Triggering: 2nd Rehab she has quit in 2 weeks

[DivingCheska]

TRIGGERING FOR STRONG LANGUAGE, SUBSTANCE ABUSE, SELF-HARM



I just found out my mom has quit the second rehab she got into today and she isn't going to try to find another one she says she will do "out patient" but that is complete bullshit she is not fucking strong enough to stay away from alcohol just from AA meetings. I have been self harming all day and still am and buy that I mean I have a hair tye around my wrist that is supper tight and is cutting in to the skin to bruise it and cut it. but that is not enough I want to cut so bad FUCK the four years I have gone with out it. I even have my own box cutter that used to be my great grandmas and when she died my grandparents trusted me enough to let me have it. I am so go damn tempted to use it right now.On top of that the last two days all I have eatten is dinner and a little snack so I'm back to restricting but I'm cutting out a lot so I'm basically eating nothing. I guess it would just be easier if I didn't have to deal with anything. I just want to feel ALIVE again and the only way I know how if to fucking cut.

[DivingCheska]

I'm trying to draw or color to keep me distracted and that isn't working at all. I even put bracletes on just in case I do end up cutting. Someone please reply I am about 10 minutes away from ruining 4 years of recovery

[Ambitiousxx]

Don't hurt yourself, you've been doing so well. 4 years! thats amazing. SH won't make the problems go away.. I had a similar problem with my mom.. and things still arent going well. She got turned down from different places because she was admitting herself, but she clearly didnt want help. she just needed a place to stay. then she would leave and say she would do outpatient and yeah.... i know where your coming from. its rough. /: I'm sorry you have to deal with that.

But remember.. Your moms problems arent your problems.. If she wants to ruin her life.. That is her problem. I know its hard.. but try to seperate yourself from her if at all possible.. To some extent, anyway..

Cutting wont make you feel alive.. I'm only a few months sh free.. But i know i just end up feeling guilty after i do.. time and time again i ruin the sh free.. and i feel terrible afterwards. You will end up just feeling worse.

Stay Strong!! You can do it. I believe in you. Keep trying to distract yourself. and if you want, feel free to message me and we can talk. <3 I hope things start to get better for you.

-ashley.