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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Saria Offline
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My parents found out.... - August 25th 2011, 12:04 PM

So my parents found out that I self-harm. I know this happens a lot to a lot of people and its nothing new but it is still a really big issue for me.

When we went out to this celebration thing for my sister my parents saw the cuts on my wrists.

Now I seem to blaming myself for not having them covered and feeling like it is all my fault that they have found out. I just hate myself and want to cut so bad!!

So once we got home they confronted me about and I basically wouldn't tell them anything. I told them to stay out of my business and that I was seeing a psychologist so it didn't matter.

That obviously wasn't good enough for them. They wanted to know answers to all these questions that I didn't even know the answer to myself so there was no way I could tell them. They were the typical questions like: What do you want to achieve by this? What do you think this is going to help?

I kept trying to leave but it wasn't working, and I ended up asking what they wanted from me. They said that they wanted me to tell them that I wouldn't do it again and desperate to leave I said I wouldn't, but I don't think I can stick to that.

They said that my actions had consequences and wanted me to give them a reason why they shouldn't admit me to a mental health hospital. They said that I better not do it again unless I wanted that to happen and that they would strip me down daily to check.

They wanted to know when I had done it, but I wouldn't tell them. They said that I must have done it that afternoon because they hadn't been there when I first got home from school and had taken my jumper off. I told them that they were wrong and that they had been there but I didn't tell them when I had done it.

After that I ended up going upstairs I was an absolute mess. I wanted to cut so badly but I managed to refrain because I didn't want to be admitted to hospital for it.

It just really got to me becasue they were so angry about it and they didn't even really care. I mean when I told the deputy principal about it at school, and one of my teachers and some other supports I have, they were completely understanding and were sincerely concerned and wanted to help me but my parents were the complete opposite.

I just don't know what to do. I can't just stop overnight. I was really trying to overcome it and I was getting a lot of support and everything, but now.... my parents telling me not to do it makes me want to do it so much more and they aren't motivation for me to stop at all because the way they abuse me is what started it in the first place. I just don't know what to do. I mean I have managed not to for the last day since it happened but I can't keep refraining for any longer.

Does anyone have any advice? What should I do? HELP!


"Feeling Change - Memories Don't"
"Enjoy the Moment and don't let it end"
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
"He comforts us when we are in trouble, so that we can share that same comfort with others in trouble." 2 Corinthians 1:4
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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: My parents found out.... - August 25th 2011, 04:52 PM

Dear lord. Your parents are not handling this very well at all.

"Stripping you down" to check for cuts is wrong, and threatening you with a "Mental hopsital" is wrong. Asking "What it helps" is wrong.

They obvioulsy don't understand what cutting is about. I think you should educate them. Start gathering websites that give facts about cutting, and why people who cut are not crazy, and healthy ways of treating cutting. Gather at least twenty sources and write a three page essay. One about what cutting is in general.
The second about why you personally cut.
A third about treatments you've read that you think will work for you.

Present this to your parents, I realize you were probably embarassed or ashamed, and you felt they had no reason to be bothering you. In truth they probably don't. However they have found out, and by not telling them anything they don't know much about cutting, so they've done what any average person would do, they ask you to quit cold turkey because you are "Wrong" and threaten to send you away if you don't comply. They are ignorant about it because you chose not to talk to them. I would recomend doing a report, and education them, and explaining how unreasonable and cruel their demands are. You feel prosecuted and if you could do it again you would hide your scars that night and kept it a secret if you knew their reaction would be so extreme. You chose not to tell them anything, but you told your teachers and explained it. The reactions are different.

You also mentioned your parents "Abuse you" do you mean this in a literal sense (They are intimidating, constantly berate you, say psychologically damaging things, hit you, etc?) or do you feel it's more like an abuse of power (Making you do a seemingly ungodly amount of chores, nagging you, patronizing you, acting as though they know better in each and every situation?) the first is illegal and you could threaten to report them the same way they threaten to send you to a mental institute if reasoning with them does not work. The second is just bad parenting and you have to help teach them to be better parents.

Sorry this got so long. I want you to know you are not alone, you can get through this, and you can PM me if you ever need someone to talk to. I'm on for a couple hours each day, so chances are you won't have to wait more than 24 hours.

