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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
blumemusik♫ Offline
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Do you think she noticed? - October 8th 2011, 04:08 PM

Well I'm not sure if this is meant to be in this forum, but it'll do for now Feel free to move it, mods, if you need to.

I was in a violin lesson on Tuesday this week, and I'd cut myself on Sunday night, so the cuts on my wrist were still kinda visible. I had bracelets on over them, and a jumper.
Now, me and my violin teacher are quite close, and I was playing, but with my jumper sleeves over the bottom bits of my hands. And she was trying to correct my technique, so leaned over and pulled my jumper sleeve down so she could see the posture of my wrist.

I overreacted a bit, I think. I kinda jumped away, pulling my sleeve down as quickly as possible, but tried to make a joke of it by laughing, and she laughed too. So I fixed my bracelets so you couldn't see the cuts, and carried on with the lesson, praying she hadn't seen anything.

This is where I don't know if I was reading too far into it. For the last 5 minutes of the lesson after that, she kept looking at me and talking to me seriously rather than informally like she normally does. She's 24, for anyone who's wondering.

Then on Friday, when I next saw her, she barely spoke to me, but she did smile at me occasionally across the room. But when I went to sit with her and my other teacher (because yeah, I'm a teacher's pet, deal with it) she didn't involve herself in the conversation as much as she normally would, and I swear I saw her move away from me.


Because she's a teacher, by law she has to tell my parents or a pastoral person in school (who would then tell my parents) if she thinks that there's something wrong with my well-being, but so far, nothing's been said. I don't know if maybe she hasn't said anything because she isn't sure and doesn't want to upset me? But wouldn't she at least have spoken to me about it if she did suspect something?


You may not be much help, because you don't really know her or how she would react. I was just wondering what it sounds like to you, whether I'm overreacting, and if you have any similar stories to share?
   
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Re: Do you think she noticed? - October 8th 2011, 05:06 PM

unfortunately I have to share the same experience.
Yesterday I was at my dance lesson and I was wearing a short sleeved tshirt. My scars are not really visible, because they're quite old, apart of 2 of them, but they're small.
I was doing an exercise and I'm afraid my teacher saw the scars. She looked at my right wrist and them looked at me. Nothing more. She didn0't do anything and she didn't have the chance to tell my parents because she was alreay gone when my dad came and drove me home.
Since I've known her for 6 years, I think that she didn't think about self harm because she would have asked me something, maybe she only saw the 2 new cuts and she thought I did them accidentally. But now I am afraid of going dancing.

I have nothing to suggest you actually, I'm sorry.


MONACHOPSIS
the subtle but persistent feeling of being out of place, as maladapted to your surroundings as a seal on a beach—lumbering, clumsy, easily distracted, huddled in the company of other misfits, unable to recognize the ambient roar of your intended habitat, in which you’d be fluidly, brilliantly, effortlessly at home.
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Do you think she noticed? - October 8th 2011, 06:48 PM

It's okay, I'm just glad others are in the same boat I guess :') hope things get better for you <3
   
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Re: Do you think she noticed? - October 8th 2011, 07:07 PM

Hi Kate, not Katie!

Let's hope she saw this and is just taking some time to decide the best way of handling this! Cutting isn't good, you already know this. The task isn't so much to 'Hide' it from her, but to find someone you trust and tell them so they can help you. Personally, I think a music teacher is a fine choice, a fairly strong bond btw'n teacher and student usually develops, so she could (hopefully) be trusted to do the right thing here, b/c she cares about you and wants to help, not "Punish" you by "Snitching".

Give serious thought to talking with her about what you're doing, and let her take the steps to help you feel better and gain some good coping skills!


PM me with the link of the post you'd like me to respond to.
   
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Re: Do you think she noticed? - October 8th 2011, 08:19 PM

Thanks Dr. Bobby who yes, is a psychologist

I would tell her but (I know everyone says this) I'm on the verge of stopping, and I just don't want my parents to find out. If I keep relapsing, yes I'll tell someone other than just my friend, but if I told my teacher she probably would have to contact my parents, and that's what worries me...

