It's good that you are so close to people and that you care about them so much that you want to fix everything for them, but unfortunately everybody has freewill and they won't stop unless they really want to and they're willing to figure out why they're doing it and deal with the problem(s) in another, more productive way. I used to be the same way, I wanted to fix everybody's problems, but I eventually realized that there was only so much I could do for someone because they had to make their own choices.


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Re: please explain this to me! - August 7th 2011, 03:58 AM

I think it's great you want to help her and try to stop her from cutting, that shows you're a great friend and that you're very supportive. I'm not sure if she's doing it for attention or not, only she knows that, but as was mentioned before, usually people that cut have a reason for cutting, it's not because they just want to, they probably are covering things up that they can't explain or that they've explained but that are being ignored. I know it's hard to see her going through this, but the best thing you can do is be there for her and let her know you're availe to talk to if she needs anyone.
Everyone can fall apart and everyone can lose control or feel like they aren't in control or as if they've got a horrible life and are worthless and everyone has problems that people on the outside can't see, like she could feel like everything is to much for her, to fast pace, like there's just not enough time for everything she wants to do in life. Only she knows why she cuts and if she said it's relaxing, that could be because it gives a sort of calming affect if she's feeling overwhelmed and burnt out. It's something she can control and if she feels like she can't control her life, she'll control her cutting.
I hope this helps. If you ever need anything, you can PM me, I'm always very glad to help.


"i don't care your intentions. I just want you to know my self-hatred never took me where I wanted to go. At the end of the day...I can pick at the pain but I can't cut it away."
   
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Re: please explain this to me! - August 7th 2011, 04:26 AM

Maybe she feels a good amount of pressure to do well and be this "perfect" person that everyone makes her out to be. When I was thin, one of my best friends at the time always asked me the same questions you did. So what if I can get along with everyone, so what if I have a decent home life? That doesn't mean that there aren't other pressures out in the world, if that makes sense. The pressure to do well is a terrible thing sometimes, and maybe she might have something going on that she likes to keep to herself. Something in her past, or something that is very personal.


"Although only breath, words which I command are immortal." Sappho

"Sometimes I feel nothing at all. Sometimes I feel everything is my fault.
Sometimes I feel the hate break my mind. Sometimes I feel they deserve it this time.
May the bridges I burn light my way." - I, Alone - Otep

   
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Re: please explain this to me! - August 7th 2011, 01:52 PM

No one is ever perfect. Like others have said, she could have something going on that you aren't aware of. As far as attention, it IS possible but I doubt it because I feel she'd probably be more open about it. If you had to "spy" on her to find anything out, she's probably trying to hide it. There might not be anything you can do really. First thing I think would be to stop spying on her, no one likes that kind of invasion of privacy. Second, you could try talking to her. If it gets bad and she still doesn't stop, then you should tell either her brother or her parents what's going on.

Also, keep in mind that these aren't YOUR problems to "fix" and that you might not be able to "fix" george either.



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gymnastxxLeah Offline
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Re: please explain this to me! - August 7th 2011, 03:15 PM

okay. i guess i'll try being there for them both... i just hate having something so painful that i can't fix. im not perfect by any means and not as close as her, so this answer seems to make the most sense... but i think she's perfect just how she is without trying she just doesn't seem to see that.
thankks though.


I wanna fly. So I do gymnastics instead.

I'll just keep holding on to what i believe and oh I believe in you. Give me the strength for the fight and the heart to believe cause I've got to believe in you. I feel so alive.

PeacewithImperfection
   
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Re: please explain this to me! - August 7th 2011, 08:22 PM

SH is more or less one of those things that you have to fix yourself. Of course, getting help could be a great choice, but the change comes from within the person. Why don't you stop focusing on fixing the situation, but instead focus on helping with the situation. That way, maybe it will be a bit easier on them, and you won't feel as conflicted.

Getting help is sometimes the scariest thing, but I think that everyone could use help sometimes.


"Although only breath, words which I command are immortal." Sappho

"Sometimes I feel nothing at all. Sometimes I feel everything is my fault.
Sometimes I feel the hate break my mind. Sometimes I feel they deserve it this time.
May the bridges I burn light my way." - I, Alone - Otep

   
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