Triggering (SH): So disappointed with myself.

[Liz94]

Last night after 7 months and 9 days of SH freedom I gave in. I am so disappointed with myself.

I am finding the start of yr 12 and As stressful as well as there already been problems in my freindship group which I thought we had grown out of. For example on friend is annoyed at me for spending my break times with another friend. It is sooo imature. Things just got too much last night and I found my self self harming, I was in what I can only discribe as a trance like in the bubble of SH and I couldn't fight it.

I have told only one friend who was upset and sad for me, but she is there for me and made me promise I would text her if I wanted to SH again.

I do want to SH again, yes I am disappointed, but now that I have done it once and it is the end of summer I really am struggling to find the reasons why I shouldn't turn this slip up into a relapse. Self harming last night means that the release it gives, the sensation is fresh in my mind and I am yearning for it. I want it so badly.

I am pretty sure that I have and am struggling with another depression, but I don't really care, I don't really care about alot of things that I used to. I don't care if I SH too deeply and die, I don't care if I can't sleep. I am not bothered.

I posted this as well I guess I wanted to read what I post and knock myself out of this, but I have just read it and I like....oh well that is just me.. I am Liz the lesbain cutter and that is how I will be remembered so why fight anymore...I am just going to let myself fall into the cycle of SH again.....

[AngelWithASecret]

Hey Elizabeth

I can definitely understand how hard you're taking this and how hard everything is right now. The most important thing is to not beat yourself up about slipping up. We all do it from time to time and it's a part of our recovery. Slipping up every now and then is ok

I'm sure you know that SH really isn't a good thing to get into and it can be become lethal if you're not careful. Would you really want to waste your life like that? Think of all the opportunities that will happen in your life. When we take all that into consideration we realise that SH just isn't worth the hassle. Yes it gives us a temporary release but what about the overall picture? SH really doesn't change anything.

I'm sure you've discovered the list of alternatives here but if you haven't here they are : http://www.teenhelp.org/alternatives . The alternatives are great and they will help you to get through any urges that you may have. I'm sure you've even found some things that already work for you. Just keep doing them and you will get through this

Have you tried talking to anyone about how you're feeling lately? If you do have depression, it is important that you get help for it. It'll only get worse and worse if you do nothing about it.

I really hope I've helped, even a slight bit

[Discombobulated]

Hey Liz,

I'm really sorry things are rough for you at the moment, but try not to be too hard on yourself for slipping up, we all slip up sometimes. Learn from it and keep going, those 7 months were brilliant and i have all faith in you that you can do this: stay strong and believe in yourself.

As you already know SH is dangerous and a vicious cycle, and it is great that you were trying to stop, don't stop trying now, hang in there. I've just started year 12 too and i know how stressful it is, but perhaps talk to a teacher or family member about how you are feeling, someone that can help and support you through this.

I know you can get through this hun and you know i am always here if you ever want to talk, you are amazing girl.

Stay strong and hang in there,

Charli <3