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yesterday was bad. My partner felt my leg and before I could grab his hand away he touched a cut. He freaked out. He knew that I struggled with it but convinced himself I stopped. He threatened to commit me to the psych ward even tho he knows I have a phobia of hospitals for that exact reason. I refused to go and after hours of fighting he made me call a crisis line. They registered me into a support group in jan but I most likely can't go because of school. And there's the problem that I donnt want to stop. He left for work and I cut myself about 90 times. I didn't feel anything. Physically or emotionally. I'm so detached from myself. I wrote him a letter trying to explain to him how I felt but I'm scared to give it to him. I don't know what to do. It feels like I'm about to break any moment. I don't want him to leave me but I'm not ready to stop self harming. I'm not even sure why I'm writing this or what I'm looking for. I'm so scared and lonely.
You're not alone in this fight I promise. Try to make time for the support group because it really will help. It will open your eyes to new and different feelings that will wash away your bad feelings and you'll feel better. What helped me get past cutting was the Butterfly Project where you draw butterflies instead of cutting and name them after people you love. It saved me many times. Cutting may seem like the best option but trust me you are stronger than that and you don't deserve the cuts and scars. You are an amazing person.
To me it sounds like he overreacted a bit, but at the same time I completely understand his actions; he's only thinking of what's best for you. I went through a very bad depression for years, but I never started cutting. In my mind I was already suffering mentally and physically, so why inflict further pain? I agree that you should make time for the support group. Cutting isn't good for you, and going to the support group will definitely help you.
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No great artist ever sees things as they really are. If he did, he would cease to be an artist. -Oscar Wilde
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