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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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chocolateluver Offline
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I can't take it! - October 8th 2011, 01:16 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I can't take it, i can't. I've been finding it so hard not to self harm. One of my friends know because I suspected she knew I was lying about my "cat scratches" so I told her the truth. I do splits just to feel the pain. I bite my cheek just to stop myself from cutting.

My mum keeps putting me down, she keeps saying i have an attitude, and maybe i do. I didn't want to wear this shirt because my arms look fat in it and my mum told me I was fat around the belly which was true because i was comfort eating to distract myself from SH, but she was acting like I only did it because I have nothing better to do. So, basically i ate roughly 850 calories today, and made myself throw up last night. I'm upset about this residential trip where I have to share with the WORST room mate it HISTORY! My mum told me to stop being a drama queen and that i never tried to be nice to her. Which is totally unfair as I was the one who tried to be her friend before EVERYONE in the year started bullying me and treating me like an outcast, and that she was being a total ***** and a back stabber, talking about me behind my back. I'm NEVER telling my mum about my SH because I know she'll just say i'm looking for attention which is dumb because if i was looking for attention i would have told her by now. I'm fed up of her, and i'm fed up off my life.

A guy is making my life a little complicated, but he isn't the reason why i'm SH, it's the consequences for telling a few "friends" that I like him. A certain "friend" keeps black mailing to tell everyone. She even started yelling in the classroom that my crush just walked by so a few people guessed, i acted my way out of it though.

One of my friends is leaving and so is another. I was talking to my friends about a surprise party for them but stopped talking when they walked past. The "friend" who's threatening to tell everyone(and is also leaving) told my BFF that I was doing something to embarrass her. So my BFF started ignoring me without listening to my explanation.

I JUST CAN'T TAKE IT! My mum acts like it's my fault her company is doing badly, my "friend" is a backstabbing *****, the person I like keeps giving me glares every time we meet in corridors when he found out i liked him (long story), I'm thinking of quitting the school team because of said guy who keeps coming to watch some of his friends train and i'm trying to avoid him, some girl who likes a guy who is apparently giving me lots of attention keeps being mean to me, my BFF is leaving, I'm overwhelmed with HW and my mum keeps acting like i'm not trying my best in class when i'm trying, oh and my mum acts like it's my fault that my dad won't pay child maintenance.
   
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Re: I can't take it! - October 10th 2011, 03:08 AM

Hey,

I first want to say it's really great you're reaching out for help, that shows you want to change and that you want to get the things that are going wrong in your life straightened out and you are very strong to make this decision.
I think you should try to find an adult to talk to about all of this, if your mom is unsupportive and, from what I've read, your friends arent' really "friends", you have to find someone else you can discuss things with. Is there a teacher at school or anyone there you could talk to? Are you in any clubs/activities after school where there is an adult you are close to and can trust to discuss these things with? I know it's nervous trying to find out who and how to talk to a person about what's going on in your life, but it's definitely important you have someone there with you to support you. While on TeenHelp we can give you tons of advice, we can't be there with you as often and be supportive in the same ways as an actual person with you would be.
I think you should take a look at the alternatives thread and see what there can possibly help you out, the list is very long and it has things for all different types of moods. If something doesn't help you at first, do not worry, not everything will be for everyone, there should be something there to help you out though.
Also, if you need someone to talk to, you can look at the TeenHelp hotlines there are numbers for all different places across the globe and you should be able to find some for your area if you need them.
I hope I've helped and if you ever need anything, all of TeenHelp is here to support you and you can PM me if you need any advice or just need someone to talk to.


"i don't care your intentions. I just want you to know my self-hatred never took me where I wanted to go. At the end of the day...I can pick at the pain but I can't cut it away."

Last edited by Philomath; October 10th 2011 at 03:42 AM.
   
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Re: I can't take it! - October 11th 2011, 10:24 AM

Thx, it is kinda getting worse, maybe better, i don't know, well, some "friend" the one who's leaving decided that it's be funny to yell in the MIDDLE of a corridor "Hey, E----, you're crush is here" I mean... what the! After being told off by my teacher because someone told on me on something when i didn't actually do it, i went to the loo during class, and SH... I was doing quite well... i broke yesterday, and again today, but today is the worse... i think small things build up. I stopped bringing my compass to school because then i would be tempted... Today i was so desperate I used a broken piece of plastic, and to top it off I have a residential trip tomorrow, and am DREADING it!
   
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