He saw the cuts

[MacGuffin]

It was inevitable that my boyfriend would see the new cuts I made, but I hadn't anticipated the look on his face when he saw them. Just...like the life went out of him. He looked so upset and so sad and so disappointed. He skipped work out of sheer worry for me last night. And when I woke up this morning, he still had that same sad look on his face, like the light had gone out of his eyes.

He says there is nothing I can do to make him feel better about it. We can't go swimming, we can't have sex, we can't do the things we normally do. He says he was trying to give me an opportunity to change, but I just threw it back in his face by doing the thing he told me not to do ten times worse.

Cutting is ruining my relationship. And a big part of me doesn't want to stop. And that scares me.

[Thirteen]

Well, part of you does want to stop too.

First question (though it may seem like an odd one): Does your boyfriend understand anything about cutting?
I have been working on quitting self-harm for the past several months (though I've had slip-ups), and my boyfriend has been fully supportive. But one time, when I slipped up, he was really upset. Not being a cutter, he doesn't understand that it can be addictive. So, I showed him some resources online, meant to help family/friends of someone who is self-harming to understand it, rather than just say "stop doing that". Because, well, as I'm sure you know, that doesn't help.
Here are some resources you should have him look at:
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/self_injury.htm I found this site when talking to my boyfriend about the topic.
How Friends Can Help.

Second point, are you seeing a therapist, counselor, or somebody that is helping you through this? You say part of you doesn't want to quit. But, that means a part DOES as well, right? If you're not getting help with this, it might be something to consider. If you are, well, talk to them.

[Palmolive]

Hey there.

Perhaps Thirteen is right, does he know much about why you self harm? If not you could show him some things from offline or you could try writing him a letter. Explain how you feel, what you feel before you self harm, what you feel while your self harm and what you feel after. That you might work towards stopping one day but right now you don't feel ready but need his support to get there. Explain what it is about the self harm you need.

I know its hard but hopefully he will come around and give you the support that you really need at the moment. Are you getting help from any professional? Because if you're not it could well be something worth looking in to. People can help you as long as you reach out to them.

I know things are rough for you right now but you can beat them and get out the other side. You're worth so much more than self harm and you don't for one second deserve the pain you are putting yourself through.

I hope this helps.
Jessie

[bitesize]

Thirteen is really right. Does he understand how addictive cutting is to a self-harmer?? A lot of people don't, and take it as a personal attack when someone they're close to cuts. I'm really sorry you're going through this love because I went through something very similar a few years ago and wish I could help more. I really hope you're ok.xxxxx

[escape_thereal_world]

My boyfriend reacted the same way when he still didn't understand self-harm. He still doesn't "understand" but he understands it is hard for ME. He has told me if I do not get help, we won't work.

But since he knows I try to find alternatives and it is my "safe-zone", he says he sees I am trying to stop and has been supportive since. Also, I recently started counseling, which he is extremely relieved about.

Talk to him. Discuss it with him. If you need anything, please PM me.

-Kelly

[Le bonheur*]

I'm sorry he reacted the way he did and you feel as though cutting is ruining your relationship.

It seems as though he doesn't truly understand why you're self-harming. It also seems he doesn't understand that cutting is highly addictive and he needs to understand that. I believe he's concerned about your well-being which is why he's so disappointed.

Hang in there<3

[MacGuffin]

Well, excuse my language, but fuck. We had a really big fight today, and we almost broke up this afternoon. Basically he told me I can't cut for six months or else he's leaving me. In other words, the next time I cut, he's gone. He says he can't do this anymore because it hurts him too much. The reason we almost broke up is because I told him I don't know if I can stop. I ended up telling him I'd try, just to keep him, but I feel like it's a losing battle. I feel like each time I touch him or laugh with him is going to be my last. It's a terrible feeling.

I cannot being to describe that state this has put me in. I just want to crawl in a hole and die somewhere. I'm thinking about suicide again, all I want to do is cut to make it better. And I can't, because if I do, I lose him. It means I chose cutting over him.

[Thirteen]

Seriously, just try showing him those links. If he has a better understanding, it'll be easier for him to either accept that it'll be hard for you to get through this, or to even help you.

My boyfriend used to have bad reactions (such as getting a bit frustrated, and overall just having a demeanor about it that further upset me), until I helped him understand what it's like for me, and others who also self-harm. Now, when I slip up, he doesn't yell. He doesn't get angry with me. Instead, he'll just hold me close and tell me that it's alright, and that he still loves me.

Helping your boyfriend see things through your eyes will hopefully get him to change how he feels when you slip up, and not put you under so much pressure.