Does this seem fair?

[iloveyouu.(:]

My friend and her boyfriend have a deal where if she gets high he gets to get drunk because he hates when she smokes and she hates when he drinks, so my boyfriend made a deal where if I cut he's gonna cut too. He doesn't cut. He never has. But he said if I do he's gonna. I don't want him to, but he doesn't care. Does that seem fair to you..?

[smiles07x]

noo it doesn't seem fair bc i know from experience that cutting urself is really hard to control..so sometimes we can't help it so he should understand and instead of having this threat he should support you through it.

[Le bonheur*]

That's not fair to him OR you.

You: Cutting should be controlled by the person who's doing it. And in this case, that's you. He shouldn't pressure you not to cut by manipulating your decisions by saying he's going to cut too.

Him: He might get addicted to cutting, as many people do. He could seriously injure himself by cutting too deep, etc.

[bailatyvm]

By fairness values, no. I've seen this happen in other situations and the person just got better at hiding it. It's really not good motivation. SH is addicting, and that's what other people don't understand. I think you need to explain the whole cutting mindset to him before he does something you could both regret, and I think you need to find help in a safer way, such as counseling, and then let him know so he doesn't have to be AS concerned about you. Best of luck!

[Dr.Bobby]

Dani, it's not about 'fair' as much as it is about him obviously caring about you and wanting to help you. Give him a hug for this.

However, it's not effective, the idea that he'll do something self destructive if you do is misguided. What you both should agree on instead is that you won't cut because you realize it's a dangerous thing to do and care about him too much to continually stress him out. And if you do cut, then BOTH of you go and tell your folks or some other adult who can get you to a doc to help you stop.

[Ella.x]

No, it's not fair at all. He is manipulating you, rather than being supportive. My ex-boyfriend did this and all that happened was I got very good at hiding it/hurting myself in other ways that didn't show physically. In the end, I broke up with him. I think you should try and talk to him about it and tell him that while you appreciate the fact that he cares so much about you, you would prefer him to support you through it emotionally.
Good luck

[Marguerite]

I think everyone other than Bobby is far off. He's not being 'manipulative'. It's certainly the wrong move on his part- he isn't helping you by giving ultimatums or by threatening to hurt himself.

But clearly he is doing this because he cares about your so much and doesn't want you to hurt yourself. I think you should talk to him about this. I was a cutter once upon a time and I know that it's not this clear cut (no pun intended) but I remember part of it was how alone I felt. You obviously have a great guy there who cares about you immensely.

It must be really hard to be with someone who doesn't understand why you cut or how it affects you. Can you imagine, though, how hard it must be for him, loving someone who intentionally hurts themselves? I don't know about you, but it would make me feel helpless and inadequate, even if it's not the case. As I said, you guys need to have an honest conversation about this, because I don't think you see or understand where the other is coming from.