I want to stop before it's too late -
November 25th 2011, 05:42 PM
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I first scratched myself a few days ago, nothing that would leave a mark but it got worse, now I can't clearly see where I've done it and they don't fade like before. Because it's not actually cutting I don't feel too bad so I just keep doing it over and over. There's no blood so I just can't get it into my head that it's bad.
I don't even know why I did it the first time. I guess I have always been oddly fascinated by it, I used to draw cuts on my arms with pens. One of my friends showed me some cuts she did (She is getting help, but she lost it the night before) and I had a bad day so I just saw the pin and wanted to try. It has been an awful week to be fair and the scratching just helped. I just feel good when I look down and see the marks on my wrist.
I get worried really easily and worry about what will happen when my friends have arguments (two of my friends had a massive argument this week and I'm stuck in the middle again) my dad has been in a really bad mood all week and he takes it out on me, just getting annoyed by anything I say and everyone is obsessing over my brother (I know it sounds childish - but everyone prefers my brother, I've heard my grandma say it before and no one argued with her) I guess this with the stress of my exams just made em want to try.
Nothing I ever do will be right and if I do something well there's someone who does better. I get A's in my exams and the first thing my dad always says is "well why didn't you get and A* (A+) your brother did" I've said this annoys me before but he just laughs and makes a joke of it. He does with every problem I have, so I've just stopped telling them when something's gone wrong now. They don't care anyway.
I want to stop before it gets too late. I just enjoy doing it, I don't know why but it just makes me feel good. Does anyone have any advice at all? I really don't want to see anyone about this yet, I want to get over this by myself. I hate the idea of upsetting people.
Re: I want to stop before it's too late -
November 26th 2011, 06:46 AM
I would suggest trying to focus on doing something else when you get worried, anything else. This could be a bad thing to get into. I know you are stressed and have things going on in your life that are not fair to you, but this will not help you out. It doesn't seem like much because you haven't drawn blood yet, but there's something there for you to see. I started out just scratching my arms a few months ago because I was stressed and it made me feel better for some reason, but somehow it just kept getting worse. Now I cut myself until I see blood to get the same feeling I got from just scratches before. I tell you that to say that it can and will escalate if you don't take care of it. You could try a lot of different things to take your mind off of it. http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f12-s...ves-self-harm/ Here is a list of a bunch of alternatives that may help you. Stay strong, and if you need to talk, you can PM me.