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mmaaddiiiee Offline
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Exclamation close friend needs help? - September 8th 2011, 03:26 AM

well, i met this girl this year and she and i became really close. shes the kind of person thats anything but normal- and not in the bad way. she wears crazy outfits to school (tutus, rainbows.plaid.checkers outfit), shes really loud and outgoing and speaks her mind alll the time. she is probably the funniest person i know and super nice, too! if i could describe her in one word- well, i couldnt, she is so interesting, but overall she is just generally a bubbly person and i love her to death. however, she has expressed that she has a lot of secrets, and not all of them are positive. she broke up with her boyfriend a couple of months ago but is really still heartbroken about it. he moved away, too, so she never sees him anymore. she really really liked him. theres these times when im talking to her and shes just a totally different person. really quiet, moody and sad. she doesnt laugh as much during those times and i just feel really horrible because i try to cheer her up but nothing helps her. today i was sitting next to her and she was wearing this shirt that kind of hung off on shoulder so the sleeve covered her wrist up, but when she reached for something, i saw a bunch of cuts. i was talking about it with her other close friend and she said i should just wait to tell someone, and see if it was just this one time. i really doubt it was, though, because she seems a lot less bubblier nowadays then she did a few months ago. i was thinking that maybe i could bring my other friend and we could go talk to the counselor or vp at our school tomorrow. im really scared that shes gonna get mad at me for telling someone because i dont think she wants anyone to know and i dont want to lose her as a friend. im not sure what to do, any advice? ;/
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Re: close friend needs help? - September 8th 2011, 04:11 AM

Hey there. Welcome to the site!!

I think we've all been in a similar situation--knowing that it was best to mention something when someone is in harm's way, but wondering how it would work out in terms of the person's relationship with you. Here's my perspective: although things like this tend to be something that most want kept private, it's best to report it so that the person can get help. Reporting that your friend may be causing herself harm is an act of love and kindness, even though it may not seem like it at the time. Most friends come around in the end and realize that even though you broke their trust, you really did help them. I bet she will eventually appreciate it. I can relate to this firsthand--a few months ago I became VERY concerned about one of my friends...he appeared on edge, and a couple things he said made me have a gut feeling that he may have been suicidal. I was left with two options: ignore my feelings and hope I was wrong, or try to ensure his safety by calling the police. I chose the latter. It was a while before he found out, as I was unable to provide them with an exact address for his home, but after they did come by and check in on him, he was furious and essentially said he hated me and I was awful and just made everything worse and yada yada. So I apologized to him, let him be for a week or two...and then we eventually had a talk one night, I again apologized, and explained that I was only trying to look out for him. He said something like "I know, Chris. I know. It's okay". And now I think our friendship is about as strong as it has always been.

I won't lie: chances are your friend is going to be pissed, and she may even hate you with an intense hatred for a while, BUT recognize that you are committing an act of kindness, compassion, and love, and that you are doing the right thing. She will likely thank you later.

I hope all goes well.

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Re: close friend needs help? - September 8th 2011, 09:46 AM

I have been in this place before, and it ended up exactly the same as Chris's experience. She was pissed at first, but later she actually thanked me for it. it might be an idea to talk to your friend yourself first though, to see if she is able to open up a little to you and let you support her. its always good to have support from friends as well as counsellors. keep us updated, best of luck!

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