Thank you for your answer <3
   
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Re: Do you think she noticed? - October 9th 2011, 03:25 AM

I had a time when I was caught by an office lady. I asked to have two band aids for my cuts and even though I had them covered she made me show them to her before she gave them to me. Later that day the school counselor called me away and I knew it was about my wrist and sure enough it was. Now I think they all assume I've stopped, even though I haven't.
I am sorry that you think this woman knows, or that she is acting differently toward you because of it. It is important that she knows that this doesn't make you less of a person, that if she liked you before she should continue to like you now even if you cut yourelf.
   
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Re: Do you think she noticed? - October 10th 2011, 02:55 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by blumemusik View Post
but if I told my teacher she probably would have to contact my parents, and that's what worries me... <3
Why would that worry you if she told your folks?


PM me with the link of the post you'd like me to respond to.
   
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Re: Do you think she noticed? - October 10th 2011, 07:12 AM

Because they would just freak out. We have a big focus on trust in our house, and they'll use it as an example of me not trusting them, and now they aren't able to trust me, so they probably won't even let me be at home alone or even in a room alone anymore. And they'd make jokes about it. "oh don't say that, you'll make her go cut herself." and it's not that they're bad people, it's just their way of dealing with stuff they don't want to deal with.

Last edited by blumemusik♫; October 10th 2011 at 07:14 AM. Reason: I'm on my iPod and it's hard to type :')
   
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Re: Do you think she noticed? - October 10th 2011, 11:40 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by blumemusik View Post
Because they would just freak out. We have a big focus on trust in our house, and they'll use it as an example of me not trusting them, and now they aren't able to trust me, so they probably won't even let me be at home alone or even in a room alone anymore. And they'd make jokes about it. "oh don't say that, you'll make her go cut herself." and it's not that they're bad people, it's just their way of dealing with stuff they don't want to deal with.
I completely understand that predicament. I think you should try talking to her at some point though, if she keeps acting different around you, that means she's really thinking about something. Eventually she's going to start the conversation with you or you will have to start the conversation and I think you should be the one to start it. I'm sure that if you went and told her about your cutting she'd try her best to help you and if in the end she did tell your parents, yes, it might be a struggle at first and they may say/do things that annoy you, but eventually they may become accepting and try as hard as they can to help you.
Maybe you could get some literature saved up for them on SH and on why people SH and when, if they find out, you can explain it to them and give them the information you have.
I hope this helps.
You can PM me if you ever need anything or just want to chat.


"i don't care your intentions. I just want you to know my self-hatred never took me where I wanted to go. At the end of the day...I can pick at the pain but I can't cut it away."
   
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Re: Do you think she noticed? - October 10th 2011, 06:26 PM

If you approach her about it, understand that your parents will find out- it's not her choice. She might not even want to rat you out, but it won't be her choice anymore- so be prepared for that. She might not approach you about it at all for this reason. She might not want to break your trust in her, and so she decided to not approach it with you because if you tell her the truth then she has no choice but to report up. As long as it's just a suspicion she can very well decide the impact of "accusing" you of this is not worth it if it's not true. if you WANT to talk to her about it, PLEASE DO. It would be great if you did, and she probably is hoping you will. Just know what will happen and be prepared for that.
   
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Re: Do you think she noticed? - October 10th 2011, 06:45 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by DellaBella View Post
She might not want to break your trust in her, and so she decided to not approach it with you because if you tell her the truth then she has no choice but to report up. As long as it's just a suspicion she can very well decide the impact of "accusing" you of this is not worth it if it's not true.
That's an excellent point, I didn't think of that I hope that's what it is.

Thank you all for your responses. I'm not going to talk to her about it, but if she does approach me about it, I won't try and cover it up

Thanks <3
   
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