got caught and glad

[jay07]

so my mom found out that i cut myself. She came to sleep in my room bc my dad was away on business..

She was holding my arm and felt my cuts...it woke her up and my story was...

no mom i don't cut myself. it was from when i fell in a thorn bush playing manhunt last night. My friends mom gave me cream to put on them. THEN of course she was like okay i will cal ur friends mom in the morning then just to make sure the thorns had no chemical on them or anything.

I agreed and said okay bc this was at like 2am and i thought she would just forget anyway, but no. She dials the number in the morning. I'm standing in the hallway with my brother and he was like no she didn't fall in a bush. Then i burst out in tears.

My mom was like what's wrong? i was like seriously mom are you stupid you don't see? I didn't fall in a bush. i did this to myself.

She was crying and so was i..but it was for the best. I didn't like to self harm. ANd on top of all this i told her that for the pst 2 weeks i only been eating dinner and that if i feel i ate to much i purge and that i felt negatively about food for a good two months..and that i obsessively weigh myself and count calories. I now am going to start seeing a therapist. BUT JUST THE FACT THAT I TOLD MY MOM ALL OF THIS, I FEEL LIKE I HAVE SOMEONE THERE FOR ME AND SOMEONE TO TRUST considering the fact i used to trust no one. I used to love everything about life and for almost a 10 months i really didn't. Food used to be something i enjoyed...now i hate it..BUT, because i told my mom, i now am eating more..i haven't purged in two days. I haven't cut myself in about 6 .. I dropped out of all my AP classes because i realize it isn't for me and that I HAVE NOTHING TO PROVE. I stayed home from school to talk with my mom for two days!! I went to the doctor too and got blood work. Everything was fine with me..except my weight was a little low..but I'm working on it.

im not going to lie and say it is easy because it is VERY hard but just the fact that someone is preventing me from these bad habits..helps me realize that one day i will be able to do it on my own. I didn't even start therapy yet and i feel pretty good with myself

I know it will get better from here. JUST BEING HONEST CHANGED MY LIFE WITHIN about A WEEK.

My parents really understood me and i didn't get in trouble..yes they lost trust in me but i can earn it back. Whenever i have urges i go to them and know they will help me through it. It doesn't have to be an adult that you can go to..just someone that can help you is something i really recommend. I will repost and let you know how therapy goes.

Now i have to tell them that i feel weird though because the cuts are now barely there..hopefully they won't think that's weird. It was just a comfort thing for me to cut. I will let you know how it all goes.

[Le bonheur*]

Hey there. It's great that you've stopped cutting and started eating again. I also think it's great that you have such supportive parents. I know how hard it is to stop doing bad things to yourself, but it will only get better from here. You are so strong for talking to someone and agreeing to therapy and what not. I wish you the best of luck with everything and if you ever need someone to chat with, I've been in your shoes and I will try to help to the best of my ability.

[jay07]

thanks so much! it is tough but I just don't want to be unhappy anymore so I'm gonna do this.

[Le bonheur*]

You've got the mindset to do this. Good for you.

[Iridescence]

Congrats
To stop cutting and purging is a huge improvement, especially within a week.
And I don't think it's weird at all for you to feel weird without the cuts there. You are used to them being there, it's only normal.
Good luck on your recovery

[jay07]

thankyouu!! =]<3 I'm really happy this is going good.