She's such a helpful mother

[Dez]

So the other day I told guidance I SH. Because of this I was grounded for a bit. I'm un grounded now, but any time I wear a lot of bracelets or a sweater she accuses me of cutting. She said if I cut again she's gonna lock me up in a psychiatric place. But yet I give her the list of counselors today that my school psychologist gave me to give her, and she just says "yeah" in a tone that is clearly brushing me off, and walks away. Little does she know my school psychologist is gonna mail her more stuff. She's gonna be pissed and yell at me for that, too. Oops. I don't get her. I fucking ask for help by admitting it to guidance and I'm punished. I give her a list of counselors so I don't get sent to some psychiatric place and guess what? She fucking brushes me off. She still thinks I'm doing this for attention or the pain and I'll magically just stop doing this. Because of her I keep biting down so hard on the inside of my cheek because nobody can catch me there. It doesn't work the same. I want to know that even if I slipped up I'd have someone there to support me, but no, I don't have that. I don't want to be fucking locked up but it's hurt all week. I just want to cut and let it out but I CAN'T. My mother isn't supportive. I ask for help and look what I get? I get punished. It's not fair.

[Dr.Bobby]

Dez, you're right, it isn't fair. When someone asks for help, they should get it. Not the opposite.

Here's what to do: Go back to the school psychologist and let her know that your mom isn't following thru and let her make another call, let her intervene here on your behalf.

My experience has been that a lot of parents are resistant b/c they cannot accept that their kid is really that unhappy and is doing this sort of thing as an expression of that deep unhappiness. And as you've recognized, that's often part of the problem, parents who are clueless have kids who are depressed.

The school authorities can cut thru all that b/c they really do have a lot of authority and can make things happen, like getting you to a doc. Once there, you can work with your mom on her inability/unwillingness to hear you. But the first step is to get you there, and that's most easily accomplished with an advocate that she cannot ignore or dismiss.

[Dez]

Well, the thing is that my mother hates anyone in the guidance department or school psychologists, basically because in 8th grade I had a bad experience with guidance. That'd make her angry, I know. When she was called into the school she stormed out angrily. I don't see them getting through to her.

[Dr.Bobby]

Dez, depending on what that 'Bad experience' was, she could have some bad feelings still. However, unless it was the same issue, it's different now, the people are different, and she should be able to react differently. This is about your health and well being.

If you need therapy and can get it w/o school help, fine. If not, then you should talk with the school people and strategize on the way to get around your mom's other, left over feelings from that past incident, so they don't interfere here.

In the worst case scenario, the school people can actually inform your mom that they will call DCFS if she doesn't follow thru, or they can take you to the ER themselves. They really do have a huge amount of power here in this situation to get you the help you need, and get your mom to comply.

[Dez]

I give up. =/ I might as well just be locked up in a a psychiatric place. My mom doesn't trust me worth shit anymore, anyway. Any time I wear a sweater or a lot of bracelets, she thinks I've cut and am trying to hide it. Can't I just wear it because I want to or am too lazy to carry the sweater? I have a chafe mark on my wrist from my watch and my mother immediately jumps to the conclusion of SH. Nothing I do is right anymore and I'm just tired of...something. I don't even know what, I just am tired of it. I shouldn't have told. What I feel doesn't matter anymore, anyway.

Sorry that this post is so pessimistic. I'm just...pissed, I guess? I don't even know how I feel.

[Iridescence]

Dez, you need to talk to her somehow let her know that her being rude to you isn't going to help stop you from SHing. You need support on this. She needs to know that cutting isn't easy to quit, it takes time.
You need to tell her being harsh on you isn't helping and that you want to see a counselor to be able to stop.
No offence but your mom sounds like quite the bitch. She needs to understand.
This is your health and your body that we are talking about and you are going to need help with your recovery one way or another.

[Dez]

Yeah, my mom's not one I can talk to easily. I guess I could ask my dad to set up a therapy appointment, but in the end it'd be my mother taking me there and everything so I don't see it actually doing me much good if she won't take me. =/

[Iridescence]

If she really wants you to stop she'd take you, for your sake.
If she doesn't want you to stop and is making such bull over this and just wants to put in a ward just to make you feel bad isn't good. Something has to be done.

[Dez]

She thinks I'm doing this for attention or something and it'll magically go away just because she's checking me. I'm now just trying to get used to where she checks so I can do other places and I'm regretting saying a word. I've been having urges all week and have nothing I can do about them.

[Dr.Bobby]

Originally Posted by Dr.Bobby

Dez, depending on what that 'Bad experience' was, she could have some bad feelings still. However, unless it was the same issue, it's different now, the people are different, and she should be able to react differently. This is about your health and well being.

If you need therapy and can get it w/o school help, fine. If not, then you should talk with the school people and strategize on the way to get around your mom's other, left over feelings from that past incident, so they don't interfere here.

In the worst case scenario, the school people can actually inform your mom that they will call DCFS if she doesn't follow thru, or they can take you to the ER themselves. They really do have a huge amount of power here in this situation to get you the help you need, and get your mom to comply.

This. Still.

Dez, the issue here is your need for help, not the trust issues btw'n you and mom, those can be addressed after you're in therapy. Try talking calmly with her, and failing that, talk with the school people.

[Iridescence]

I'm sorry this is such a rough time for you Dez.
But eventually she will want to check other places I'm sure.
I'm not sure if I can provide any more advice but to try to talk to your dad about your mom's feelings on this.

[Iris. ♥]

You're right. I'm so sorry that this is happening to you. :/
The truth is, parents aren't always the most supportive people. Sometimes they're in denial and sometimes they just don't want to hear it. Whatever the case, it's important that you have an adult you can talk to. If you feel like you'll be able to keep talking to your school counselor or another therapist, you should definitely go for it. If you can't, then look for another trustworthy adult, like a friend's parent or someone from your church. It really doesn't matter who it is as long as they'll be there to catch you when you fall and are willing to take action if they feel like you're really in danger.

PM me if you ever want to vent. Good luck with everything.