Triggering (SH): I can't stop cutting.

[youatemypeanut]

I'm addicted. Every time I give it up it lasts a few days or weeks and I get a very very very very very strong urge so I go out and buy razors. I now have about 15 razors in my purse right now. I've been cutting for four or five years now, self harming for practically my whole life, and I just can't not do it. It's nearly impossible.
I'm not sure where it stems from and I'm not entirely sure how it started up. All I know is when I do it I'm in such terrible emotional pain that I just can't express. It's this tightness in my chest, this knot in my throat, this burning all over my body. It's just a horrible pain.
I don't know where it comes from, and the only way to relieve that is to
a) cut
b) smoke weed and cut
c) drink till I drop and cut
d) pills and cut

b, c, and d are eliminated due to limited access and the fact that I promised myself I would never get back into pills. And I slipped up 2 months ago and got back into Vicodin. Managed to stop again, but the urge is still there and I have my hook ups.
Tried overdosing on it last month and nearly died because of it.
Anyway, point is, am I the only one that absolutely for the life of me, cannot stop?
My arm is all cut up and I have to wear a wrap or a long sleeve shirt to work and I'm sure people are getting suspicious, not that I really care because it's none of their business but still...
I'm just in a horrible place right now, and I pulled out of it for a couple of weeks, but I'm just right back in it.
I'm at a loss.
I'm such a lost cause.

How can I stop if I don't want to? Is that even possible? I didn't think it was but if anyone has an idea please enlighten me.

Thanks guys,
Peanut.

[*Learningtobreathe*]

i've been where u are darling. if i knew how to stop i would have already. have u checked out the alternatives thread? i found a few things that helped me stop a few times. they didn't work for long. i'm sorry darling i really am. if i find a way u'll be the first to know.

[youatemypeanut]

Thank you for your reply dear. I have tried a few of them, but none of them help or take the pain away. And I suppose the only way to stop is get down to the root cause of it, but it hurts too much to delve into it, you know? So I just don't know what to do with it. I'm just helpless.

[Discombobulated]

Hey there,

I'm really sorry things are hard for you at the moment.
As said above perhaps take a look at the alternatives thread, you said you had tried some of them and they didn't seem to work but i would suggest that you keep trying. You WILL find one that works for you, it just might take some time.
I would also suggest talking to someone about this, such as a family member or a counsellor, someone that can help and support you through this.
You CAN get through this and i fully believe that with time and effort you WILL get through it.

Feel free to PM me if you ever want/need to talk,
Charli

[StargazingDragon]

I know exactly what your talking about. I havn't found a way to quit yet either. I've heard somepeople say they stopped when they found "the one" but others keep cuttin even after that. I have something to live for but its not a good enough excuse to stop my cutting. Hope you find a way or reason.

[FillingWithHope]

Deary don't panic it is okay to be relapsing with cutting. Everybody has numerous times. I have scars all over my body because when i got upset i just slipped out a key and kept cutting. It is an addictive behavior. Im so sorry for your hard troubles. Reward yourself evreytime you go a week or even a day without cutting. Stay Strong and PM me anytime you want.

[leavemealone]

I don't think its because you don't WANT to stop, I think its because your afraid that if you do your just going to disappoint yourself by starting up again. But you really don't know whats going to happen until you try. I would recommend getting some help. This isn't something that's going to go away on its own. You need more help.
Stay strong!

[~CourageousSurvivor~]

Hey there,

I think it is great that you have tried the alternatives but it does take a while for them to work. Self harm has become your addiction and like any addiction when you stop using it you are going to crave it quite a bit and it can't just be replaced right away. The best thing to do is continue using the things listed on the alternatives list and eventually you will find one that will work for you. It will take a while and for a while you might end up trying the alternatives and end up succumbing to self harm for a while but don't give up because over time the alternatives will work a little bit better. I know that I used to think I would NEVER get over my self harming. I thought I would always self harm really bad and I believed that the alternatives would never work but I continued trying them and eventually I found one or two alternatives that worked really well for me.

I know that dealing with the issues behind your self harm can be really hard but the more you deal with those feelings and those issues the easier it will get. Yes, it will be extremely hard at first but over time it will get a little bit better.

Do you think you could consider seeing a counselor? Could you try talking to a trusted adult or a friend about what is going on? I know those things will be hard but building a strong network of support through all of this will be really beneficial.

I really hope this helped and if you ever want to talk please feel free to pm me.

Jenna

[arashkzadeh]

Substitute your addiction with music and nature! Trust me it works, take a long walk in nature and see the beauty around you! IT ACTUALLY WORKS! Listen to music that will stimulate the positive in life (do a youtube search of Cat Stevens). I probably had one of the hardest childhoods, but made it through do to nature and positive music. Spend time with friends and family, if that fails get a dogs, there are many things that will keep your mind away from your TEMPORARY ADDICTION, also staying busy always helps!

[Dopey]

For 5 years of my life I was just like what you described. I wanted it, I NEEDED it. I still carry the scars. But the point is, apart from 3 slip ups, I haven't cut in 5 or 6 years. Its possible. I don't have any magic advice. I wish I did. But after 2 overdoses I just knew I HAD to stop. I'd been trying to stop for about 6 months at that point. It was then or never. I can't explain it completely. And each case is individual. But do feel free to ask any questions.

But you aren't a lost cause. Trust me.

[XxFateFellShortxX]

I can honestly say I know what you're going through. I'm 16 and started cutting when I was 9. I stopped for almost a year at one point, but like you say, it's a drug in a way. For me cutting became not only an emotional release, but a physical need. I couldn't go 3 hours without cutting. so trust me, I know how you feel. As far as quitting, the only way I stopped for as long as I did was because I thought of all the people who I hurt because I was cutting. And even then I still came very close to cutting many times over. I won't wear short sleeves anymore or if I do, I have to wear a jacket. I guess the only way you can honestly stop, is to find something that means more to you than cutting. I started back up because the people I stopped for stopped caring about me. So I'll have to find another reason.

[brittenynichole]

My boyfriend was very bad about cutting, he tried to commit suicide, & he also tried to OD.. before he and i got together. We started dating October 11, 2009..he also promised me to stop cutting that day. & though he has slipped up a few times, he's managed to go this long. He fell in love with me, and I was enough to save him. I'm thankful every day that I helped him stop.
If you find one person, possibly a friend, family member, or so on, you might fond the strength to stop for them..knowing how much they are for you may help..Just like it did my boyfriend.
I wish you the best of luck, Babydoll..honestly, If you ever need to talk, You can message me on here.
*withlove, brittenynichole

[Ashley Is Dead]

Im 15 And Still Cutting To This Day. I Cant Control It. Ive Been Bullied, Harassed, Abused, And So Many Other Things In My Past And Now Its Just Like " I Have To Go Cut Myself". I Will Say That I Need Help But Im To Scared To Go See A Doctor. But One Time I Just Said To Myself That I Needed To Stop Because I Cut Into A Vein And I Didnt Stop Bleeding. I Thought That , That Was What I Was Waiting For But Then I Started To Have These Images About My Family And Friends Living Without Me And It Just Killed Me Knowing That They Would Have To Suffer For A Choice That I Made. But Even Though No One Truly Knos How Someone Feels, We All Go Through The Same Struggle; The Release, Addiction, Need For Pain. Your Not Alone !