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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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Shanielle Offline
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Excuse Me? - October 6th 2011, 11:42 PM

My lunch friend keeps being strange. She actually asked me Tuesday if she could use one of my blades. Of course I said no, but later on we were talking about how in Biology we were going to dissect frogs with razor blades and she was joking all, "Well, you're covered," and I'm like, "You didn't have to do me like that." Then today she asked to use one of my blades again and of course I said, "Absolutely not!" but in a laughing way so she wouldn't feel weird or think I was dissing her or thought less of her because she was asking. Then she told me she wanted to see my leg, which is weird because of course no one has ever asked anything like that. I kind of don't know how to handle her, but I try to laugh it all away. I don't know, just because we know we're doing it and aren't afraid to talk to each other about it doesn't mean I'm going to help or encourage you to cut, even if I do it myself. I don't think any less of her or anything, I'm just concerned that she isn't understanding how serious this is or how I can't help her hurt herself, which I think is fair because I'd never ask her to do that for me. Anyways, what should I do about her?
   
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Re: Excuse Me? - October 7th 2011, 06:27 AM

This can be a sticky situation, because you want to continue your friendship but boundaries are boundaries. You need to make them clear so she understands where you stand. Try to form your response around FIRR- F- fact: The fact is some of the questions you ask me make me uncomfortable. I'm glad we're close enough to be able to talk about this openly, but I am not comfortable sharing my instruments or showing my scars. I-Impact. This makes me uncomfortable, and I would like to be able to feel completely comfortable talking to you. R- Respect- I respect you, and our friendship. I respect your right to use self injury as a coping method, and I'm glad you respect my right to use it too, but R-Request. I just ask that you respect my boundary lines when it comes to sharing tools or looking at my scars so we can keep being really good friends like always. I hope this helps
   
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Re: Excuse Me? - October 8th 2011, 01:31 AM

Although you and your "lunch friend" have the same habit, it seems there's an important difference between you. You're recognizing cutting as destructive and you refuse to help others cut. I'm guessing that in talking to others who self-harm, you would want support and encouragement to quit, and to look for better coping methods (in other words, things you'll likely find at TeenHelp).

She on the other hand is looking for the opposite. She wants you to validate and encourage her cutting. You two may be coming from totally different places mentally. I think you should make the difference clear to her: tell her that yes, you cut, but you don't think anyone should cut and you're not going to help her do it. You're not going to endorse her self-harm.

In short, confront her about this. Naturally, you care about her and hopefully she will still want to be friends. But if not, going your separate ways may be better than her using you to enable her cutting. Lastly, try and be there for her as best you can, but don't let her drag you down. As with most addictions, people who self-harm can encourage each other in positive ways, but they can also trigger one another and fall into a deeper rut. Make sure you know which one of the two is going on.


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Re: Excuse Me? - October 8th 2011, 02:28 AM

That's a bit..demented, honestly. I think you need to have a conversation with her about how serious this is and how it shouldn't be taken in a laughing manner. For someone to ask to use your blades..I can't even imagine, that's beyond me. Just have a chat with her and say how you feel about this; that's probably the only thing that's really going to get through to her.
Best of luck!
   
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