- Justin



"Buy it, use it, break it, fix it,
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Charge it, point it, zoom it, press it,
Snap it, work it, quick, erase it,
Write it, cut it, paste it, save it,
Load it, check it, quick, rewrite it"
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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: My parents found out.... - August 25th 2011, 07:40 PM

Hi there,

I think parents are always going to find it difficult to deal with the fact that their children are struggling and that they are feeling so unhappy that they would want to physically harm themselves.
I know they aren't handling this well right now, and that's probably because this wasn't something they expected to discover and they are probably in shock over this right now.

Obviously them coming across all confrontational about the situation is not going to help your recovery.
Now your parents know I think you should try to use this to help your recovery, rather than hinder it.
Speak to them maturely and calmly and try to explain to them why you self harm, also explain to them what they can do to help you. That may be by asking how you're feeling and honestly asking you how much you think you're coming along.

Self-harm is difficult to over come and you have to understand everyone does have relapses and the most important thing is to continue on your journey and eventually become self-harm free.

I'm here if you ever need to talk.
Paige
   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: My parents found out.... - August 26th 2011, 07:11 AM

My parents completely understand what self-harm is. My older brother (their favorite) went through the same stuff and they know all about it. My mum has also done it a lot, not only when she was younger but a few years ago too.

My parents abuse me by emotionally abusing me, and physically. I quite often get hit by them, belittled, put-down, threatened etc. I have also told others about this and Department of Child Safety know but unfortuantly they're not doing much to stop it.

And as for using the fact they know to stop... that isn't going to happen. That is not at all any motivation for me to stop. If anything it makes me want to do it more to show them that they can't control me.

I have been trying though and before they found out I am been managing my urges but now it is really hard again. I ended up cutting last night. They haven't checked me yet though and I am really scared.


"Feeling Change - Memories Don't"
"Enjoy the Moment and don't let it end"
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
"He comforts us when we are in trouble, so that we can share that same comfort with others in trouble." 2 Corinthians 1:4
PM me anytime
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Re: My parents found out.... - August 28th 2011, 01:49 AM

I would strongly suggest sitting down your parents and try to talk to them and be open (I know it's really hard to do).Maybe not explain the full reason why you do it,but tell them you used to use it to help deal with stress and it developed into a habbit that you're now trying to stop.Explain to them how you're trying to stop,what things you're doing instead of cutting.Explain to them that you're seeing a psychologist and you have other people to talk to as well.Stress to them that you're trying to stop and that it's harder to do with them making a big deal of it.Maybe suggest ways of them helping you,like maybe you can ask them if when you're stressed out (about other things not parent related) if you can talk to one of them (or maybe you're brother if you guys are close).

Unfortunatly communication is the only way of getting them off your back.The more you push away from them the more they will hound you.

Good luck and if you ever need to talk leave me a message


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I'm a freak and my best friend is a pirate-ninja-dinosaur,what a unique friendship!

My heart is so numb,that I can't feel it breaking


   
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
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Re: My parents found out.... - August 28th 2011, 06:16 PM

My parents were exactly the same as yours!!!!
My mum freaked out so bad and dragged me by my self harm arm to the gym where my dad was and shouted it infront of him that i was self harming so the whole gym heard... i had to do an hour in the gym with everyone looking at me.... she compared me to addicts, screamed at me saying i will get taken away and put in a mental home and everything....

i know how hard it is to not give up overnight and thats what my parents wanted too. They will freak out over you self harming though because you are their little daughter and you are precious to them. I am not making excuses for your parents, but they will be scared. I know it sounds selfish but they will think that it is their fault and that they have done something wrong and that they are bad parents when in reality you know it's not.

will your psychologist be able to have a word with them about what is going on? I think your parents just need to know the facts about why you self harm as you don't know how to put it into words. Your psychologist may be able to put it all in words for you so that she can make your parents understand and be more supportive. They need to know why you do it and the fact that you can't just stop overnight!

If not then try writing a letter to your parents if you find it easier putting things in words? Or maybe you could look online for answers, print them off then leave them somewhere where your parents will be able to see it?

Keep your chin up, things will get better


You don't know about my past, and
I don't have a future figured out.
And maybe this is going too fast.
And maybe it's not meant to last,


I AM A BANANA



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